How He Loves Me

A year ago I wrote, "I've learned to live. Now it's time to learn to heal."  Now I wonder if we spend our lives in a continual cycle of brokeness and restoration, with each time making us a little more into who we're supposed to be.

In church on Sunday, I had the overwhelming realization that God has spent this year pursuing me.  I was and am unworthy in every way.  I even told Him, "I give up.  If you want me, find me."  And He did!  How ridiculous is it to tell the God of the universe that you don't care enough to follow Him?  But His love is that magnificent, that He still wants me when I don't want Him.  I asked Him to make me want Him in my life.  And He did that too.

For our last worship service of 2010 at church we sang:

"O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here's my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above."

I don't know what else to say, though I feel like I have more I could say.  I know that not everyone reading this blog understands or believes that same things I do.  Just know, it's your duty to yourself to be a whole and happy person.  And to find out that someone loves you completely, and to completely love them back.

A Present And A Party

I like to be sparse with pictures in my posts, so I kind of feel like I've been spamming you all lately.  But here are two more for this year:

my most exciting present! (from my mom) a Coach Madison large wristlet



the "silly" shot at our annual Christmas party



Flakes and Things

I purposefully make it hard to take a normal picture
with my brother.  This is one in a series of
ridiculousness!

you can't see the flakes, but I was dancing in the snow!
so excited to have a white Christmas :-)

second Christmas with my wonderful man <3

Christmasness.

This Christmas I was determined to celebrate.  Celebrate being alive.  Celebrate all that I have been given.

2010 was the hardest year of my life thus far.  I'm not going to give you a long, pathos-filled post about why, but it was.  So I look now at this season, and I realize, I have SO much to celebrate.  My body, though not perfect and still getting me down, is healing.  I'm madly in love with someone wonderful who loves me back.  I believe in a God who continues to provide for me and speak to me in exactly the right moments and ways.  I have perceptive, caring, and fun friends of all ages.  I have a family who puts up with me in the crappiest of times and has been there for my every need.

I am SO incredibly blessed.  [I'm sorry if this is going to sound cliche, but trust me that I have learned for myself.]  I decided that this Christmas, no matter what is going on around you, the spirit of the season really is inside of you.  Christmas is the decision to give.  To love.  To rejoice.  To persevere.

Merry Christmas.  <3

More Than Optimism

The album this song is from never fails to soothe my heart when it's aching.  Tonight this particular song reminded me of everything I believe and need to remember.  It reminded me to not give up.

Singing The Season

With finals over, my house filled with Christmas lights, and an evening spent cuddling and watching "The Grinch", I finally feel like it's Christmas. :-D

Here are a few of my favourite songs this season!

Finale of Fall Finals

As of 8pm this evening, I was officially done with fall semester!  This was finals week, and it dragged all the way through for me to my Saturday class.  Then after class it still wasn't over because we had a take home final due by tomorrow night.  Well, I typed that sucker right up, emailed it to my professor, and I am now free!

This is my speech/theatre voice and diction class.  I have to say, even though I hated going to class every weekend, there's a cool kind of bond with people you spend three hours of your Saturday with every week.  We each performed killer monologues today and then enjoyed some food and socializing.

Yesterday afternoon was the holiday luncheon at work.  Our supervisor provided a ton of delicious food for her work study students, and even gave each of us a Christmas present!  My cookies were a hit, and we enjoyed laughing, eating, and tidying up the office.

Grades will be posted online before Christmas, and I'm anxiously awaiting my math grade.  I keep telling myself I'm safe, but I won't feel good until I see it.  I know I will have A's and B's in everything else!

Snowy Apple Night

A Recipe Post!

Tomorrow (weather pending) we're having a little luncheon at work.  My assignment was cookies that I could eat and would share with everyone.  I bought some GF cookie mix (Pamela's Chocolate Chunk) and added a few ideas of my own!

As you can see, I had myself a good time making these.  They turned out SO good, I named them (see post title).  Dad mixed up the name and called them "Midnight Apple" which I also like.  Either way, I'm pretty jazzed!

To make your very own Snowy Apple Night cookies, mix together

1 bag Pamela's Chocolate Chunk Cookie Mix (Wheat and Gluten-Free)

In place of egg that the recipe calls for:

1/4 cup applesauce and 1/2 tsp baking power (mix these together before adding to the rest of the batter)

8 tablespoons margarine

2 tablespoons water

(but if you remember to let your margarine soften a little, unlike me, you might need less water :-x)

Mini marshmallows, amount at your own discretion

Fold ingredients together until everything is moist and well-coated.  Scoop out the batter as big or little as you want (mine were about golf ball size out of an ice cream scoop).  Bake for 15-20 minutes (depending on whether you like soft or crispy cookies).  You should end up with approximately 15 cookies per batch.

Tada!!  You have made vegan and gluten-free cookies for your next holiday event!  Don't forget to give me all the credit!  ;-)

Austen on Adobe

Through Jane Austen Today I found out that sourcebooks.com is offering free Austen novels and Austen-themed novels in honor of her birthday!  I downloaded "Persuasion", "Northanger Abbey", and "Mansfield Park" only to realize that I didn't have the proper software with which to enjoy my free treasures.  Then by clicking around some hints on my computer I found Adobe Digital Editions, downloaded it, activated an account, and viola!  I am in the digital age of reading.  I'm usually rather timid when it comes to making modifications of my computer or experimenting with software, so I'm proud of myself at the moment. :-)

I prefer holding a book in my hand when I read, but I'm willing to give this a try!

One Week Clean!

I forgot to mention that last week I deactivated my facebook.  As of today I haven't accessed my account via my Blackberry or a computer.  Boyfriend challenged me to a Facebook-Free Month.  I thought I would miss it (and I do) but I'm using the time I'm NOT spending creeping my friends to update my blog, read blogs, explore the wonders of a YouTube account, and hopefully be more productive in other areas of my life.  I do intend to reactivate my account in January because I had built my page and contacts up to a useful state of networking and communication for my various causes and activities.  The holidays however, make it a convenient time to take a break!

Going Batty!

