How He Loves Me

A year ago I wrote, "I've learned to live. Now it's time to learn to heal."  Now I wonder if we spend our lives in a continual cycle of brokeness and restoration, with each time making us a little more into who we're supposed to be.

In church on Sunday, I had the overwhelming realization that God has spent this year pursuing me.  I was and am unworthy in every way.  I even told Him, "I give up.  If you want me, find me."  And He did!  How ridiculous is it to tell the God of the universe that you don't care enough to follow Him?  But His love is that magnificent, that He still wants me when I don't want Him.  I asked Him to make me want Him in my life.  And He did that too.

For our last worship service of 2010 at church we sang:

"O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here's my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above."

I don't know what else to say, though I feel like I have more I could say.  I know that not everyone reading this blog understands or believes that same things I do.  Just know, it's your duty to yourself to be a whole and happy person.  And to find out that someone loves you completely, and to completely love them back.

A Present And A Party

I like to be sparse with pictures in my posts, so I kind of feel like I've been spamming you all lately.  But here are two more for this year:

my most exciting present! (from my mom) a Coach Madison large wristlet



the "silly" shot at our annual Christmas party



Flakes and Things

I purposefully make it hard to take a normal picture
with my brother.  This is one in a series of
ridiculousness!

you can't see the flakes, but I was dancing in the snow!
so excited to have a white Christmas :-)

second Christmas with my wonderful man <3

Christmasness.

This Christmas I was determined to celebrate.  Celebrate being alive.  Celebrate all that I have been given.

2010 was the hardest year of my life thus far.  I'm not going to give you a long, pathos-filled post about why, but it was.  So I look now at this season, and I realize, I have SO much to celebrate.  My body, though not perfect and still getting me down, is healing.  I'm madly in love with someone wonderful who loves me back.  I believe in a God who continues to provide for me and speak to me in exactly the right moments and ways.  I have perceptive, caring, and fun friends of all ages.  I have a family who puts up with me in the crappiest of times and has been there for my every need.

I am SO incredibly blessed.  [I'm sorry if this is going to sound cliche, but trust me that I have learned for myself.]  I decided that this Christmas, no matter what is going on around you, the spirit of the season really is inside of you.  Christmas is the decision to give.  To love.  To rejoice.  To persevere.

Merry Christmas.  <3

More Than Optimism

The album this song is from never fails to soothe my heart when it's aching.  Tonight this particular song reminded me of everything I believe and need to remember.  It reminded me to not give up.

Singing The Season

With finals over, my house filled with Christmas lights, and an evening spent cuddling and watching "The Grinch", I finally feel like it's Christmas. :-D

Here are a few of my favourite songs this season!

Finale of Fall Finals

As of 8pm this evening, I was officially done with fall semester!  This was finals week, and it dragged all the way through for me to my Saturday class.  Then after class it still wasn't over because we had a take home final due by tomorrow night.  Well, I typed that sucker right up, emailed it to my professor, and I am now free!

This is my speech/theatre voice and diction class.  I have to say, even though I hated going to class every weekend, there's a cool kind of bond with people you spend three hours of your Saturday with every week.  We each performed killer monologues today and then enjoyed some food and socializing.

Yesterday afternoon was the holiday luncheon at work.  Our supervisor provided a ton of delicious food for her work study students, and even gave each of us a Christmas present!  My cookies were a hit, and we enjoyed laughing, eating, and tidying up the office.

Grades will be posted online before Christmas, and I'm anxiously awaiting my math grade.  I keep telling myself I'm safe, but I won't feel good until I see it.  I know I will have A's and B's in everything else!

Snowy Apple Night

A Recipe Post!

Tomorrow (weather pending) we're having a little luncheon at work.  My assignment was cookies that I could eat and would share with everyone.  I bought some GF cookie mix (Pamela's Chocolate Chunk) and added a few ideas of my own!

