Costs and Gains: Grades Versus Real Life

Is there a difference between being a perfectionist and setting goals that are too high?

Should any goal ever be considered unattainable?

I'm asking myself these questions in light of my final grades for the semester that were posted yesterday.  The last grades before graduation.  They weren't the straight "A"s I had set my sights on.  I got all "A"s in my program of study (meaning, all four of the performance-based classes I took) and "B"s in Abnormal Psychology and Macroeconomics (my electives).  I am grateful for the "B" in economics because at one point in the semester I was overwhelmed and panicking, thinking that I was failing the course.  If I could have just brought up my psychology grade I would have made Dean's List one more time, and my graduating GPA might have been a little bit higher.

What I'm trying to focus on is the same thoughts I coached myself with when I didn't get Distinguished Graduate.  "I am not a failure."  "This is not a measure of my success."  "Look at all the real world progress I've made in my field."  At some moments those mini pep talks work and at others they don't.

Something I took away from studying economics that applies to my current musings is the principle of opportunity cost.  Could have I gotten an "A" in either of those "B" classes if I had worked harder?  Probably.  But could I have been as great a stage manager or performer if I had devoted more time and energy to doing other homework? Possibly not.

I was recommended for and got a temporary job at a big theatre downtown.  The recommendation came from the director I stage managed Spring Awakening for (he currently works at the theatre).  The aforementioned opportunity cost?  Here it is in action: I'll be working for the next few weeks in their box office, and he's trying to recommend me to their resident production coordinator as a stage manager!  I'm going to do my best to focus on walking through the open doors outside the classroom, and stop looking back on small disappointments.

New Repertoire

Finally, a solo I'm (mostly) happy with!  I was getting over a cold, and a huge glob of something unpleasant in my throat messed up the last few bars.  But it was overall a pleasing last appearance as a member of the music program.

 

At the close of the concert my teacher recognized me with a little surprise- a certificate for "Outstanding Volunteer" and a congratulations on graduating.  I've sung in the choir for a few semesters without registering for the course, and I've assisted her with events, uniforms, and promotions.  It was nice to be publicly recognized by someone I've learned a lot from. :-)

I was also really happy with the performance of our ensemble choir this semester.  This was my favourite number.  They're all on YouTube, thanks to my handy brother!

Greatest Of These

I think we've all heard the following at one time or another in our lives:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Even though it's hard, I'm happy that we've been learning (and learning to live) the true meaning of those words in a very personal way.  And for that, we will be even better than before.

Where The End Runs Into The Beginning

My quest for my first college degree is over!  I'll have my final grades soon, and everything will officially culminate on June 3rd at graduation.

The only thing going according to my plans right now has been in finishing school.  I can't really unravel in public everything that I'm struggling with, but I did want to share a quote that is currently valuable to me:

"Silently and imperceptibly, as we work or sleep, we grow strong or we grow weak; and at last some crisis show us what we have become." (B.F. Westcott)

A crisis has hit me quite unexpectedly, and right now I'm working on figuring out what I have become.  Summer feels empty and the future feels unsure.