Cravings

I am craving two very frivolous things at the moment- Sugar, and Coach purses.  I don't see a correlation between the two, I just happen to want both very badly recently!

In regards to sugar, I'm craving it like a rabid preschooler.  Not good, since one doctor I saw claimed that excessive sugar would promote the length of an infection I had (I'm not entirely sure this is true, and I'm over the infection anyway.)  I lost track of how many brownies I ate today (they were small servings however) and tonight at a baseball game I wanted cotton candy more than I wanted the home team to win. (I eventually got some. The home team lost.).  I try to eat fruit or drink a glass of water when I know I'm craving too much, but gah!  Must I be deprived of everything in the edibles department?

As to my craving of another sense: Coach.  Coach. COACH!  I've lusted after this designer label for years.  Shannon and I shared a knock-off Coach shoulder bag until it literally fell apart.  I was in two Coach stores in the same week, playing with and eyeing all the summer items.  Recently I thoroughly perused the Coach website to see what lines they currently offer, and even read all the interesting little tidbits about the Coach history and products.  If money was no option, I'd probably acquire one of the new Op Art Alexandra bags.  However, I have my sights set on something a little more realistic, even though I still feel slightly guilty about wanting it.  I currently have this thing about wristlet purses, and bought a cute and cheap little one at a Claire's boutique with which to carry keys, cell, ID, and some cash.  Summer time outings call for the bare essentials, you know?  So, I rationalized, what if my designer splurge was a smallish one?  For about $100 I can get a Coach wristlet (I'm wanting the Madison large wristlet, pictured here).  I played with it at the store and it is big enough to hold aforementioned items, plus maybe a checkbook and a lipstick.  The strap can be worn different ways, as a purse or taken off as a evening clutch.   So, my thinking is that it's appropriate for many occasions, it's an investment in a high-quality, American-made brand, and it's no different than splurging on a fancy cell phone or evening out.  Is my thinking flawed?  Some ladies think nothing of buying designers products, but I'm pretty used to off-brands, and my current income as a student with unpaid bills just makes wanting this ludicris.  What do you think?  When I finally have the cash to burn, should I go for it? 

Now I'm thinking of starving orphans in Africa who have no money to put in a purse or to buy sugar with.  Curses. :-(

Sundress Sunday

Isn't this fabulous?!  I wore it (along with a little black jacket and sandals) to church today.  I was so comfy, and not one bit self-conscious! 

After church Mom and I sat in the sun for a bit, and took a trip to the fruit stand to purchase produce and look at flowers.  

Have I mentioned I love summer?  (And good health? :-)

Freedom Celebration

 Today my family's church hosted what they call "Freedom Celebration Sunday".  All the music and messages are dedicated to thanking God for our freedom and honoring our servicemen and women in armed and civil service. 

Listening to the songs played for each branch of the military and watching the members stand and be recognized has always tugged at my heart.  I remember at a different church in 2005 on the 4th of July after my grandfather died, I couldn't hold back tears thinking of the service he'd given during World War II and how much I wished I'd known him better.

This year brought tears to my eyes for a soldier who is still living.

This is my friend Jeff.  He is a member of a New York infantry company (can't remember numbers and battalion names at the moment)  and is currently stationed in Afghanistan.  In May of 2009 Jeff called me from an army recruitment office, asking if I would be one of his references for enlistment.  I said yes as my heart sank and my stomach turned, knowing that a piece of our lives was changing forever. 

Our mothers were best friends.  His mother died at his birth, and our lives have been linked through friendship and family ever since.  We were each other's first crush, pen pal, and secret-keeper.  Jeff means as much to me a blood brother.  I am incredibly proud of him, but I can't wait for the day he is safe with us again.

~edit~ I shared the link to this post on Jef'f's Facebook wall, and this was his response:

"I read your post and the info on the sidebar of your blog. I liked it and I'll have to read your other entries. Everything you said about our friendship was true. Even though we don't communicate half as often as I would wish, you are and will always be one of my oldest and dearest friends.

If you ever find yourself with any need that I can meet in any way, you have only to ask and neither rain, nor wind, nor snow, nor distance, nor even deployment shall stop me from getting you squared away. I love you and I hope you're doing great. I'll have to call sometime so we can catch up. Its been too long since last time.

