An Anniversary And A Commentary

I've been purusing 20 Something Bloggers for the past few weeks, and one of the forum conversations I participated in was about interracial dating.  This topic is pertinent to my life, and something I wanted to publicly write about for some time, but couldn't find the words.  The morning I read the conversations on that forum, everything that had been nagging me concerning the subject poured effortlessly out.  I want to share what I wrote here, with a few additions appropriate to my personal blog.

I've haven't posted many pictures of my boyfriend and I on this blog, so first you need to know (in case you didn't already) I'm American-born white and Nathan is native to Trinidad. Our relationship is the first bi-racial one I have been in, but he has been in several and generally prefers to date white women. He is one of very few non-white males I've ever been seriously physically attracted to, and the first I'd ever considered dating. Our relationship is the healthiest and happiest relationship thus far I have ever been in (Today is our six month anniversary. :-)).

Early in our developing relationship Nathan and I discussed the possible negative attention we'd receive, but focused mainly on how we and our families would feel about it.  He said his parents had "gotten used to" his dating white girls.  That made me wary that they wouldn't really be happy to meet me, even if they were polite about it. However, his mother treats me like gold, and I have never felt unwelcomed in their house. My parents were a little surprised, though not necessarily displeased, when I brought a black boy home to meet them. For the first couple weeks all my mother could talk about was what would "other people" think and how would they treat us, which leads me to think she was personally more uncomfortable with it than she would admit. Now, I never hear anything about it, and everyone in my family thinks he is wonderful (which he is!) None of my extended family has met Nathan, and my one living grandparent doesn't even know about him. She's not very involved in my life anyway, and extremely racially prejudiced (she's pretty much a classic WASP), so it's something I have chosen not to share with her yet.

The first few weeks Nathan and I were together made me aware of social stigmas or personal prejudices I wasn't concious of before.  I witnessed many instances of biracial dating in the area I grew up in which black males mistreated white females.  I came to the unpleasant realization that I had grown accustomed to assuming certain negative things about black males.  I'm happy to say that I now reject most cultural assumptions about people in general and am eager to get to know all people as individuals. 

At our college, interracial dating isn't a big deal (at least I have never gotten the impression it is) and we're not the only mixed couple on campus. Walking around malls, downtown, or going to church is a different matter, however. We've gotten quite a lot of stares and raised eyebrows in and around Baltimore (usually from members of the age 50+ generation).

The most significant negative attention we've received as a couple occurred recently at the wedding of a friend of mine. The population at the wedding were completely surbuban, churched, middle class, white Americans. Nathan was dressed properly in a suit and tie, was friendly to everyone he encountered, and treated me like a lady the entire time we were there. However, no one he greeted would talk to him, no one sat with us at the reception, and my friends to whom I introduced him did not make a further effort to talk to him. While I was in the bathroom and he waited for me in the lobby, someone asked him if he was with the caterers. I was embarrassed and enraged that the people whom I expect to be the most welcoming gave one of the most important people in my life the cold shoulder (to say the least).  Nathan wouldn't admit to me until later how uncomfortable this occasion made him feel, but we eventually talked it over and he even blogged about the experience.

I treasure the love, encouragement, and fun Nathan brings to my life.  Our differing ethnicities have never been a negative issue in our relationship; instead, I would say it has enriched my cultural outlook on life.  He is one of the most intelligent, thoughtful, and truly wonderful humans beings I know.  Being in our relationship is my testament to the world that there is only one "race": the human race.  The colour of our skin should add variety to our world, not barriers in our lives.  I hope you have the same personal freedom to love whoever you wish that I do.

Happy Anniversary, Nathan. :-* :-)