I've been cast in my first musical!  I was double cast in "Bat Boy" as Daisy (a townsperson) and the Teacher Young Meredith (Grown-up Meredith is one of the lead female roles).  I don't know much about either role yet, and am going to pick up the script and CD of the music tomorrow.  I don't feel too excited yet, but hopefully will after I read the script.  Considering my insecurities and how hard I've worked on my voice in the past year, I should feel very excited to be cast in a musical. :-)

I'm hard at work on my other theatre projects, preparing for KCACTF.  Anderson and I rehearsed for a few hours on Saturday; going over both our scenes and my monologue.  I picked my monologue from "A Streetcar Named Desire" and am currently reading the show.  My challenge now is creating three very distinct physical voices for each of the pieces.  I have clear ideas and direction about Deirdre (from I Hate Hamlet), Nora (A Doll's House), and Blanche (Streetcar), but I have to be sure I'm communicating that through my tone and body movement.

Math final is on Wednesday, Voice and Diction final is Saturday, and then the festival competition is only a few weeks away.  Yikes!

Holidays At Home

I have officially gone from getting sick to being sick. :-( But today was very nice. After an extremely busy week, it was nice to go to church, nap, cook, decorate, and laze about. Now I'm uploading a video of my concert to youtube, and watching "Mrs Santa Claus" with my mom and brother.

Christmas worship service at church



Our manger scene

Semester Wrap Up

This is the last week of classes, and then we have finals next week.  Am I glad it's over?  Yes, I suppose.  But as in the summer, I will be working on campus over break, so I feel "whatever" about not having class.

Math final is on Wednesday.  I've been working especially hard in this second half of the semester with pleasing results.  The teacher said I need only get 1/3 of the final exam correct to pass the class!!!   This is a relief, but not an incentive to relax.  I have been known to look at a math test and go completely blank, so I need to keep studying.  :-(

Play Production doesn't factor into finals because that was over once Anarchist wrapped.  Sociology I dropped back in October due to health problems and stress, and Chorus final was yesterday (we put on a concert at school).

So Voice and Diction is the only other final I have left.  This Saturday in our last class we're presenting our own interpretion of a literary piece (I'm reading "The Little Match Girl" by Hans Christian Anderson).  For our final next week we're doing a monologue that the teacher gave us.  Mine is a funny one of a discouraged and sarcastic struggling actress whose parents disapprove of her career choice.

I auditioned for the spring musical, "Bat Boy", today.  I'm feeling angry at myself for not doing as well in the singing portion of the audition as I did in the speaking.  I know I can sing better than I did.  The cast list will go up on Monday.  If I'm on it, great, and if not, I'm still content because I tried and because I've see growth in myself as an artist.  Also if I'm not cast, I will take the time that affords me next semester to take more classes.  I've been attending school part time for awhile, and I'd like to challenge myself with a heavier academic load and obtain my degree sooner than later.

Dashboard At The Recher

The Dashboard concert was amazing!!  The crowd was slightly obnoxious, but made up for it by being filled with a ton of passion for Chris Carrabba's music.  And Chris fed graciously into that passion, turning the concert into an experience that celebrated his fan's love for the music as much as it did the anniversary of his album. 

His entire set was solo acoustic and his voice was out of this world.  He played Swiss Army Romance in its entirety, as well as some other songs.  My only qualm going into this concert was that "Swiss Army Romance Tour" implied to me that I would only be hearing that album's songs, therefore excluding my all-time favourite Dashboard song "Hands Down".  To my ecstatic delight, he played it as the finale :-D (as well as "Vindicated" and "Stolen" in an "encore" set that we all knew was coming).  As Boyfriend put it, the concert is still mentally a surreal experience.

All pictures and videos in this entry are mine.   I have more pictures on my Facebook.  The videos start out loud and stay so throughout due to the crowd singing and shouting, so you might want to check your volume button. (I moved the videos to my youtube channel).

If you're a Carrabba fan who has never seen him live, I can honestly say he is just as good or better in person.  Did you know he's reuniting with Further Seems Forever?  I'm excited to see what's next for him!

Day Thirty: Picture

It's the last day!  Are you ready?

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Take a picture of yourself right now and post it, or post the most recent picture you can find.

The most recent picture I have of myself is me and Boyfriend at the Dashboard concert last Friday night.  I have hat hair from wearing my knit cap (we stood in line outside for awhile) and when I asked a bouncer where the bathroom was he asked if I wanted the mens or ladies room!  I was mortified.  But we were having a fantastic time, so that makes this a great picture! 

Thirty Day Challenge is a wrap!  I hope you enjoyed learning all sorts of random Debbie facts...and if you didn't, why are you still reading? :-p  Now YOU should take the challenge so I can learn new things about my friends!

Day Twenty-Nine: Glee

From the Thirty Day Challenge:  Your opinions on the television show Glee.

I summed up perfectly the essence of my feelings about Glee in this entry last summer. 

Speaking in terms of this season, I feel the storyline became very agenda-heavy, but I see now it lent to some great character development in several people.  The musical numbers in every episode this season have made me smile; my favourites were Mr. Schu and Mike Chang channeling Gene Kelly and Donald O'Connor in "Make 'Em Laugh", and the ensemble Bruno Mars "Marry You".  But the deepening maturity and sexuality in some of the scenarios is very dissapointing to me.  There are some really young people watching this show, and Fox markets to them while writing scripts that are only appropriate for older high-schoolers or college-age fans.

Day Twenty-Eight: Young Love

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Your first celebrity crush?

The earliest one I can remember (and I've had several :-p)  is Zac Hanson.   AAH, look how little he was in 1997!  (circa my crush on him)

In other news, last night's Dashboard concert was AMAZING, and tonight I am going to a Christmas party to see some friends I haven't seen in years.  I'm a little nervous (reunions always make me nervous.  I'm waayy too worried about what people think of me and what I'll think of them.)

Anniversary Concert

This is the longest Friday afternoon ever, despite the fact I get to leave work early.  Why?  Because in about 6 more hours I'll be seeing Chris Carrabba (of Dashboard Confessional) at the Recher Theatre in Towson.  Boyfriend and I both enjoy DC's music, so we got the tickets in celebration of our upcoming one-year anniversary.  Chris is on a solo tour for the ten-year anniversary of Swiss Army Romance, his debut album. 