I'm in the 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry) 1-87 Battalion, D Company, 3rd Platoon, by the way."

 

That made my day. :-D

Harbor Evening!

Nathan and I went to the Baltimore Inner Harbor this evening (I like that it's only ten minutes from my house!).  I enjoyed a fabulous gluten-free dinner and beer at Uno Chicago Grill.  Then we walked around the Galleria Mall, up to Federal Hill, and as per our custom, got lost trying to leave the city by way of detour in Fells Point!

Docked paddle boat:

View from top of Federal Hill:

I stood in the street by Battery Ave to take this picture:

 "Pirate" tour boat:

<3

Happy summer evenings, how I love you!

Scripts, Skirts, and Sunshine

I've been wandering sleepily around the house with my pretty little red iPod jacked up in my ears, listening to the artist I fondly refer to as Mr. Sex Voice.  Oh Michael Buble, I love you madly (but only for your vocal chords.  I have Boyfriend for everything else. :-)

The past few days have been incredibly enjoyable.  The effects of the gluten eaten on Monday pretty much dissipated by Wednesday.  Tuesday I was kind of sleepy and depressed.  After work Nathan picked me up and we took a Home Depot excursion where he bought manly toys for himself and a pink key chain for me!   That evening I made a super yummy chicken and rice dinner, and we spent the evening cuddling and watching TV, which for the mood I was in, was a perfect way to end our day.  On Wednesday I met up with Tim (friend/fellow actor/my Irene Ryan competition partner), and we took a trip to a local mall to drink coffee and research script options.  We also walked the length of the mall at least three times, talking non-stop of philosophy and theology and school and astrology and acting.  I love conversations that stretch your brain and horizons, and seem to blend seamlessly from one topic to another.  That evening was a trip with Mom for some wearable summer clothes for me (more on that below).  Today I went to campus to catch up with Professor Carl and also borrow more scripts (also a book on Bertol Brecht that looks daunting but useful).  Around noon, I met up with an out-of-town friend.  Last January at the theatre festival I attended I met a friendly girl from Ohio whom I have kept in touch with.  She's on vacation out here this week, so we had lunch together today in Old Ellicott City and did a lot of window shopping, chatting, and picture taking.  It was nice to see how much she liked Old EC because I think it's a wonderful place!

One major event I left out was a conversation on Wednesday with my doctor.  My blood work came back finally, and it's not showing positive for either thyroid problems or Celiac Disease!!  On one hand, I was so incredibly relieved to not have CD that I felt like shaking and crying.  Yet we're still left with questions and a problem on our hands.  My sensitivity to gluten is testing so extremely high that it's almost as if my body is mimicking CD.  I definitely do have dermatitis herpetiformis, and have to determine why and how to stop it.  So keep praying, but also start praising.  :-) 

That's been my week thus far.  I share all of that to show how much I'm improving and how grateful I am for your prayers and support.  I feel happy.  I feel pretty.  I feel like I'm finally enjoying my summer.  I'm learning and living in so many ways. 

One quick note about shopping- I have a new obsession with scarves!  My skin is pretty healed up except for my legs, so the past few days have seen me rocking pants, tank tops, cute scarves and jewelry, and flip-flops.  Mom and I picked out two long, very light-weight dresses, a few cotton tops, and also are searching for ankle-length skirts.  I'm walking a mental line lately between accepting that my body isn't perfect and yet hiding enough to not be embarrassed, and it's working out pretty well!

Happy weekend! <3

My Promise To My Life

I don't know if it's just me, or if it's a law of life- but as soon as I get a break, as soon as the famine of happiness ceases, something sh*tty happens again.  It's usually (though not always) through fault of my own that a wave of peace I'm riding crashes apart around me.  OK, sorry- enough whining dressed with strained eloquence.  