As you can see, I had myself a good time making these.  They turned out SO good, I named them (see post title).  Dad mixed up the name and called them "Midnight Apple" which I also like.  Either way, I'm pretty jazzed!

To make your very own Snowy Apple Night cookies, mix together

1 bag Pamela's Chocolate Chunk Cookie Mix (Wheat and Gluten-Free)

In place of egg that the recipe calls for:

1/4 cup applesauce and 1/2 tsp baking power (mix these together before adding to the rest of the batter)

8 tablespoons margarine

2 tablespoons water

(but if you remember to let your margarine soften a little, unlike me, you might need less water :-x)

Mini marshmallows, amount at your own discretion

Fold ingredients together until everything is moist and well-coated.  Scoop out the batter as big or little as you want (mine were about golf ball size out of an ice cream scoop).  Bake for 15-20 minutes (depending on whether you like soft or crispy cookies).  You should end up with approximately 15 cookies per batch.

Tada!!  You have made vegan and gluten-free cookies for your next holiday event!  Don't forget to give me all the credit!  ;-)

Austen on Adobe

Through Jane Austen Today I found out that sourcebooks.com is offering free Austen novels and Austen-themed novels in honor of her birthday!  I downloaded "Persuasion", "Northanger Abbey", and "Mansfield Park" only to realize that I didn't have the proper software with which to enjoy my free treasures.  Then by clicking around some hints on my computer I found Adobe Digital Editions, downloaded it, activated an account, and viola!  I am in the digital age of reading.  I'm usually rather timid when it comes to making modifications of my computer or experimenting with software, so I'm proud of myself at the moment. :-)

I prefer holding a book in my hand when I read, but I'm willing to give this a try!

One Week Clean!

I forgot to mention that last week I deactivated my facebook.  As of today I haven't accessed my account via my Blackberry or a computer.  Boyfriend challenged me to a Facebook-Free Month.  I thought I would miss it (and I do) but I'm using the time I'm NOT spending creeping my friends to update my blog, read blogs, explore the wonders of a YouTube account, and hopefully be more productive in other areas of my life.  I do intend to reactivate my account in January because I had built my page and contacts up to a useful state of networking and communication for my various causes and activities.  The holidays however, make it a convenient time to take a break!

Going Batty!

I've been cast in my first musical!  I was double cast in "Bat Boy" as Daisy (a townsperson) and the Teacher Young Meredith (Grown-up Meredith is one of the lead female roles).  I don't know much about either role yet, and am going to pick up the script and CD of the music tomorrow.  I don't feel too excited yet, but hopefully will after I read the script.  Considering my insecurities and how hard I've worked on my voice in the past year, I should feel very excited to be cast in a musical. :-)

I'm hard at work on my other theatre projects, preparing for KCACTF.  Anderson and I rehearsed for a few hours on Saturday; going over both our scenes and my monologue.  I picked my monologue from "A Streetcar Named Desire" and am currently reading the show.  My challenge now is creating three very distinct physical voices for each of the pieces.  I have clear ideas and direction about Deirdre (from I Hate Hamlet), Nora (A Doll's House), and Blanche (Streetcar), but I have to be sure I'm communicating that through my tone and body movement.

Math final is on Wednesday, Voice and Diction final is Saturday, and then the festival competition is only a few weeks away.  Yikes!

Holidays At Home

I have officially gone from getting sick to being sick. :-( But today was very nice. After an extremely busy week, it was nice to go to church, nap, cook, decorate, and laze about. Now I'm uploading a video of my concert to youtube, and watching "Mrs Santa Claus" with my mom and brother.

Christmas worship service at church



Our manger scene

Semester Wrap Up

This is the last week of classes, and then we have finals next week.  Am I glad it's over?  Yes, I suppose.  But as in the summer, I will be working on campus over break, so I feel "whatever" about not having class.