I've never seen Chris or Dashboard live, and I am SO EXCITED!!!  I'll recap it next week.  :-D

Day Twenty-Seven: Names

From the Thirty Day Challenge: List your three favourite girls names, three favourite boys names, and three favourite pet names.

Audrey, Chloe, Grace, Jonathan, Timothy, Samuel.

Pets are either boys or girls too, so we don't need a separate category.  And I had to think way too hard on the first six names.  :-p

Day Twenty-Six: Destination

(I'm coming down the home stretch of the 30 Day Challenge!)

From the Thirty Day Challenge:  Name one place you would love to visit one day.

I'm not sure if I'm limited to naming a place I've never been, or can pick any place.  So I'm going to share two options.

I have been to a few places in New England, and I want so, so much to go back to that area of the U.S.  Specificially to Cape Cod.  I've only been to Hyannis Port and would love to explore and enjoy more of the Cape.

I have never been and am longing to go to New York City.  To me, New York City is a magically-painted place of glamour and life in my head.  It is the New York City of "Annie", the Rockettes, the White Way, and the Times Square New Year's Eve.  However, Boyfriend, who is reading this and rolling his eyes, has been to NYC and says he wouldn't spit there, let alone go.  One day I WILL get there for myself, and see what it's all really about!

What Shakespeare Taught Me

I was doing some monologue searching for my up-coming acting competition, and this one ironically captured my attention.  Not because I plan on performing it anytime soon, but because at the time I was also pondering inner beauty and some personal negative attitudes I've been struggling with.  Take a look at what the reformed "shrew", Katherine, says about unamiable women and their effect upon those around them:

Fie, fie, unknit that threat'ning unkind brow
And dart not scornful glances from those eyes
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor.
It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
And in no sense is meet or amiable.
A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty,
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.

Katherine's speech in its entirety in this part of "The Taming of The Shrew" is actually about the fraility of women and being subservient to husbands (any feminist would rail against the rest of the monologue, and since marriage isn't my topic at hand I'll refrain from posting and commenting on the rest of the speech :-p).  But this passage is currently significant to me because for many months now, in my worst moments, I have been like that "fountain troubled".  Since unkind attitudes and impatience are hardly ever justified I won't go into all the reasons and excuses I have for being the way I have been.  I simply know that I didn't have to search my heart very deep before I found things I didn't like; things that "blot [my] beauty like the frost".

I am determined to no longer "offer war where I should kneel for peace".  If you have been a victim of one of my shrew's scornful darts, you have my sincerest apology.

(If you would like to read the entire speech or learn more about the play, you can check out my source.)

Day Twenty-Five: A Book

From the Thirty Day Challenge:  Tell us about the last book you read (for leisure or for school).

A few nights ago I finished reading "Fifth Avenue at 5 AM: Audrey Hepburn, Breakfast At Tiffany's, and the Dawn of the Modern Woman". I highly recommend it!  If you are interested in Audrey Hepburn, Hollywood movie-making of the 1950-60's, feminism, or all of the above- you will enjoy this beautiful book.

Day Twenty-Four: Movie

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Tell us about the last movie you saw in theaters.

The last movie I saw was "Inception" (a theater by my house was still showing it in September!).  I was absolutely blown away (like the other 99.9% of people who saw it. :-p)  I thought the acting was great and the storyline beyond brilliant.  I think it was the best movie I've ever spent money on!  Big plus, it had Marion Cottillard in it, who was mentioned in my crush entry. ;-) 

I really want to watch "Inception" again.  Like right now.

Catch Them If You Can

Recently my thoughts and actions feel like a rubber bouncy ball- as soon as they land on one thing, they're shooting off into something else.  I can't stay focused when I start a task, if I even start in the first place.  I feel dismayed and unproductive.

I shouldn't even be blogging right now.  I have a combined total of six monologues and scenes to prepare and/or memorize for various up-coming projects, and I need to brush up on a song for auditions next week.  I need to sort through and price a bunch of my things for the Lemon.  I have math homework (always).  My room isn't perfectly cleaned-out and or organized yet.  I need to spend more time with my family.

Maybe I'll feel better if give myself a little credit.  I finished a very large extra credit packet for math over break.  I reorganized my closet.  I'm almost done a spreadsheet of editor votes for the literary magazine.  I finished all the tasks I promised to do in preparation for the Alpha Rho Psi induction.  I finished reading a book.  I promised myself I would stay better updated on current events, so I've been downloading podcasts from BBC News and NPR and listening to them everyday.

So, I just need to take my inch of progress and go the mile!

Day Twenty-Three: Lady Gaga

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Your opinions of Lady Gaga.

I have  mixed feelings about Lady Gaga.  I think she is extremely talented, but sometimes the things she does (or wears!) seem like publicity stunts.  When I listen to one of her songs, it usually stays stuck in my head for days.

But yes, I admire her talent.  If she just straight up sang and played like in the video below more often, I would really appreciate it.  Her voice is wonderful!  But I think people have come to know and expect each new single to be not just a song, but an entire production with its own theme, music video, synthesized sounds, outlandish symbolism, and fashion trend.



I also will take the opportunity this post provides for a shameless moment of bragging.  Anderson is an a kick-ass a cappella group at his university called the Cleftomaniacs, and he arranged a medley of Gaga songs.  Every time I see them perform it I smile, laugh, and even get a few chills. (Anderson is in this video, in case you were wondering.  He is the only tall and gorgeous black man in the group. :-p)

Day Twenty-Two: Sports/Hobbies

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Do you play a sport?  Tell us about it.  If not, talk about a different hobby you may have.

I do not play a sport.  In 1999 I was pretty interested in soccer, and that was coincidentally the same year Mia Hamm, Brandi Chastain, and the rest of the women's U.S. soccer team won the FIFA Women's World Cup.  I was pretty star struck and fired up with girl power that summer. :-)

And now, I don't really have a practice I do enough to consider my hobby, because academics, theatre, and my social life soak up all my time.  Sadly, if surfing Facebook is a hobby, it is probably mine.

