I've been thinking a lot about my future lately. To be honest, I've been thinking and worrying about my future for most of my life. I was the kid who always wanted to be older, taller, better, and usually, anywhere but here. I started college in the fall of 2008 and some days I feel like I'm no closer to my degree than I was two years ago (not actually true on paper).
Becoming active in the school's honors society (which heavly emphasizes academic success and transfer to a four-year institution) and pursuing every theatre opportunity that came my way encouraged me to be even more anxious about where I was headed. I decided last spring to declare my major, even though I'd secretly known almost from the very first month of college that it would be theatre.
Over the past two years I left one serious romantic relationship and entered another. In that time I've dealt with scars and doubts and memories and mistakes, and arrived at a very blessed and happy place. My recent conclusions about Boyfriend have left me content and excited about that part of my future.
In less than a month I'll be 24. Ugh. Ew. Gah! I'm glad the community college enviroment is an equalizing one, because otherwise I'd feel even more discouraged and out of place than I already do some days.
I'm rambling because I'm so full of questions. Is pursuing a bachelors degree worth it at this point in my life? Am I stuck in my parents house with no car forever? (That one is an obvious no, just an extreme frustration.) Is theatre a viable career path for my life, even though my own doubts and people's patronizing attitudes scream of its impracticality? Is that my biological clock I hear beginning to tick? And in light of the last two questions, how can homemaker and actress possibly occupy the same body? I know my capabilities, and to be honest I fear the person that I am now could do one of those things excellently and both together poorly. Why did God give me passions that refuse to intersect?
Thanks for allowing me to whine and worry.
3 comments:
Awee, honey, so much to worry about. I'm like that quite often too, but I'm learning to just take it one day at a time and give the rest over to God. As long as I'm happy today, doing something I enjoy and with those who I love and love me in return, the rest kind of pales. The future holds so many possibilities that we can drive ourselves crazy trying to predict the outcome. My advice to you, if you want it ;) If theater is what you love, then go for it. Let it be your major and go from thre. If it's Gods will then doors will open for you and present opportunities when the timing is right. You'll see everything will fall into its place, you just have to trust and believe and live every day like it's the most amazing day ever. I know it sounds cliche, but it's helpful to me, and I worry and plan and fret a lot. a lot :)
You're such a remarkable theater major... remember my dream of Dwyer and Jennys? I still want to be a duo with you forever! I'm already working on my next play about... Jell-O
PS You're the best lookin' 24 year old I know. Age ain't nothin' but a number baby!
Perhaps the person you are right at this second might not be able to do both perfectly, but you aren't trying to do both right this second.
Though your core values remain, the person you are is ever-changing.
Honestly, people change as much from 22 to 25 as they do between 12and 15; unfortuantely, unlike puberty where the changes are visable, there are few external markers of the early 20's changes and therefore no helpful Very Special Afterschool Specials to help you through it.
Explore your options while you are still relatively unencoumbered. Try to see the lack of freedom right now as a lack of bills instead (no car - no car payment, no insurance payment).
Find joy in who you are today.
Really.
Post a Comment