Memoir of Firsts: Snow Day

I value sleep, especially on a Saturday, but was I ever glad I made the most out of this Saturday. Nathan and I took the aforementioned books to our house and then spent all morning working on our respective projects. I fussed with curtains and cleaned the stove, he fixed a three-way light switch (one of his many successful wiring repairs in the house! Hunny is an electrical guru now :)).

One of the best parts of the day was the snow that was falling when we pulled up to the house, and how it continued to fall in thick fluffy flakes as we worked away the hours. I kept all the blinds and curtains open so that I could stop and gaze out whenever I pleased. It made the blooming of our new little life seem extra magical. There is something I've always wanted in the kitchen: a big window above the sink that overlooks our backyard. I discovered we have a robin couple along with other birds who come to frolic in our back yard.

Whenever I'm at the house I seem to have the urge to redecorate our fireplace mantle. Since I've never had one of those either, the possibilities seem delightfully unending. Today I added what you see in the picture. It's past meets present really: a slice of cedar, the first gift Nathan gave me over three years ago. Resting on it, a tree ornament Mom gave us this Christmas.

Hoping for more snow days filled with cozy moments for us all...

Happy New Year, friends!

Memories Bound

One of the many things that life has prevented me from working on is the much needed purging and packing of my childhood/current bedroom. As I prepare for the move, I think that two single people can't possibly own enough stuff between them to fill an entire house right away. But when I looked at the moderately sized closets of our dear cottage and then at the collection of "stuff" I've accumulated in twenty-something years, I start to doubt that assumption!

Nathan helped me pack up the majority of my book collection this evening. I have so little time or attention for reading of late that sadly, most of the books had to be dusted off. But almost every book I picked up had a personal story, and was generally accompanied with a comment, review, or memory before he could get it into the box. I hope for Nathan it was a little entertaining insight into who I am and the things I loved. For me, packing my books was like a refreshing evening with old friends.

All I Want For Christmas

This time next month I'll be married and on a warm (and hopefully sunny) honeymoon. This time next year, I'll be celebrating Christmas in our adorable home with my husband.

Pictured is our house wearing the white holiday dusting we got yesterday. Delightful. :-)

Words cannot describe my anticipation and thankfulness on this blessed Christmas Day. Hoping your fondest wishes and prayers are answered this season,

-Deb.

Memoir of Firsts: A Dinner Guest

This a shot of how I set the "table" for the inaugural dinner guest in our house. Until a few days ago Nathan and I didn't have a dining room table set up. So when we had the first dinner guest a few weeks back, I was determined to somehow still make it special. After an evening of home repairs with our good friend, we ordered a pizza and bought paper plates and cups. With candles lit, Christmas music via Pandora playing, and sitting on the floor around the coffee table, we ate and laughed and talked. Nothing else would have felt more perfect...

Until we all heard a very loud crash that sent the guys running around the house armed with tools and flashlights; a funny sight that lightened an intense moment of fear for me. We never did figure out what caused the noise, and enjoyed the rest of the evening.

Merry Christmas Eve! Hope you're making lots of new and nice memories in your own abodes.

"Twenty-Six Names"

Composer/playwright Jason Robert Brown wrote this moving and simple tribute for the victims of last week's shooting in Newtown, Connecticut: "Twenty-Six Names"

I've tried ever since Friday to avoid news coverage of the incident, but this evening I watched interviews with some first responders and the reports of proposed gun legislation and other coverage, and my mind kept going to one place.  To all the little faces I've worked with, especially in the last few weeks while preparing for all the church Christmas musicals and concerts.  Six and seven-years-old are such tiny, precious ages. 

My mind can't grasp the horror and the sadness.  I guess that's why I appreciate J.R.B.'s simple and heartfelt musical cry on behalf of us all.

Behind In Writing Because

Next month, we are getting married.  Last week, we bought a house. Also, the realization that I get up and go to work every day (and no longer take classes) took a long time to sink in for me.  It's truly a new chapter. 

Happy Holidays!  Hope life has been kindly to you.  I shall return.

Hi Friday!