*sigh*  This is a pathetic post.

Day Twenty-One: Study

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Your favourite subject to study.

Besides the obvious (my major, theatre), I've always been heavily engaged in any class that falls under liberal arts.  I'm not big on science and math. 

I've taken some fascinating Honors English classes, so I'll go with English.  The written word can be a soothing or stirring tool, and I intend to become a master of it (I want to minor in English).

Giving Thanks For Break!

It's day three of Thanksgiving break, and I'm so content and relaxed!   Today and tomorrow were supposed to be my "homework days" and I've gotten some math done, but I keep getting distracted.  At least it's with productive things I distract myself!  This week I've been giving my room an over-haul.  On Wednesday Boyfriend helped me move furniture, hang pictures, and motivated me to throw out or give away lots of things.  Since then I've been going through corners and boxes a bit at a time, facing the fact that I have a lot of things that were once important and now..aren't.   It's a cleansing feeling.  It's also given me a lot of gift items I can resell at the Lemon.

On Thursday I had a really nice holiday.  Prof Carl and his wife hosted Boyfriend, I, and another student at their house for a lovely turkey dinner.   They are incredible people and were fun hosts!  We had a great time of eating, playing music (we had guitar, autoharp, mandolin, and more going on!, and getting to know their awesome kids.  I truly didn't want to leave.

I'm excited that my holiday season is off to a great start.  I'm determined to enjoy Christmas this year, and exude holiday spirit by being a loving, grateful, and joyful person.  Please be patient with me when I fail, and celebrate with me as I grow.  :-)

Day Twenty: Glasses

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Do you wear glasses?  If so, what are they for?

I used to wear reading glasses, but I supposedly outgrew my need for them.  I weakened my eyes for a time by reading for hours with only a little nightlight next to my bed for illumination. 

I hated my glasses.  I wasn't very fashion-savy back then, but I knew enough to know the round, large lenses didn't compliment my face at all. 

Day Nineteen: I Got A Crush

From the Thirty Day Challenge:  The initials of your crush(es).

Boyfriend's initials are N.S.B. 

And I have ever-changing celebrity crushes.  Currently some of them are M. C. and C. H.

Anne On A Saturday Night

I don't watch Saturday Night Live very often, but whenever I do it makes me wish I watched more!

I really enjoyed this episode hosted by Anne Hathaway!  (From last weekend.)  I already love her, but I was so impressed by her impersonations of Judy Garland, Katie Holmes, and more in this ep...they are dead on and hilarious.  Plus, Anne can sing.  And she's gorgeous.  *girl crush alert*



P.S. The skit about "Camel Toe" fully supports the issue I have with wearing leggings as pants.  :-p

Day Eighteen: Soda vs Milk

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Do you drink more soda more often than milk?

Yes, I definitely do.  I really like Coca-cola, and if I don't have coffee that day I've usually had Coke in it's place.

I don't drink milk in terms of dairy, but I drink almond milk on a regular basis.

Lemon Punk

I and my friend (and now boss :-p) Michelle thought it would be fun to feature some of my Lemon Meringue treasures on my blog!

Check out this crazy-fun sleeveless top!  Michelle herself is the former owner, and it was among my thrifted finds yesterday after we moved another load of future merchandise over to the store.   I'm wearing a red beater and black tights with it here, but I'm thinking of pairing it with skinny jeans and my new black leather jacket for a bold night out!

If you live in the Arbutus/Catonsville area you really should check us out! (I have a link in my righthand sidebar).

Day Seventeen: Ugg

From the Thirty Day Challenge: What are your feelings on Ugg boots?

I don't own any and I don't wish to.  I'm not sure I entirely understand how they got so trendy.

Day Sixteen: Disney Princess

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Your favourite Disney princess movie.

Me at Magic Kingdom in 2007

Cinderella. :-)  I had it on VHS and I watched it over, and over, and over....and over again when I was toddler and elementary school age.  I also had a large, full-colour, hard backed story book published by Disney that had pictures from the movie that I would feast my eyes on late at night.  I still occasionally like to buy Cinderella memorabilia.

My love for the Cinderella story goes much deeper than I will admit in casual conversation.  When I was 20 years old I took my first trip to Disney World in Orlando, Florida.  The thing I was excited for most was to see the "Cinderella castle".  I finally arrived at Magic Kingdom, walked through the entrance tunnels and up onto Main St., and there it was.  Big as life, beautiful as a perfect fairy tale, and bathed in sunshine.  No lie ladies and gentleman: tears filled my eyes.  I was overwhelmed with excitement and nostalgia!  And was very thankful for the large sunglasses covering my face at that moment.   I also got to see the fireworks show they put on using the castle as the feature, and it's not an exaggeration to say that it was a magical experience.

Day Fifteen: Junk Food

From the Thirty Day Challenge:  Tell us your favourite junk food.

I like chocolate.  But if we're talking in the category of pre-packaged "junk", I'd have to go with Frito's corn chips or sour gummy worms.  I like salty foods and the Frito's chips don't have anything extra in them; they're just corn, salt, and oil.  Gummy worms I have to careful about because some brands use wheat starch.

I miss Cheetos.  Before my allergy emergence they were definitely a personal favourite.

*Day Fifteen means we're at the halfway point of random Debbie facts!

November Postings

I took down a few theatre things and made some small additions:

1)  A row of birthday cards.

2) a Buddhist quote: "Pain is inevitable.  Suffering is optional."

3) The poster and program from "Accidental Death of An Anarchist", as well as the poem Carl wrote for cast and crew.  He writes a personal message to every person on their copy. :-)

4) A San Francisco scene by Thomas Kinkade.

Day Fourteen: Siblings

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Do you have siblings?  Talk about them, or talk about what it's like to be an only child.

I have a sibling!  For six years I was an only child, and didn't really want to be.  I was old enough to remember when my mom had a miscarriage, so imagine how happy we all were when she was finally pregnant and healthy!   

