Exeunt.

I have seen death enter in the winter of life many times, and I have seen it steal life in its dawning days as well.  No matter the age or circumstances, meeting death has always left me feeling confused, angry, guilty, and other numerous combinations of negative emotions one can think of.  I'm sure the same can be said for many of you reading this; I don't claim any especial attention or sympathy for saying so.

I say it because death has entered my life in a completely new way, and this time I don't quite know how to meet or speak of it.

Several days ago a friend of mine reached out and took death by the hand. By his own wish he left us forever.

He will never know how the little room at a funeral home overflowed today with people who cared for him, or how many more who couldn't be there were thinking of him.  He will never again share the spotlight of the stage with me, or take me out for coffee, or surprise me with some droll joke brimming from his philosophic mind.

I just don't understand how the world can keep turning like nothing tragic has happened, but the truth is, it does.  May we one day understand, and regardless of understanding, may we all love each other a little harder than before.

Decision Updates.

Sorry I've been quiet.  The following events have been keeping me busy:

I worked my last regular day in the CCBC Catonsville theatre department today. I will miss the scene shop, the power tools, the jokes, the best boss ever, the heavy key ring jingling on my belt loop, the memories in every corner, and the constant creation and purging of new stories under the stage lights.

I work for my church now; I'm the administrative assistant to the children's ministry.  I have so much to learn and do starting on Monday morning.  It's going to be a crazy ride.  (I will also continue to work for Everyman Theatre.)

Nathan and I agreed on a font color for our invitations (Blue versus grey, such intense decisions. :-p).  I have to buy postage and (with the help of my bridesmaids) address envelopes, fill out RSVP cards, and mail out invites really soon!!  We are four months away from the big day. :-D

The cast and staff of Titanic at Dundalk Community Theatre has been incredible to work with thus far.  It's truly a pleasure to sit at every rehearsal, even though taking down blocking and keeping up with 30-some cast members is a big challenge!

In reference to my last post, this is what the balance looks like for me.  I had to let go of some things and hold on to others.  It hurts, but it feels good.  It will all pay off.

Pies, Irons, and Opportunities

A popular idiom was floating through my brain this evening.  Something about "irons in the fire"...the one that's similar to "fingers in too many pies".

In contrast to the beginning of summer, which found both my personal and professional life somewhat in flux and empty, autumn is now bearing upon me with the wedding day fast approaching and job opportunities popping up at unexpected times and places.

HTB and I have the prep timeline for the wedding totally under control (and have even made some official progress on the house hunting process).  The job hunting process however, has started to make me feel a bit overwhelmed.

I started the summer with two jobs, one of which could only promise regular hours for the duration of four weeks at the most.  I filled season subscriptions at Everyman Theatre early in the summer and hoped that I would be asked to stay beyond the original purpose I was hired for.  Today I started my training for my new (part-time) staff position in their Box Office and I intend to be there for a while. :-)   

Throughout the summer I went on a few interviews and submitted resumes here and there.  I recently came to the conclusion that my current situation is settled and that I am content with the two part-time jobs I had to begin with.

But suddenly, doors are open and multiple jobs (mostly non-theatre, but steady work) are calling for my attention.  Decisions need to be made:  pay versus commute?   Steady income versus staying in the industry I intend to work?  Plus, I accept freelance theatre gigs (such as the one I have at DCT currently) and would like to have the flexibility to continue doing them for extra income and experience.

I get a sinking feeling in my stomach when I have to make rapid decisions.

I assume there is a balance between "staying true to your dreams" and being a responsible adult?  Unless you are blessed enough to do both at once.