I had a marvelous weekend.  I slept, read scripts, accomplished things, drank delicious coffee, ate yummy and healthy food, and saw people at my leisure.  Every day my skin has been healing more and every night I sleep a bit better.  Monday was definitely nice.  I spent the entire day catching up with Shannon; we lunched and ran errands and I was totally feeling like my old self.  In the evening her boyfriend asked us if we wanted to see a movie and get dinner beforehand. Dinner was got at Ruby Tuesday, formerly one of my favourite places to eat.  Going gluten-free and part vegan has made me realize how unhealthy their menu is.  Fortunately I had stopped at home to take medicine and eat dinner, so I simply ordered some fries and a coke.  Well, my friends had an appetizer sampler, and finding it very hard to resist, I took a piece of fried chicken that I swear was no bigger than my pinky finger, picked [most] of the batter off, dipped it barely in honey mustard, and ate it.  BIG MISTAKE.  My doctor told me no "cheats" on my diet should be allowed.  I just read the other day how half a teaspoon's worth of sauce containing gluten made a Celiac's sufferer sick for three days.  Not 30 minutes had gone by before I was aware of several little sores that are trying to heal, I was generally itchy and antsy, and I felt depressed and nervous.  Throughout the movie I fidgeted constantly, telling myself it was all in my head.  Last night and this morning proved me wrong, and I feel confident in saying I am amazed and sobered by how delicate balancing this disorder is.

In addition to feeling physically unwell at the end of my otherwise great day, I came home to end up talking to a very cranky boyfriend, said things I shouldn't have, and etc. etc. and so on throughout a partly sleepless night.  Wonderful.

This morning I awoke on time, took my prescriptions (that I am extremely grateful I still have plenty of), endured three trips in one hour to use the toilet, cursed the fact that it once again hurts to shower, put on a cute outfit, and went to work with a smile.  As I was styling my hair (taking the time to look nice is part of my mental coping these days) I thought about how I don't want to be brought down by this plant germ, this protein, this "silent killer" as some name it, called gluten.  

Having an autoimmune disorder is not going to go away.  There is no medicine I can take or enough water in the world to magically erase harm done to my body.  It's not just about eczema.  The medical complications associated with undiagnosed CD are frightening (some I was reading on include osteoporosis, extreme liver damage, and infertility).  The key now seems to be maintenance, which last night I failed it.  When I'm not disciplined, I'm only cheating myself of the wonderful life I'm craving so dearly.  Henceforth, Esau's soup itself could not tempt me to make my life anymore miserable than it has to be.

June Postings

I skipped a month or two on my "monthly" bulletin board feature. (To new followers- this is just a little picture and caption post I do as a fun way to reflect current events both big and small in my life.)


1) Thomas Kinkade calendar: "New York Central Park South at Sixth Ave."
2) Some spring pictures of boyfriend and I.
3) The program from the college awards banquet.  I had a picture of some Barnstormers tacked up with it too, but I gave my only copy to Professor Carl and didn't get around to printing a new one yet.
4) Dosage instructions for all four meds I was recently prescribed.  Fun fact- Clindamycin is making my skin as clear as porcelain and dry as paper!
5) "Life Begins At The End of Your Comfort Zone."  The past few months I have been nowhere near my comfort zone, and it's been nice to enjoy some mental peace and comfort the past few days. :-)
6) Senior portrait of a life-long friend who recently graduated from high school.  She wrote the sweetest message on the back of the picture, saying that she has always looked up to me.  I couldn't have been more surprised and touched! :-D
7) The card that came to me with Nathan's roses on opening night of "Buried Child." 
8) Some magazine pages of Coach sandals and elegant sundresses, inspiring me to keep healing physically and loving pretty things.
9) Another item from boyfriend- a card for last week's six month anniversary! :-)
10)  A honeymoon present from a girl I was maid-of-honor to a few years ago: a strand of wooden beads from Hawaii.

Do you have any interesting or random items laying around that are of inspiration to you?

Yummy Discoveries!

A few recent items on the Debbie's Safe Foods list:

Chex Brand has a line of gluten-free breakfast cereals.  I just had a bowl of the cinnamon flavour, and my family and I really like the honey nut flavour.

I'm obsessed with almond milk!  I can't get enough of vanilla-flavoured Almond Breeze milk

These animal crackers made by Kinnikinnick have no dairy, gluten, or nut content.  They are sooooo light and sweet tasting!

I'm looking forward to eating some of these waffles either for a bedtime snack or for breakfast...so exciting to find a line of breakfast foods that I can eat!

I am so relieved to not be deprived of sweet treats that are both healthy and filling!  Shopping so conscientiously and altering my diet is really making a positive impact on my life...six months ago did not see me constantly snacking on foods such as carrots or peaches, or reading every food label within reach.  Reading Shauna's blog post about her accidently consuming a bit of gluten has made me a little paranoid about how I will cope with this (if necessary) for the rest of my life.  I'm thankful so many gluten-free products are on the market, and so much helpful knowledge available.