For 18 years my brother Josh has blessed my life.  Our family went through a really rough patch for the first five years of his life, but then things settled down and we all got very close.  In the past five years or so he has reached that stage where sometimes we can be friends and not just siblings. He has a huge heart for people and is very talented.  I could go on for awhile about my brother, but I'll just simply say he's one of the most important people in my life.

A Birthday With Theatre and Friends

Sorry that I'm a little behind updating about this!  Last week was my birthday (11-11, baby!) and everyone around me made it a great day!

"Anarchist" had a matinee that day, and everyone thanked me for coming to school on my birthday for the show (but honestly...where else would I be?  When I work on a show, it's my life!)  When I walked into the dressing room that morning I was greeted by a chorus of "Happy Birthday" sung by my beautiful cast, and the large mirror covered in "Happy Birthday Debbie" written in pink and purple marker.  Nathan D. gave me a "birthday Dr Pepper" and Boyfriend made me coffee and gave me presents (a gorgeous black jacket from Aeropostale that I badly wanted and have been wearing almost every day since).  The show that day was good...Carl said they had to do me proud on my birthday. :-p :-)

I left after the show to get ready for the evening.  I was picked up by Boyfriend and taken to Unos where several of my friends had been invited to join us for dinner!  Most of my closest friends were there, and I got to reunite with some "Perfume Counter" people.  Their presents were so thoughtful!  Niki had made me earrings (which I wore on closing night later that weekend) and Michelle gave me a beautiful perfume-themed box that I can fill with all my theatre memories.

My phone was filled with birthday texts and wishes via Facebook all day.  I came home to flowers in my room from my family.  I felt healthy and happy and got to wear exactly what I wanted and do what I wanted without being in pain or worrying about how I looked.  I got lots of other presents not mentioned here, all of which were thoughtful and suited to my tastes.  A day lived with a healthy body and filled with friends, theatre, good food, exciting gifts, pretty clothes, laughter, coffee, and love is a perfect day in my opinion!  Thank you to every one of you who made it possible. :-*

Day Thirteen: Mean Girls

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Your thoughts or opinions about Mean Girls.

Never seen it, and I don't really care to.  However, this topic does bring to my mind Lindsay Lohan. And how cute she was in the "Parent Trap" remake. 

Day Twelve: Harry Potter

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Your thoughts or opinions about Harry Potter.

When the Harry Potter craze first exploded, I wasn't allowed to read the books or watch the movies.  Several years after it came out I watched "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" because my then-boyfriend owned the movie.  I thought it was entertaining and I really enjoyed it!  What struck me in the story was the element of how Harry's deceased mother's love protected him beyond her grave against his deadliest enemies.  I drew a connection between that and my personal beliefs about God's love for me.

I've seen bits and pieces of some of the other movies but I could take or leave really following the series.

Day Eleven: Bands

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Your top three favourite bands.

3) Currently Switchfoot is in my top three.  I have found their lyrics uplifting and stimulating for this current time in my life- a time in which I'm trying to become a stronger, more motivated, and more positive woman.

2) Goo Goo Dolls, if only because "Iris" seems to have mentally played in the background of so many of my significant life events.

1)  Anberlin.  You can read about why they're my number one love here.

From Thespian to Thrifter

"Anarchist" is wrapped (that'll get its own entry).  My birthday has come and gone (that'll get its own mention too).  Here I sit at work on a rainy Tuesday, back in my normal routine, and I'm surprisingly quite content.

I need the work hours so badly.  Thanks to rehearsals, my forthcoming paycheck is horrifyingly small.  I also need to study my butt off for the remainder of the semester, otherwise that math final is going to sneak up and ruin my life. (Actually, ruin my current college career.  So basically the same thing.  No joke.)

Yesterday I spent some time with Michelle working and thrifting.  I'm now sort of an adjunct employee of Lemon Meringue Thrift and Gift...we have a flexible arrangement that allows me to sell items and get free stuff in exchange for helping with pick-ups or organizing the store.  Honestly, at first touching and cleaning other people's used items grossed me out, but upon reflection I think I'll gain an appreciation for it.  Especially since it means having a new hobby, a little extra income, and time with one of my best friends.  Already I made $30 off an old electric keyboard, and picked up some clothes and a bureau organizer!  I'm currently sitting at work in a cute and comfy sweater dress I picked out from the Lemon clothing rack.

I'm getting back into reading and commenting on your blogs.  Is anyone else interested in participating in the Thirty Day Challenge with me?

Day Ten: Pets

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Talk about your pets, or the pets you would like to have.

My family has never had any pets, since everyone seems to have conflicting allergies.  At my aunt's old farm, there was a particular barn cat that followed me around all the time.  I named him Chestnut and pretended he was mine whenever I visited.  I really want a cat, and plan on getting one when I move out.  I recently fell in love with the idea of a munchkin cat.

Nathan says that when we get a cat, we can name it Cat.  And it will be orange.  I was very happy.  And if you don't get that reference, I'm not telling you.

Day Nine: Meme

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Favourite meme at the moment.

I don't think I have one.  I had to google and wikipedia "meme" till I really understood what they are.

Woman versus Tools

The following exchange is taken from one of our many silly IM conversations.

Boyfriend: i love you so much :-*

on a related note

i just got a tool catalog from home depot :-D

 

Me: how is that related? you love tools as much as you love me?

 

Boyfriend: not as much

i love you waaaaaaaaaaaay more

but i do love tools

on a scale of 1-10, tools/looking at tools are a 8

you're a 15

 

Glad to know his priorities are straight. ;-)

Day Eight: Fitness

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Are you a fitness guru or couch potato?  Talk about your exercise habits.

I get most of my exercise from the several times a day I cross around campus, especially the days I'm switching off between theatre, work, and class multiple times in one day.

I was really into yoga for a semester, but lazyness and then trouble with my legs made movement of that kind too uncomfortable.  My best friend keeps telling me I need to get back into yoga to help lower my stress levels.

So yea.  I'm no guru, obviously.

Day Seven: Blogger

From the Thirty Day Challenge: How you came across tumblr blogger, and how your life has changed since joining.