It has become very unusual for me to be up this late at night (yay for no longer being a student!) but tonight called for it.  While I will probably regret this tomorrow, I am currently enjoying being all caught up on rehearsal notes and other production needs, some clean laundry, and just a general sense of accomplishment in life right now.

Tomorrow HTB and I are visiting four more houses, and then hopefully enjoying a relaxing evening together.  On Sunday evening I will be extra spoiled because he is taking me to see Wicked at the Hippodrome!  I am prepared to have my socks rocked. :-D  I'll try to gather a few pictures for y'all.  Happy weekend!

P.S. For those who live locally, I've updated my events page. :-)

iHouse.

This post is brought to you by me trying to distract myself with frivolous things and escaping from the stress of today...

I got an iPhone!  I left AT&T and the Blackberry family after many years of pretty decent service to join HTB on his Verizon plan.  In the process I got the new phone (FOR FREE) and am hoping for a lower monthly bill.  I got this fancy case (the white and gold striped one) to celebrate (I know, my logic is slightly flawed).  It looks just as great in person, and survived its first meeting with a linoleum floor like a trooper!


In less frivolous matters, I will say I am stressed out at work, "Titanic" tech is a little more than two weeks away, and Nathan and I are searching high and low for a home.

It would be neat if we were blogging about the whole house-hunting experience, but since we don't take pictures at the properties it seems a little pointless.  I'm not sure if we're allowed to do so, but I'd feel a little awkward.  We've seen ranchers, colonials, and Cape Cods, among others.  We've seen fixer-uppers and we've seen houses so spanking fresh you can still smell the paint (literally).  We've seen dead crickets and cigarette butts on the floor of a sketchy kitchen and we've seen a furnace from 1912 in a basement.  We've visited houses that were empty and calling out to me to dream in them, and we've been in houses still housing occupants and their yappy dogs (or over-curious children).  It's an adventure.  I am thankful for three things: our knowledgable and friendly real estate agent, and the good sense and kind heart of my fiance. This feels like a long road, but I believe our home is at the end of it.

Apparition In A Fedora

I had an hour to do whatever I chose this afternoon while downtown, waiting to meet up with HTB. I was drawn to a bookstore; one of those fancy Barnes & Noble/Starbucks combos.  My intent was coffee and perhaps a new book.  From the discount section.  Or to at least browse.

As I was in the Cafe portion of the store, something caught my eye that made my heart stop for a second or two.  A young man sitting at a table by a window, hunched over a laptop.  Wearing a dark t-shirt and a black fedora.  He was slender, with a distinct chin and nose, or at least my clouded mind made his profile out as such.

I wasn't really seeing whoever this oblivious man in the bookstore was; I was seeing Tim.  Of course, the real Tim would have probably been wearing his leather jacket (even on such a warm afternoon as today), and would have more likely been jotting in his ever-ready Moleskin notebook.  He may or may not have been sporting his fedora; in the past year or two it had become an on and off-again "thing" he tried out sometimes.

Tim always bought me whatever I wanted at Starbucks, and always bought himself the same $1.95 coffee.  We would sometimes talk of the short stories he started and never finished.  I left the bookstore today with a Caramel Macchiato (that gave me a stomach ache), a book of Anton Chekov short stories, and a mind swirling with memories. 

Exeunt.

I have seen death enter in the winter of life many times, and I have seen it steal life in its dawning days as well.  No matter the age or circumstances, meeting death has always left me feeling confused, angry, guilty, and other numerous combinations of negative emotions one can think of.  I'm sure the same can be said for many of you reading this; I don't claim any especial attention or sympathy for saying so.

I say it because death has entered my life in a completely new way, and this time I don't quite know how to meet or speak of it.

Several days ago a friend of mine reached out and took death by the hand. By his own wish he left us forever.

He will never know how the little room at a funeral home overflowed today with people who cared for him, or how many more who couldn't be there were thinking of him.  He will never again share the spotlight of the stage with me, or take me out for coffee, or surprise me with some droll joke brimming from his philosophic mind.

I just don't understand how the world can keep turning like nothing tragic has happened, but the truth is, it does.  May we one day understand, and regardless of understanding, may we all love each other a little harder than before.

Decision Updates.