The blood work results concerning my thyroid health and also determing whether I have the Celiac's autoimmune disorder will hopefully be available this coming week.  And my skin is healing up due to proper medication that was finally prescribed...I braved the summery world in skirts and flip flops the past few days. :-) I just keep burying the fear I will have another flare-up.

[P.S.  An unrelated thanks goes to Aury for the shout-out on her recent blog awards!]

Sing, If It's Just For Today

Today I felt relatively pain-free and was the happiest I've been for awhile- yay for prayers and medicine kicking in! :-)  I spent a few hours at work in the afternoon, read outside in the sun, and then invited Bethelle over for some girl time.  We took park pictures in our cute outfits, watched "Glee", talked, made delicious gluten-free brownies, and had a late evening jaunt to Wal-mart to get vanilla almond milk to go with our brownies...good times. :-)

Also today, I was charged almost $200 in overdraft fees...due to my bad book keeping and lack of work, my finances are really non-existent.  I'm so grateful that my parents still help with medical bills. 

So was today perfect?  Am I magically all healed?  No, of course not.  But that's not what life is about.  It's about being thankful for what you are given and loving every moment that you can.  It's about dreaming on, no matter what.  That's something that both Bethelle and I are learning to do.

Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away

Dream on, dream on, dream on
Dream until your dream comes true
("Dream On" by Aerosmith)

Passing On The Blessings!

Thanks to a fellow blogger, I discovered a really sweet and encouraging blog written by Chloe.  She writes insighful posts about running, her faith, and tidbits about her life!

I decided to plug her because today I was really encouraged by her latest post, We Can't Do It Alone, and I wanted to pass along her "prayer warrior" button. 

I know I have some really caring people reading my blog who keep me in their thoughts and prayers.  I wanted say that I would be delighted to return the blessing!  If you need prayer or a listening ear, please feel free to shoot me an email or leave a comment. :-)

In A Decade

Twice in one week I received a blog award! :-D  And twice in one week Yelena gets plugged on my blog because she is the one who bestowed this particular award on me!  For "You're Going Places Baby" you share where you see yourself in ten years, and then pass the award onto ten bloggers.

In ten years I will be 33 years old (wow, that sounds kind of scary).  I can't predict what I will be doing in ten years, but here is where my heart longs for me to be:

Since I'm currently a theatre major, I hope a decade from now I will have all sorts of lovely hoity-toity acting degrees (the distant dream is a M.F.A).  I would like to be established in the local theatre circuit, and be performing regularly at the local big names like Everymans and Centerstage.   I want to have traveled to New York several times (ideally, go to a four-year school or some sort of acting program up there) and auditioned for and been in Broadway shows.  I want use theatre to touch lives and entertain sick children, families, or the rich and famous...to enrich a community with the arts...for anyone who wants to enjoy a story enfolding before their eyes, I want to gift it to them.

In ten years, I will be physically healthy.  I will no longer struggle with sleeplessness, peeling skin, and random nausea.  I will have a handle on living with Celiac Disease (or whatever the heck is wrong with me).  I will consume safe and delicious foods without a second thought.  I will leave my house in a pretty sundress to play the day away in a woodsy park, and not dread that I will be in pain at the end of the day.  I will wear whatever I want and go where ever I want without being self-concious about my body.  I will be vibrant and fun, no longer weighed down by physical burdens.  And if God wills for some reason that I still am sick, I pray for courage.  I will have learned how to live life as I am, yet happy and sweet no matter what ails me.

Even though my current work and aspirations involve a very self-serving career, it's not where my heart ultimately lies.  I hope that ten years from now will see me happily married, with a little home and family to call my own.  A generous and sweet husband to cuddle, friends to invite over, and cute children to care for and delight in...that's what I quietly dream most for.

All that being said, I know specifics don't actually matter.  In ten years I want to be accomplished, righteous, happy, and loved in a calling that suits me best.

Now to pass it along!  I would love to hear where the authors of the following blogs see themselves in ten years:

Why Men Can't Cry

Use Your Words, Little Girl

Girl In The Blue Scarf

The Sunset Won't

An Ordinary Girl's World

The Style Mansion

Jr. Life

Be Real, Be Happy

Nifer Musings

IceWolf's Ramblings

(Thanks again so much Yelena, for this award.  Writing about my dreams has a therapeutic quality. :-)

Childhood Favourite, Still A Favourite

This Friday "Toy Story 3" comes out! 