I joined Blogger for the same reason I joined Live Journal many moons ago- people I knew in real life had Blogger, and joining myself made following them easier.  I also made this blog in my freshman year of college, hence its name.  I wanted to break my ties with my Myspace and Live Journal and start fresh.

I enjoy the Blogger format and versatility.  Following blogs has introduced me to many interesting people and fascinating new tidbits of knowledge or cool hobbies.  It has also made me concious of how articulate or expressive I am, and given me an outlet for many things I've gone through in the past two years.

Day Six: Favourite Season

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Your favourite season, and why.

I would hate to give a cop out answer ('cause of course, I never cop out of anything ;-p) but I honestly can't pick a favourite season.  They each have an element about them that I love and wouldn't want to live without.

But if I had to pick, I would choose spring.  I always feel dreary around February or March, as Maryland winter sort of loosens it grips but doesn't quite let go.  Feeling the warm spring days start to whisper around me and seeing leaves and flowers starting to blossom revives every part of me.  Spring give me an unmatchable feeling.

But P.S.- Spring pollen sucks.  *achoo*

Day Five: Favourite Colors

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Tell us your three favourite colors.

Black: I look great in it, it's classy, and theatre people wear it a lot (and yeah yeah, I know that black is the absence of colour...go with me on this one.)

Red:  I am very drawn to red objects.  I think they make me feel subconciously happy and empowered.  I own red t-strap heels, a red phone cover, a [red] iPod (that I ordered online for the sole reason the store didn't carry the [red] ones), a red foldable mushroom chair, and the list of striking objects goes on.

And then there is a tie between blue and pink.  Blue is my original utmost favourite color.  It's calming and comes in many beautiful shades.  Pink, despite the distaste I had for it, seems to be working it's way into various objects in my life.  No clue how that happened.  But it is pretty when not overdone.

Day Four: Closest Friends

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Write about your closest friend[s].

There are three people with whom I share any major crisis or joyful occasion that occurs in my life.  Shannon, my best girl friend and confidant whom I've known since second grade.  My boyfriend Nathan, who will endlessly listen to my tears, whining, or hyper babbling. And Anderson, the director of my first play, who always seems to know just what to say to help me believe in myself.

In the past couple months I would also say I've formed a strong bond with the lovely playwright Michelle.  She's full of moxy, fun, and sweetness and I always feel her personality rubbing off on me and lightening up my day.

"Anarchist" Update V

It's opening night.  We almost didn't arrive at this point, but with a lot of hard work, dedication, and what may quite possibly have been a miracle, we are here.  And I believe I am going to see good things tonight!  I invite you to come watch it with me.  :-)

Day Three: Favourite TV Show

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Your favourite television program.

Most of the "television" I watch is on hulu.com.  There are several shows that I enjoy watching both currently, in syndication, or on DVD.  Gilmore Girls rates pretty high on the favourites list (Boyfriend and I are currently trying to get through season 2). 

But my all-time favourite show, for its acting, its writing, its longevity, etc, is M*A*S*H.  My parents watched it and I came to have an admiration for it as well.  Alan Alda is a genius (he not only acted in every episode but wrote many of them as well).  The show (in case someone doesn't know) is set in Korea during the war and is about the staff of a Mobile Army Sugical Hospital and their patients.  It's a dark comedy and has probably made me laugh out loud and cry more than any other program I've ever watched.  I could say more, but most people already know about this classic, and if you don't it's worth checking out!

Day Two: Piercings and Tattoos

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Talk about your piercings and tattoos, if you have any.

I have pierced ears.  I have one hole in my left ear and two holes in my right ear.  My best friend has a second hole in her right ear so that we have mirror piercings (an idea we stole from her mom and mom's best friend).

I got my ears pierced on my 18th birthday, and a few months later I tried to change the earrings too soon.  The holes had not healed properly (I think they were pierced crooked) and I let them close up.  Last year about this time I got all three current piercings done, and I really enjoy having them.  Shopping for clip earrings all my life has been a bit of a pain!  Now for my birthday and Christmas I've asked various people to gift me nice earrings.

I don't have any tattoos.  Yet. 

Day One: Middle Name

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Your middle name and how you feel about it.

My middle name is Sarai (SUH-rye).  It is the Hebrew for Sarah (like in the book of Genesis in the Bible) and it means "Princess".  My parents felt it was important for me to have a Biblical name, and my father's family has the tradition that the middle name of the first-born girl be the first name of her mother.  However, my parents didn't like how "Deborah" and my mom's name (Sherrie) sounded together, so they settled on a name starting with "S".

When I was younger I did not like my name at all.  I though it was weird (well, I still think it's weird. :-p) But I have grown into my name (just like my nose :-p).  I've been told many times how pretty it is, and nowadays I like that I have a distinctive and full-sounding name.

"Anarchist" Update IV

I'm not sad today.  Thanks for allowing me to vent the other day.  Actually, there's nothing you can do about my venting on my own blog, so instead I thank those of you who commented on that post. My readers (most of whom happen to be my friends in real life) are the best.  :-)

I finished the preshow music for "Anarchist".  Selections include pieces by John Lennon, Leonard Cohen, Rise Against, Switchfoot, and obscure Italian anarchist song writers.  I'm pretty proud of the playlist right now, but we'll be using it for the first time at dress rehearsal on Monday night and I'll be able to tell then if I've made clear and sensible choices.

The rehearsal process in the past week has been frustrating.  I've truly become frightened for the final product of our show.  Today I was left in charge of a specially-scheduled rehearsal and was elated to see some real breakthroughs and progress from the actors.  I'm grateful that Carl trusted me to direct by myself, and I found it to be a very rewarding experience.  I also continue to gratefully learn personal lessons about how directors and actors should interact with the tech crew.

The set is absolutely gorgeous.  Just looking at it makes me wish I was acting in the show, and I sometimes steal little opportunities to go onstage and "play" on the set.  Catonsville's new technical director is incredibly talented, and I truly admire his bold and clear choices for set and scenic design, as well as lights. 

In a few short days we'll be singing our "song of anarchy" at CCBC.  Pray hard we strike the right chord.