Math final is on Wednesday.  I've been working especially hard in this second half of the semester with pleasing results.  The teacher said I need only get 1/3 of the final exam correct to pass the class!!!   This is a relief, but not an incentive to relax.  I have been known to look at a math test and go completely blank, so I need to keep studying.  :-(

Play Production doesn't factor into finals because that was over once Anarchist wrapped.  Sociology I dropped back in October due to health problems and stress, and Chorus final was yesterday (we put on a concert at school).

So Voice and Diction is the only other final I have left.  This Saturday in our last class we're presenting our own interpretion of a literary piece (I'm reading "The Little Match Girl" by Hans Christian Anderson).  For our final next week we're doing a monologue that the teacher gave us.  Mine is a funny one of a discouraged and sarcastic struggling actress whose parents disapprove of her career choice.

I auditioned for the spring musical, "Bat Boy", today.  I'm feeling angry at myself for not doing as well in the singing portion of the audition as I did in the speaking.  I know I can sing better than I did.  The cast list will go up on Monday.  If I'm on it, great, and if not, I'm still content because I tried and because I've see growth in myself as an artist.  Also if I'm not cast, I will take the time that affords me next semester to take more classes.  I've been attending school part time for awhile, and I'd like to challenge myself with a heavier academic load and obtain my degree sooner than later.

Dashboard At The Recher

The Dashboard concert was amazing!!  The crowd was slightly obnoxious, but made up for it by being filled with a ton of passion for Chris Carrabba's music.  And Chris fed graciously into that passion, turning the concert into an experience that celebrated his fan's love for the music as much as it did the anniversary of his album. 

His entire set was solo acoustic and his voice was out of this world.  He played Swiss Army Romance in its entirety, as well as some other songs.  My only qualm going into this concert was that "Swiss Army Romance Tour" implied to me that I would only be hearing that album's songs, therefore excluding my all-time favourite Dashboard song "Hands Down".  To my ecstatic delight, he played it as the finale :-D (as well as "Vindicated" and "Stolen" in an "encore" set that we all knew was coming).  As Boyfriend put it, the concert is still mentally a surreal experience.

All pictures and videos in this entry are mine.   I have more pictures on my Facebook.  The videos start out loud and stay so throughout due to the crowd singing and shouting, so you might want to check your volume button. (I moved the videos to my youtube channel).

If you're a Carrabba fan who has never seen him live, I can honestly say he is just as good or better in person.  Did you know he's reuniting with Further Seems Forever?  I'm excited to see what's next for him!

Day Thirty: Picture

It's the last day!  Are you ready?

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Take a picture of yourself right now and post it, or post the most recent picture you can find.

The most recent picture I have of myself is me and Boyfriend at the Dashboard concert last Friday night.  I have hat hair from wearing my knit cap (we stood in line outside for awhile) and when I asked a bouncer where the bathroom was he asked if I wanted the mens or ladies room!  I was mortified.  But we were having a fantastic time, so that makes this a great picture! 

Thirty Day Challenge is a wrap!  I hope you enjoyed learning all sorts of random Debbie facts...and if you didn't, why are you still reading? :-p  Now YOU should take the challenge so I can learn new things about my friends!

Day Twenty-Nine: Glee

From the Thirty Day Challenge:  Your opinions on the television show Glee.

I summed up perfectly the essence of my feelings about Glee in this entry last summer. 

Speaking in terms of this season, I feel the storyline became very agenda-heavy, but I see now it lent to some great character development in several people.  The musical numbers in every episode this season have made me smile; my favourites were Mr. Schu and Mike Chang channeling Gene Kelly and Donald O'Connor in "Make 'Em Laugh", and the ensemble Bruno Mars "Marry You".  But the deepening maturity and sexuality in some of the scenarios is very dissapointing to me.  There are some really young people watching this show, and Fox markets to them while writing scripts that are only appropriate for older high-schoolers or college-age fans.

Day Twenty-Eight: Young Love

From the Thirty Day Challenge: Your first celebrity crush?