I'm so excited about this Disney Pixar movie because I have been a fan of Toy Story from the very beginning.  I have been touched or entertained by every Pixar movie over the years (my favourite is probably Monsters Inc).

My younger brother enjoys Pixar too.  I remember the Christmas when he was 7 or 8, Mom took me to the Disney store where I bought a present for him with my very own money- a Buzz Lightyear!  I could hardly wait for Christmas morning so I could give it to him. :-)

Hey Boyfriend, you can bet we are going to the movies this weekend! :-D  (We hardly ever agree on movies.)

An Anniversary And A Commentary

I've been purusing 20 Something Bloggers for the past few weeks, and one of the forum conversations I participated in was about interracial dating.  This topic is pertinent to my life, and something I wanted to publicly write about for some time, but couldn't find the words.  The morning I read the conversations on that forum, everything that had been nagging me concerning the subject poured effortlessly out.  I want to share what I wrote here, with a few additions appropriate to my personal blog.

I've haven't posted many pictures of my boyfriend and I on this blog, so first you need to know (in case you didn't already) I'm American-born white and Nathan is native to Trinidad. Our relationship is the first bi-racial one I have been in, but he has been in several and generally prefers to date white women. He is one of very few non-white males I've ever been seriously physically attracted to, and the first I'd ever considered dating. Our relationship is the healthiest and happiest relationship thus far I have ever been in (Today is our six month anniversary. :-)).

Early in our developing relationship Nathan and I discussed the possible negative attention we'd receive, but focused mainly on how we and our families would feel about it.  He said his parents had "gotten used to" his dating white girls.  That made me wary that they wouldn't really be happy to meet me, even if they were polite about it. However, his mother treats me like gold, and I have never felt unwelcomed in their house. My parents were a little surprised, though not necessarily displeased, when I brought a black boy home to meet them. For the first couple weeks all my mother could talk about was what would "other people" think and how would they treat us, which leads me to think she was personally more uncomfortable with it than she would admit. Now, I never hear anything about it, and everyone in my family thinks he is wonderful (which he is!) None of my extended family has met Nathan, and my one living grandparent doesn't even know about him. She's not very involved in my life anyway, and extremely racially prejudiced (she's pretty much a classic WASP), so it's something I have chosen not to share with her yet.

The first few weeks Nathan and I were together made me aware of social stigmas or personal prejudices I wasn't concious of before.  I witnessed many instances of biracial dating in the area I grew up in which black males mistreated white females.  I came to the unpleasant realization that I had grown accustomed to assuming certain negative things about black males.  I'm happy to say that I now reject most cultural assumptions about people in general and am eager to get to know all people as individuals. 

At our college, interracial dating isn't a big deal (at least I have never gotten the impression it is) and we're not the only mixed couple on campus. Walking around malls, downtown, or going to church is a different matter, however. We've gotten quite a lot of stares and raised eyebrows in and around Baltimore (usually from members of the age 50+ generation).

The most significant negative attention we've received as a couple occurred recently at the wedding of a friend of mine. The population at the wedding were completely surbuban, churched, middle class, white Americans. Nathan was dressed properly in a suit and tie, was friendly to everyone he encountered, and treated me like a lady the entire time we were there. However, no one he greeted would talk to him, no one sat with us at the reception, and my friends to whom I introduced him did not make a further effort to talk to him. While I was in the bathroom and he waited for me in the lobby, someone asked him if he was with the caterers. I was embarrassed and enraged that the people whom I expect to be the most welcoming gave one of the most important people in my life the cold shoulder (to say the least).  Nathan wouldn't admit to me until later how uncomfortable this occasion made him feel, but we eventually talked it over and he even blogged about the experience.

I treasure the love, encouragement, and fun Nathan brings to my life.  Our differing ethnicities have never been a negative issue in our relationship; instead, I would say it has enriched my cultural outlook on life.  He is one of the most intelligent, thoughtful, and truly wonderful humans beings I know.  Being in our relationship is my testament to the world that there is only one "race": the human race.  The colour of our skin should add variety to our world, not barriers in our lives.  I hope you have the same personal freedom to love whoever you wish that I do.