I'm Going To Do This

I've been looking to do a survey or meme of some kind, and this one looks interesting without being an overwhelming amount of facts or rambling.  Just a fact per day about little old me. ;-)  Got it from a friend's tumblr, and obviously question 7 will be changed to "blogger". 

Look for Day One tomorrow!

Be Sad

I'm sad.  An insulted, tired, dissappointed, disillusioned, slightly-despairing-kind-of-sad.

It's ok to be sad.

But when you're sad, there's some important things you must do.  You must breathe.  You must drink your favorite beverage.  You must wear your favorite shoes.  You must learn from those you admire most.  You must protect yourself.  You must give someone a hug.  You must squeeze someone special's hand.  You must pray.  You must believe that you won't always be sad.

Maybe you don't have to do those specific things.  But you must have your own "Things To Do When You Are Sad" list. 

That's mine, and I did a pretty good job of doing all those things today.

My Halloween Costume!

When Jeff and Joel came to visit me a couple weeks back we hit up Killer Trash, a great vintage thrift store downtown in Fells Point.  My treasure of the day was a Vietnam-era army-issue shirt.  It fit perfectly, Jeff insisted I buy it, and I was delighted to own such an unusual item.  I then decided to make a costume out of it!

Shirt: bought at Killer Trash
Green cap and dog tags: borrowed from Boyfriend
Black belt, black tights, and brown boots: Mine

I'm also wearing little skull earrings and my Phi Theta Kappa "Chapter Officer" medal (thought it was a humorous touch :-p)

In the first picture I'm wearing the outfit at the Phi Theta Kappa costume and game night at school, and in the second pic I'm wearing it at my brother's gig for an open mic night (both events in the same evening, whew!)  I received several compliments on how cute I looked, and one person dubbed me "G.I. Jane".  I plan on wearing it again tomorrow when I go out with Boyfriend and the Lemon Meringue ladies!  (Tomorrow I need to get a pic of me saluting while wearing it. :-p)

"Anarchist" Update III

Show dates and times for "Accidental Death of An Anarchist" at CCBC Catonsville are as follows:

November 10 (OPENING NIGHT :), 8pm
November 11 (My birthday :), 1pm
November 12, 10am & 8pm
November 13, 8pm 


General admission tickets are $8 and students, faculty, and alumni are $5.  Infomation can also be found by clicking on link to the Facebook event page on my sidebar!

"Anarchist" Update II

(Thank you, you wonderful and wise people, for the comments on my last post.  They were really encouraging and reassuring. :-)

We open in two weeks!  Dun dun dun.  Just kidding.  The designers and actors are engaged in a mad dash of preparation, and I have total faith in our end product.

The actors have come to me regularly asking for help with research and to run lines. I find myself looking for every opportunity to encourage them and validate their own creative process.  They're funny and talented people and it's been great to watch friendships being formed as they work together.  I missed that family experience of being in a cast.  Since being a SM and now assistant director I appreciate better the burden of holding everything together and being a support rather than the center of attention.

 
I've been commissioned with two huge final projects to help complete the show.  One is finding a major historical event to help complete Carl's edits.  Dario Fo makes a huge statement about Chile and the Pinochet regime of the 1970's, and I have to find something that is similar but contemporary.  In addition, I'm designing the pre-show music selections!  So excited about this one.  I feel honored to set the tone for the show, and to have my creativity and vision trusted.  When the list is complete I'll post it (but maybe after the show so I don't give too much away). 
 
There's also a task involving the scenic design that I'm involved in, but I don't want to share it juuuuuuusssst yet. ;-)  Gotta have some surprises to bring you to opening night!
 
I'll close with a song of rebellion brought to you by Jefferson Airplane. 
 

We Dream Or Are Asleep

I've been thinking a lot about my future lately.  To be honest, I've been thinking and worrying about my future for most of my life.  I was the kid who always wanted to be older, taller, better, and usually, anywhere but here.  I started college in the fall of 2008 and some days I feel like I'm no closer to my degree than I was two years ago (not actually true on paper).

Becoming active in the school's honors society (which heavly emphasizes academic success and transfer to a four-year institution) and pursuing every theatre opportunity that came my way encouraged me to be even more anxious about where I was headed.  I decided last spring to declare my major, even though I'd secretly known almost from the very first month of college that it would be theatre.

Over the past two years I left one serious romantic relationship and entered another.  In that time I've dealt with scars and doubts and memories and mistakes, and arrived at a very blessed and happy place.  My recent conclusions about Boyfriend have left me content and excited about that part of my future.

In less than a month I'll be 24.  Ugh. Ew. Gah!  I'm glad the community college enviroment is an equalizing one, because otherwise I'd feel even more discouraged and out of place than I already do some days.

I'm rambling because I'm so full of questions.  Is pursuing a bachelors degree worth it at this point in my life?  Am I stuck in my parents house with no car forever?  (That one is an obvious no, just an extreme frustration.)  Is theatre a viable career path for my life, even though my own doubts and people's patronizing attitudes scream of its impracticality?  Is that my biological clock I hear beginning to tick?  And in light of the last two questions, how can homemaker and actress possibly occupy the same body?  I know my capabilities,  and to be honest I fear the person that I am now could do one of those things excellently and both together poorly.  Why did God give me passions that refuse to intersect?

Thanks for allowing me to whine and worry.

"Anarchist" Update I

"Acting is a thinking man's game." -Prof Carl

We are about three weeks away from opening night of "Accidental Death of An Anarchist" here at CCBC.  This will be the shortest amount of time I've spent on a production process (we started rehearsals the last week in September, totaling six weeks of rehearsal- very long compared to the professional world).  Professional and undergraduate productions move at a much quicker pace then community or club theatre, which up till now is all I have been involved in.  I speak of the brief time period with my sympathies to the cast.  They're all struggling during this our first off-book week, and if I was acting instead of directing/researching I probably would be too.  Also I'm watching the design team and crew putting their nose to the grindstone as the first flats and frame of the set where put in place on Monday.