Sorry I've been quiet.  The following events have been keeping me busy:

I worked my last regular day in the CCBC Catonsville theatre department today. I will miss the scene shop, the power tools, the jokes, the best boss ever, the heavy key ring jingling on my belt loop, the memories in every corner, and the constant creation and purging of new stories under the stage lights.

I work for my church now; I'm the administrative assistant to the children's ministry.  I have so much to learn and do starting on Monday morning.  It's going to be a crazy ride.  (I will also continue to work for Everyman Theatre.)

Nathan and I agreed on a font color for our invitations (Blue versus grey, such intense decisions. :-p).  I have to buy postage and (with the help of my bridesmaids) address envelopes, fill out RSVP cards, and mail out invites really soon!!  We are four months away from the big day. :-D

The cast and staff of Titanic at Dundalk Community Theatre has been incredible to work with thus far.  It's truly a pleasure to sit at every rehearsal, even though taking down blocking and keeping up with 30-some cast members is a big challenge!

In reference to my last post, this is what the balance looks like for me.  I had to let go of some things and hold on to others.  It hurts, but it feels good.  It will all pay off.

Pies, Irons, and Opportunities

A popular idiom was floating through my brain this evening.  Something about "irons in the fire"...the one that's similar to "fingers in too many pies".

In contrast to the beginning of summer, which found both my personal and professional life somewhat in flux and empty, autumn is now bearing upon me with the wedding day fast approaching and job opportunities popping up at unexpected times and places.

HTB and I have the prep timeline for the wedding totally under control (and have even made some official progress on the house hunting process).  The job hunting process however, has started to make me feel a bit overwhelmed.

I started the summer with two jobs, one of which could only promise regular hours for the duration of four weeks at the most.  I filled season subscriptions at Everyman Theatre early in the summer and hoped that I would be asked to stay beyond the original purpose I was hired for.  Today I started my training for my new (part-time) staff position in their Box Office and I intend to be there for a while. :-)   

Throughout the summer I went on a few interviews and submitted resumes here and there.  I recently came to the conclusion that my current situation is settled and that I am content with the two part-time jobs I had to begin with.

But suddenly, doors are open and multiple jobs (mostly non-theatre, but steady work) are calling for my attention.  Decisions need to be made:  pay versus commute?   Steady income versus staying in the industry I intend to work?  Plus, I accept freelance theatre gigs (such as the one I have at DCT currently) and would like to have the flexibility to continue doing them for extra income and experience.

I get a sinking feeling in my stomach when I have to make rapid decisions.

I assume there is a balance between "staying true to your dreams" and being a responsible adult?  Unless you are blessed enough to do both at once.

Current Course

Last week we had a rehearsal for the guys playing the officers and crew of our "Titanic". The director combed the script with them, working on dialects, character development, and general backstory of the ship and tragedy as it relates to their particular roles.

I was very content to sit alongside, jotting notes for the rehearsal report and occasionally contributing a comment or question. It was the first rehearsal for this show at which I've felt truly comfortable with myself and the surroundings of my new project. As with most other things in my life, I've felt enormously shy and anxious at our auditions and rehearsals. But also as usual, I remind myself to plow forward as confidently as possible (and seek a little encouragement from my mentors).

This particular rehearsal reminded me why I fell in love with stage managing. I still miss acting, but there is really no other position on a production that gets to see all sides of the journey from beginning to end like the SM does. Since ALL things theatre fascinate me, I think SMing is really the best task to continue honing my skills on. Being fascinated by the "big picture" of theatre is also probably why I'm having so much trouble finding career direction right now.

Summer Pictures: Final Round

A random assortment to round out my pictorial recount of the summer:

This is NOT my wedding dress (I did briefly consider it however).  Just giving you a taste of what I look like in one. ;-)  I found my dream dress last month.  It's been ordered, and I am so excited to wear it!!

Summer Pictures: Round Three

Baltimore City edition!  This summer has found me exploring a little more of what my native city has to offer, both for work and play.

Part of my commute as I walked from the train station to Everyman Theatre (on Charles St., looking toward the Station North district)

Summer Pictures: Round Two

A props and theatre edition of the round-up!  These pictures were taken during work for my summer position as Properties Manager at Cockpit in Court Summer Theatre.  (I just realized that I managed to capture at least one picture to represent each of the five shows that were staged over the two months.)