Happy Anniversary, Nathan. :-* :-)

"Seven Years"

This song made me cry tonight.

Spinning, laughing, dancing to
her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
Is all alone

Eyes wide open
Always hoping for the sun
And she'll sing her song to anyone
that comes along

Fragile as a leaf in autumn
Just fallin' to the ground
Without a sound

Crooked little smile on her face
Tells a tale of grace
That's all her own

Spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
And she's all alone

("Seven Years" by Norah Jones)

I want nothing more right now than to be that little girl.

Retained

Some people, and the memories that go with them, are like a large body of water in a dam.  Sometimes that dam is just waiting to burst.

Waiting to drown me.

Waiting to wash away everything I worked so hard to build on the other side of the wall.

Waiting to shut out the world because when the water washes over me I can't breath, or see, or think.  I can only float, helpless, carried by the memories and the joy and the pain and every damned thing that was supposed to stay...dammed. :-p

How does the dam burst? 

First little pieces of it fall away.  A song...a smell...walking past a familiar spot that once held so much joy.  Chip..chink...the pieces fall and float towards me...

"No...stay away..please don't come back.."

The water starts to drip..then trickle.  What was the last conversation we had in that spot?  What did I feel as the goodbye touch caressed my skin?  The water flows faster as the entire scene replays in my head...

"God, I miss you..and hate you...please, please go away.."

And by that point, there's no stopping the water.  I'm helpless as it wills itself against my pleas to be left in peace.  The geysers burst and the pieces fall and I will be carried in the waves until they have run their course.  I will be tossed and bruised by the crashing memories of our words and looks and actions as they batter their watery fierceness against my being.

Eventually, the water will drain away.  The effect of those memories will seep away into so many little corners and inlets.  Soaked and exhausted, I pick myself up.  Then I'll rebuild the dam.  I'll hole up my heart and pray to be stronger, to care less, to swim faster next time.

A "Love"ly Award!

J. Ashley of Be Real, Be Happy has given me the "I Love Your Blog Award". :-D  Thanks a bunch!  It feels so good to be recognized, especially since recently I've putting a lot of effort into blogging and meeting other bloggers.  It's so fun!

For this award I am supposed to list ten things I love, and then some blogs I love.  Here's goes!

Some Things & People I Love

~God

~My best girl friend

~My family, both biological and otherwise

~My boyfriend

~the band Anberlin

~All things theatre-related

~writing witty or interesting blogs

~dark chocolate

~getting a prayer answered

Some Blogs I Love

~Playing Grown-Up

~Simplicity In Baltimore

~The Krew

~The Sunset Won't

~Gluten-Free Girl And The Chef

(There are other blogs I really enjoy, but I mentioned them in my last award and wanted to give the spotlight to a new set of great bloggers!)

Feel free to pass on your award, or at least ponder the things you love!

A Mercedes and Press-On Nails

I've finally accepted that romantic comedies (or romantic movies in general) have two main characteristics (This may already be a no-brainer for some of you).  They A) Promote stalking and B) Provide wildly unrealistic scenarios of how to meet your soul mate.

This morning I watched "Jersey Girl" starring Jami Hertz and Dylan McDermott.  It was a cute movie, but seriously; they were brought together by two car crashes, lots of stalking, and...a goldfish.

I'm not sorry I watched it.  I'm just sayin'.  This stuff isn't what life is made of.

So You Boutique!

A darling blogging friend of mine has launched a new online business, and it's just so exciting I wanted to spread the word!

Yelena of Style My Happiness is selling off name-brand clothes at thrift store prices.  I never through I'd see such pretty pieces from names such as New York & Company, Black House/White Market, or Perry Ellis for Salvation Army prices!

The only downside is that you may not find your size in Yelena's boutique, because all these items were personally owned by her.  But there are a wide variety of sizes and styles (sizes 0-8) and everything is gently used, so it's worth checking out!