But I'm feeling the pressure of deadlines for my own job too.  As the dramaturg it's my job to know and understand as much as possible about the play, the playwright, the time period, contemporary events, the characters, the past productions, etc etc etc....and I honestly I'm not in a place where I feel I've adequately researched any of that to exhaustion.  I've kept the focus a bit more streamlined by focusing on the author's belief's and motivation for writing the play, public reaction to the play itself, indiosyncrasies and personalities within the play, and political events in relation to the play and our production of it.  As you may imagine from the title the text is heavily steeped with political issues and events.  In addition, we're updating some of the text as we go along to make "Anarchist", written in Italy in the 1970's, relevant to our time, our country, and our town (something commonly done wherever this particular play is put on).  This requires Carl, myself, the cast, and the rest of the production team to constantly be on our mentals toes for ways to make the show engaging and contemporary.

The show is transitioning into a hard place.  For the next three weeks I'll be helping actors drill lines and deal with all sorts of unforseen frustration.  Costumes, set, lights and blocking all need to be created and finalized.  Up till now it's been the bliss of sitting next to my mentor and having fun, but there's lots of hard work in store between now and November 10th, for everyone.

Listening Session

While listening to (*Fin) by Anberlin:


Debbie: "So yeah, you can see why no one knows what he’s saying.”

Nate: "I’m pretty sure Nirvana was more coherent.”

Debbie: "But Nirvana didn’t love Jesus, so be quiet!"

A portion of (*Fin)'s lyrics were ad-libbed in the recording session by lead singer Stephen Christian.  His words were disputed by fans for a time after the album Cities was released.  I personally find it to be a very moving and raw piece of music. 

October Postings

[Sorry I really fail at making this a monthly post. :-p]  This month the bulletin board has a theme, you could say...

1) Kinkade calendar (I decided I'm not going to have a calendar for 2011.  I either put events in my Blackberry or my day planner anyway.)

2) Pictures of Shannon, Boyfriend, and Selene.

3) Program from "A Doll's House" at Vagabonds last month.  It was sooo good, and I'm studying one of the scenes for KCACTF.

4) Flier from "The Perfume Counter."

5) Ad for "Twelfth Night" at Spotlighters.  My good friend and fellow-actor Tim is in it.  So excited for him!

6) Our promo poster for Anarchist!!  Isn't it cool?! :-)

7) A little stuffed Kiwi a friend brought me from New Zealand.

Me > Monday

I'll just say that yesterday was a Monday in all its unpleasant and obnxious Monday-ness.  It had me grumpy and worried and not feeling well.  But a few things made today very bearable:

-Working one-on-one with a lovely student actress, and watching the transformation that took place as she found a connection to her character.
-Learning to sing the soprano part of "Carol of the Bells" in acappella choir.
-Having a dinner out with Boyfriend, whose conversation and company never fail to delight me.

So take that Monday.  You may have had me down, but you'll never have me beat!

Lots to Say on 10.10.10

I'm writing this entry on my brand new toy- a BlackBerry Curve 8900! I'm still figuring out its features, but I like this Word To Go application a lot! My note-taking and blogging has possibly changed forever, haha! I really like my new phone, though I'm not sure I'll like the higher monthly bill that comes with it.. I'm really hard on my electronics, so I ordered a super durable shiny red cover for my [crack]berry. Can you feel the excitement?! :-)

I really owe you guys a substantial update on what I've been getting into these days. I literally went from doing one play to another in a week's time. Midterms are this week (I actually already had one yesterday). My physical well-being fluctuates from day to day, and I'm still getting less than an ideal amount of sleep.

My school sent out financial aid refund checks, and my award was very substantial. I spent a lot of it already, between the BlackBerry, donations, bills, and things for myself that I've been waiting on or need. I hate to see money go so fast, but it is nice to catch up on obligations and still be able to enjoy myself. I've capped my spending though and will use the rest to help me through the coming weeks. Rehearsal cuts into my work hours. :-/

That brings me to the current big news. I didn't make the final cut for Anarchist, nor did I end up being stage manager as per original plan. I was really heartbroken for about a week, and it sucked to have that disappointment happen while I was carrying out my Perfume Counter responsibilities. Fortunately my family and close friends were really comforting and supportive. And as a testament to happy endings, I was invited to do something better than what I asked for- I am Prof Carl's assistant director and dramaturge! I feel incredibly honored that he made a place for me that is such a fabulous learning experience. At first I doubted that I could make legimate contributions to the show and was planning on just sitting and watching, but no! Carl has had me completely engaged with the whole process, doing research, and given me the freedom to speak during rehearsals. I'm eating it all up and so happy to the point that it’s hard to stay focused for my other studies. Balance is something I'm still aware of learning! I'll post more about our show, Accidental Death of An Anarchist, as the process develops.

Today (Sunday) we're visiting "family"- Jeff is on leave from Afghanistan! I'm so happy and excited he's here safely.

Mk, I guess that's sufficient Debbie inundation. Have a great week!

Hold Please

Today my skin was healed enough to wear a dress and tights and heels for the first time in many months.  Today I was a practicing assistant director and dramaturg.  Today I accidentally killed my cell phone.

Today was a good day.

"where me and things go together"

I have exciting new jewelry!

I take great delight in my ring collection.  I rarely buy rings, but when I do they must fit perfectly and they must be distinctive or meaningful to me.  Yesterday on a jaunt up to Pennsylvania I visited a vendor in an Amish market for overstocksilver.com.  I fell in love with so many of their affordable and lovely replica designer pieces, and settled on two Tiffany's-inspired rings:


click picture for source


















click for source



The first ring is of course a homage my darling muse, Holly Golighty (plus I've been wanting a big ring for awhile, and on my little hand this piece makes a statement!  The second ring immediately struck me as distinctive.  In Japanese culture the dragonfly is a symbol of happiness, strength and courage.  I had recently been wearing a thumb band with the word "courage" on it, but the poor quality of the ring was starting to become obvious.  Now I have a new reminder of courage to shine on my walk through life. :-)

To top off the glamour, here's a photo that my brother took of me yesterday.  I like it. :-)

*blog title taken from a line in "Breakfast At Tiffany's"