"Eliza"'s doll from the ballet sequence in The King and I.  Isn't it beautiful?  Rented from A.T. Jones of Baltimore.

Summer Pictures: Round One

The kick-off of the pictures, which I am dividing into themes (sort of).  These are from early in the summer.  (Click "Read More" for the rest.)

Announcements Lacking Any Epic Importance

I was thinking that my summer has felt like any other time of the year, just without classes. But to prove to myself that this summer has had its own very pleasant days, I got around to uploading and looking at ALL the pictures I've captured since June on my phone and iPod.  To make up for my sparse blogging in recent months, I plan to take you all on a little journey through a summer picture round-up (just the highlights)!  Stay tuned.

The Current Events page on my blog has been updated! (Didyaknow even know I have one? :-p)  So, please go check out the debut announcement of my current theatrical project. :-)

Job Anniversary

A year ago I was nervously becoming oriented to my new job and learning to navigate a work relationship with (then) Boyfriend. This week the boss is away on his charity ride (check out lrlr.org), HTB no longer works days at the same job as me, and I'm in charge. The event is a kid's camp rehearsing and performing their end of season play. I have to unlock and occupy the theatre while they rehearse, and oversee lights and sound in the culminating show.

On Monday morning the fire alarm went off for the entire building and a water main broke. Thankfully I didn't have to be directly involved in those situations, other than by evacuating, and the theatre and all concerned were safe. It was still a bit nerve-wracking though! A little later in the day I had to get stern as I found two of the younger camp counselors trespassing in an off-limits (and dangerous) area of backstage. Quieter moments have included tinkering with a co-worker on our new ghost light (I'm so excited to have one!), cleaning in the scene shop, and reading.

So far, a satisfying time of responsibility that I hope continues!

An Irresistible Law

After a long period of intention to do so, I've been reading "Tess of the d'Urbervilles" by Thomas Hardy. In this passage he describes the title heroine and her suitor-to-be, Angel Clare:

"Tess and Clare unconsciously studied each other, ever balanced on the edge of a passion, yet apparently keeping out of it. All the while they were converging, under an irresistible law, as surely as two streams in one vale."

Those words took me back to some very fond memories. My most unlikely friendship has turned into the most important and wonderful partnership of my life. :-)

A Month of Progress

The wedding planning has made it's way into a completely organized binder! (With tabs and a business card holder.) We started out with a much smaller binder I was gathering information in, but our planning progress quickly outgrew it. Knowing our love for this type of organization, I'm surprised it took us this long!

Bein' Grown and Such

So I'm being reminded that getting married is a lot more than looking for the perfect wedding dress (which I don't have yet).  It was slightly surreal to be sitting with Nathan earlier this evening while we filled out home loan application paperwork.  In about six months I will no longer be living in my parent's home.  In about six months Nathan and I might own our own home??!  So many of my friends have been married for awhile now, and many are having kids.  I'm happy to have found my mate and to be joining the ranks of "grown-ups"...but I don't have much of an idea of how exactly I got here or what exactly I'm doing.  It's definitely a learn-as-I-go type thing (as much of life is).  I really rely on Nathan for some of what we're tackling, because even if he doesn't know a lot more about mortgages and other "grown-up" things than I do, he's certainly good at pretending he does. :-p 

I have a job interview on Thursday; my second this summer.  This position probably won't offer the hours or benefits that the other job I was really hoping for would have, but it also won't take up quite as much of my life.  Since I'm looking at staying active in (and expanding) my theatre-related work (and hopefully going back to school), working part time has its perks.

Speaking of theatre, I am excited that once again I have been offered my next gig before my current one is over.  This has been the trend for me for almost a year now, and I'm really happy about the positive things that says about my outlook for growing in this business.  I don't want to say too much yet, but it's a position I love to work (it's backstage) and will carry a lot more challenge than any previous show I've done.

The Countdown Has Begun

It's finally official!

  

The venue has been reserved, guest lists and budgets have been made (and painfully edited), "Save The Dates" have gone out, and the wedding website has been published. 