First read about the VIP Preview, and then check out So You Boutique!  I'll be sure to post pictures when I receive my stylish purchases. :-)

Trying

I've hardly slept in two days.  I've seen two different doctors today.  I'm getting bloodwork done next week which will confirm or deny a Celiac's Disease diagnosis, and also additional bloodwork for hyperthyroidism testing.  I finally a name for the type of eczema I have, and an explanation for why I continually develop infections on my legs and arms.  I feel guilty as I watch my mother spend more and more money on my treatments and dietary needs. I dread seeing people, and don't bother unless absolutely necessary to leave my house.  I met a compassionate angel in the form of an urgent care nurse.  I was reminded that I have incredibly thoughtful and nonjudgemental friends.  I know that knowledge is power, even when it's scary.  I am trying to believe that hell on earth doesn't last forever, that things could always be worse, and that I am courageous and beautiful. 

Today At The Desk...

I felt silly!  Probably because I didn't get much sleep last night, which also inspired the brillance of my last post, which I composed this morning.

My signature silly/up-to-no-good face (and my awesome wavy hair, bedecked with some bobby pins!)

A cute-looking book I checked out of the school library, a gluten-free brownie from home, and the only soda I ever buy at school because they don't sell Coca-Cola (danged Pepsi products hold the corner on the market there).

Shared my hyperness with boyfriend via Facebook until he forgot about me and went to work himself.

And finally, I spent at least two hours on Blogger working on my new labels! (Can you tell the office is slow in the summer?)  I unveil today an almost completely new set of labels, and every single entry in my blog has been marked. This is a project I've wanted to understake for some time, and I was in just the right mood [had the time to waste] to do it.  See widget at right called "What It's All About" for my new organizing system. 

The titles of a few of the labels were also a by-product of sleep-deprived sillyness, so I hope they are appreciated.  And that I actually like them when I wake up tomorrow from what I hope will be a short-term coma tonight.

P.S.  I wanted to mention that Natalie and also Nathan inspired me to have creative labels!

The Blog Writing Date (Debbie Is A Girl)

Today over at Why Men Can't Cry is an enlightening post regarding proper urinal etiquette.  I am credited as a co-author of this post. 

By some odd and unexplainable chance you are still in doubt, I am in fact a girl, and will never (presumably) have need of the wise and researched counsel contained in this post.  Nor did I suggest to Never Too Busy (AKA my boyfriend; his blog's anonymity was shot long ago) that he compose such a post (though he did inform me once my own father broke one of the sacred urinal usage rules when they happened to be in a men's bathroom at the same time).  So why, you may wonder, did my name earn a byline?

Boyfriend has been saying for months that this blog post was to be.  The other day when deciding how we should best pass our afternoon it was decided that the epic, long-awaited urinal post was to be written.  He sat at my kitchen table for two hours on my laptop, researching, thinking out loud, and typing.  My mother came by, inquiring what we were doing, and was rendered slightly speechless at the sight of the "The Urinal Game".

How was I involved in the evolution of this post you ask?  Well, I at times have the attention span of five-year-old. So while he wrote I: cooked rice, read the booklet in our Gilmore Girls DVDs, fidgeted, sat on his lap, fidgeted some more, checked my email while he was gone and thereby accidentally lost part of the blog's draft, helped him rewrite what I lost, changed all his formatting, giggled at comic commentaries on urinals, painted my nails (he picked red), and then lined up all the polish bottles according to their colour spectrum order (see pictures).

When the post was done, he affixed my name at the end along with his, and viola!  Another documented case of Nathan & Debbie Ridiculousness!  (And in case you were wondering, this is not an unusual example of the ways we find to amuse ourselves.)

I Genuinely Smiled..

when I watched this cute video!  Thanks Aury at An Ordinary Girl's World for helping me to discover it!

My mind was crowded with unpleasant things today.  I read an article in a magazine about a girl who was sexually abused by her grandfather, and the topic of abuse is something I'm easily disturbed by. I skimmed the script of "Misery" because it was an option for the acting competition thingie, and decided there is no way I want to connect to the character of "Annie".  I'm currently dealing with a memory that hurts my gut and my heart everytime I think about it.  On top of everything else, I missed an important academic-related interview today and I'm really angry at myself for it.

But now I'm trying to surround myself with peaceful and comforting things (that video helped.)  I have my Bible, my journal, and music.  I know that life goes on, even when we fail.  I know that I am blessed and safe.  I read "This world is fading away, along with everything it craves.  But if you do the will of God, you will live forever." (1 John 2:17). 

Be careful what you fill your head and heart with, for they are the most precious gifts life gives you.