The earliest one I can remember (and I've had several :-p)  is Zac Hanson.   AAH, look how little he was in 1997!  (circa my crush on him)

In other news, last night's Dashboard concert was AMAZING, and tonight I am going to a Christmas party to see some friends I haven't seen in years.  I'm a little nervous (reunions always make me nervous.  I'm waayy too worried about what people think of me and what I'll think of them.)

Anniversary Concert

This is the longest Friday afternoon ever, despite the fact I get to leave work early.  Why?  Because in about 6 more hours I'll be seeing Chris Carrabba (of Dashboard Confessional) at the Recher Theatre in Towson.  Boyfriend and I both enjoy DC's music, so we got the tickets in celebration of our upcoming one-year anniversary.  Chris is on a solo tour for the ten-year anniversary of Swiss Army Romance, his debut album. 

I've never seen Chris or Dashboard live, and I am SO EXCITED!!!  I'll recap it next week.  :-D

Day Twenty-Seven: Names

From the Thirty Day Challenge: List your three favourite girls names, three favourite boys names, and three favourite pet names.

Audrey, Chloe, Grace, Jonathan, Timothy, Samuel.

Pets are either boys or girls too, so we don't need a separate category.  And I had to think way too hard on the first six names.  :-p

Day Twenty-Six: Destination

(I'm coming down the home stretch of the 30 Day Challenge!)

From the Thirty Day Challenge:  Name one place you would love to visit one day.

I'm not sure if I'm limited to naming a place I've never been, or can pick any place.  So I'm going to share two options.

I have been to a few places in New England, and I want so, so much to go back to that area of the U.S.  Specificially to Cape Cod.  I've only been to Hyannis Port and would love to explore and enjoy more of the Cape.

I have never been and am longing to go to New York City.  To me, New York City is a magically-painted place of glamour and life in my head.  It is the New York City of "Annie", the Rockettes, the White Way, and the Times Square New Year's Eve.  However, Boyfriend, who is reading this and rolling his eyes, has been to NYC and says he wouldn't spit there, let alone go.  One day I WILL get there for myself, and see what it's all really about!

What Shakespeare Taught Me

I was doing some monologue searching for my up-coming acting competition, and this one ironically captured my attention.  Not because I plan on performing it anytime soon, but because at the time I was also pondering inner beauty and some personal negative attitudes I've been struggling with.  Take a look at what the reformed "shrew", Katherine, says about unamiable women and their effect upon those around them:

Fie, fie, unknit that threat'ning unkind brow
And dart not scornful glances from those eyes
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor.
It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
And in no sense is meet or amiable.
A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty,
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.

Katherine's speech in its entirety in this part of "The Taming of The Shrew" is actually about the fraility of women and being subservient to husbands (any feminist would rail against the rest of the monologue, and since marriage isn't my topic at hand I'll refrain from posting and commenting on the rest of the speech :-p).  But this passage is currently significant to me because for many months now, in my worst moments, I have been like that "fountain troubled".  Since unkind attitudes and impatience are hardly ever justified I won't go into all the reasons and excuses I have for being the way I have been.  I simply know that I didn't have to search my heart very deep before I found things I didn't like; things that "blot [my] beauty like the frost".

I am determined to no longer "offer war where I should kneel for peace".  If you have been a victim of one of my shrew's scornful darts, you have my sincerest apology.

(If you would like to read the entire speech or learn more about the play, you can check out my source.)

Day Twenty-Five: A Book

From the Thirty Day Challenge:  Tell us about the last book you read (for leisure or for school).

A few nights ago I finished reading "Fifth Avenue at 5 AM: Audrey Hepburn, Breakfast At Tiffany's, and the Dawn of the Modern Woman". I highly recommend it!  If you are interested in Audrey Hepburn, Hollywood movie-making of the 1950-60's, feminism, or all of the above- you will enjoy this beautiful book.