There is so much to do.  But with it all will come so many chances to smile, learn, sacrifice, rejoice, create, and dream.

In two hundred days I will marry my best friend.

*Photo cred: Nicolle Walker

No More Stalling

Tonight I will be attending a weekly gathering at my church that is a support group of sorts for spiritual and emotional struggles. A member of my family has been participating in and benefiting from this ministry for a long time. Even after realizing that I am nursing some deep struggles that I am confused about, I was in denial that I should visit and be open to possibilities and healing.

But tonight I take that step, even though I am embarrassed and nervous and unsure. It's even slightly embarrassing to be blogging about this, but I need more accountability in my life (another reason I decided to go).

Has anyone reading this ever done something you were nervous or embarrassed to do, and then experienced positive things from it?

Revisiting Inspiration

Earlier this week I participated in a unique way in a forthcoming change within our theatre department. A full time faculty member is leaving us and the final stage of selecting a new individual for the position is currently proceeding. The selection committee invited students who have been active members of the program to come be members of a mock acting class, which would be taught by the candidates while the committee observed.

I found it really interesting to participate in each teaching style and have the opportunity to give written feedback afterwards.  The candidates refreshed my memory with familiar acting exercises, and a few stretched my abilities with new approaches.  It was exciting and comforting to be in the classroom again with the roots of what led me to love creating on stage.  My favourite theatre teacher calls the acting classroom a "petri dish".  It was interesting to have that experience from new viewpoints.

I was reminded of the best part of being around other actors; it means being around people who say "yes".  They are bold.  They find it normal to do ridiculous things and not be self conscious about it.  I've learned that technicians do that as well in our own ways.  Theatre is full of boldness, and I think the challenge of that is what keeps me hooked.

Transitions

My three jobs (events at CCBC, props for the Cockpit shows, and temping at Everyman) are keeping me busy and are a welcome distraction. This summer looks nothing like I pictured it. I have only myself to blame for that. I'm working to make the absolute best of each day I'm given, and patiently await for the future to make itself clear.

Just as a little follow-up, the peace I made with my final semester grades was awarded by making the Dean's List after all! Because I took so many credits, the second "B" was not factored into the evaluation.

I mentioned graduation in my last post. I think it was the second best day of my life thus far! The weather was gorgeous, the commencement well orchestrated, and I was surrounded by so many people who love me and who made my first college experience so successful. I was proud to have graduated with both Phi Theta Kappa and CCBC Honors, and to have made Magna Cum Laude! I intend to work just as hard to be that successful in pursuit of my bachelor's degree.

For now I'm focusing on some very tough life lessons. Patience, sacrifice, character, and love are all things that have been challenging me lately. I suppose one never truly graduates from those courses.

New Things

I just realized I can blog with my new toy/grad gift - iPod touch! It replaces my beloved iPod I lost a few months back, plus giving me the capability to do much more away from the computer.

Commencement was last Sunday for the 2012 class of CCBC. It was personally an incredible day! Enjoy a couple pics.

(I'm nervous about the formatting of this post. Yay for trial and error!)

Nothing Days Suddenly Seem Worthwhile

The following scenario has been a highlight of my life for the past week, and will be so for another couple weeks:

I take the Light Rail to Penn Station and walk upstairs into the bright and big concourse.  Sometimes I see a man in a suit getting his shoes shined in one of those really old-looking and fancy chairs.  I walk outside where there is a line of waiting taxis in the bright sunshine.  The man at the taxi kiosk now knows my face and we say hello as I pass.

I walk up busy N. Charles St and go to the Station North Arts Cafe.  It's the friendliest, yummiest, coziest cafe I've ever been to.  I like to come for the smiles and leave with an iced coffee.

I end my little commute at the Everyman Theatre.  When I go in I'll spend a few (or many) hours assisting the box office staff.  Everyone at Everyman is friendly and encouraging, and I'm hoping to make connections that will be in my life even after all the over hire work is complete.

When my shift is over the best part of the day arrives because Hubs-To-Be works a few blocks away!  We meet up and leave downtown behind us (or stay around and have dinner, whichever we fancy :-)).

Photo sources: Penn Station Station North Everyman

Costs and Gains: Grades Versus Real Life

Is there a difference between being a perfectionist and setting goals that are too high?

Should any goal ever be considered unattainable?

I'm asking myself these questions in light of my final grades for the semester that were posted yesterday.  The last grades before graduation.  They weren't the straight "A"s I had set my sights on.  I got all "A"s in my program of study (meaning, all four of the performance-based classes I took) and "B"s in Abnormal Psychology and Macroeconomics (my electives).  I am grateful for the "B" in economics because at one point in the semester I was overwhelmed and panicking, thinking that I was failing the course.  If I could have just brought up my psychology grade I would have made Dean's List one more time, and my graduating GPA might have been a little bit higher.

What I'm trying to focus on is the same thoughts I coached myself with when I didn't get Distinguished Graduate.  "I am not a failure."  "This is not a measure of my success."  "Look at all the real world progress I've made in my field."  At some moments those mini pep talks work and at others they don't.

Something I took away from studying economics that applies to my current musings is the principle of opportunity cost.  Could have I gotten an "A" in either of those "B" classes if I had worked harder?  Probably.  But could I have been as great a stage manager or performer if I had devoted more time and energy to doing other homework? Possibly not.

I was recommended for and got a temporary job at a big theatre downtown.  The recommendation came from the director I stage managed Spring Awakening for (he currently works at the theatre).  The aforementioned opportunity cost?  Here it is in action: I'll be working for the next few weeks in their box office, and he's trying to recommend me to their resident production coordinator as a stage manager!  I'm going to do my best to focus on walking through the open doors outside the classroom, and stop looking back on small disappointments.

New Repertoire

Finally, a solo I'm (mostly) happy with!  I was getting over a cold, and a huge glob of something unpleasant in my throat messed up the last few bars.  But it was overall a pleasing last appearance as a member of the music program.

 

At the close of the concert my teacher recognized me with a little surprise- a certificate for "Outstanding Volunteer" and a congratulations on graduating.  I've sung in the choir for a few semesters without registering for the course, and I've assisted her with events, uniforms, and promotions.  It was nice to be publicly recognized by someone I've learned a lot from. :-)

I was also really happy with the performance of our ensemble choir this semester.  This was my favourite number.  They're all on YouTube, thanks to my handy brother!

Greatest Of These

I think we've all heard the following at one time or another in our lives:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Even though it's hard, I'm happy that we've been learning (and learning to live) the true meaning of those words in a very personal way.  And for that, we will be even better than before.

Where The End Runs Into The Beginning

My quest for my first college degree is over!  I'll have my final grades soon, and everything will officially culminate on June 3rd at graduation.

The only thing going according to my plans right now has been in finishing school.  I can't really unravel in public everything that I'm struggling with, but I did want to share a quote that is currently valuable to me:

"Silently and imperceptibly, as we work or sleep, we grow strong or we grow weak; and at last some crisis show us what we have become." (B.F. Westcott)

A crisis has hit me quite unexpectedly, and right now I'm working on figuring out what I have become.  Summer feels empty and the future feels unsure.

Thoughts From The Wings

In the past two weekends I've attended or worked at the following:

-a student-produced play
-a drag ball
-a dance company recital
-an experimental fashion show (put on in a gorgeous dilapidated church)
-a coffeehouse
-a graduation banquet (featuring monologues and music)
-rehearsals for a musical based completely on Elvis music

Photo Cred

Not only is it obviously extremely hard to complete homework on weekends like these, it's hard to WANT to keep attending class at all.  For several of these events I worked or lent a hand in someway, and for two of them I got paid.

It hit me that I'm getting a taste of what life could be like to actually be done school and working in theatre/performance.  I love it, and am determined to be good at it.

I was just offered and accepted a position as props manager for an entire season at a summer theatre (five shows in all).  I may have gotten myself in over my head, but I will no doubt meet lots of people that are good to know in my professional community (and I've already befriended several such individuals this semester).

All that said, I didn't get President's Distinguished Graduate, and I'm okay with that.  It brings me a sense of contentment and pride to reflect that I'm already working in my field and building a good name for myself-that means more than any speech or plaque!

This week I'll be working tech for my current show (also as props mananger) as well as putting on my last Phi Theta Kappa induction as Chapter President.  I am counting the sweet weeks away to finals and then graduation, knowing that I have exciting days ahead of me. :-)

More Teasers! (Not My Own)

To quickly answer my last post: they're the two venues we're currently deciding between for the wedding!  Notre Dame of MD, and a friend's home.

Now until next time, something else that is making me happy!

Pop Quiz! (Blurb Style)

Any guesses as to what these two locations have in common??  (No cheating if you happen to already be in on this! :-))

Now Boarding: Classes & Kappans

I went into spring break without lofty goals or big plans of how I would spend it, yet I am fairly content with how it went!  I slept well, saw the HTB (Hubs-To-Be) almost every day,  did a little studying, shopping, celebrated Easter, etc.  I'm not looking forward to going back to classes, but I'm kind of excited for the final push to have a successful semester.

This week I get to do a bit of traveling and skip an extra day of class.  On Wednesday night I'm leaving with my Phi Theta Kappa chapter for International Convention in Nashville, Tennessee.  While I doubt I'll enjoy this trip in the same way I did the last, I'm excited as always to see new places.  I'll be staying with my friends and other fellow Kappans at the Gaylord Opryland Hotel (part of the Gaylord resort chain).  In my opinion, the place looks ridiculous!!  But in a good way I suppose. :-p  This year's experience will be enhanced by being a part of the campaign of a friend of mine who is going after an International Officer position.  This may be the last big Phi Theta Kappa event I attend for a long time (or ever, depending on how active I become as an alumnus) so I intend to learn as much as I can, celebrate, and enjoy every minute!

Spring Break [or, Where I Talk About How Great Life Is]

Unfortunately we cannot (as Niki suggested) get married in the "Tree Castle".  Longwood Gardens doesn't allow for contracts for private events to be held on the grounds. :-(  Bummer.  However, I am happy to report I am back on the wedding planning train, as we both feel ready to be and as spring break allows me the luxury to do so.  We've started looking for an apartment in the area (hear of a cheap one?  let me know!) and want to make a decision soon about a venue.  We actually already have a reserved date at a venue, but I'm going to keep the when and wheres of that under wraps for now. ;-)

So, a few other items worth reporting about include...

The interview for Distinguished Graduate went, in my opinion, pretty well.  I could feel from everyone in the interview that I had done well, but I don't have a feeling one way or another about whether I will be their final recommendation.  I sat through a video-taped interview conducted by members of the Student Life staff, communications department faculty, and a member of the college's media team.

In the mean time, I was contacted personally by a college dean on behalf of the president to be the student speaker at a reception for the Baltimore County Council!!!!!  I am extremely honored and excited for the reception, which will be held in a few weeks.

I didn't get cast in any Cockpit shows, and was disappointed about that for a few days.  However, it frees up my summer for wedding planning/the wedding, a possible job search, and for working events at the job I currently have.  It was a good learning experience, even without getting cast.

Not getting cast also further opens the door for opportunities that are presenting themselves after stage managing Spring Awakening.  What an experience that was!!  My crew and cast and I had to overcome challenges I really wasn't expecting, and the result was one of the best shows I've ever been apart of.  Everyone I know who saw it commended it, and feedback I received about my abilities as SM were overwhelmingly positive.  I feel born to do it, even though production and management isn't what I originally pictured myself doing in theatre.  Before the show wrapped the director (who I look up to and had an absolute blast with) asked me to come on board another show he was already working on (and in which many of my SA friends are in).  So in May, I'll be doing props for the current show at Dundalk Community Theatre.  I'm actually going to my first rehearsal tonight to get started on things.

What a life I've been given!  I'm currently very, very content in all things.

Tree Castle

I was reminiscing a bit tonight, and particularly enjoyed this photograph.  This enchanting structure is at Longwood Gardens.  It was one of the many magical things we explored together on the day Nathan proposed.  I remember suggesting that he build one just like it so we could live in our very own castle.  :-)

Finalist!

(This is Part Two of Tassles and Titles)

I'm a finalist for President's Distinguished Graduate!  I have an interview on Friday.  I'm not sure who exactly will be interviewing me or what I will be asked, but I'm excited nonetheless to have made it this far.

I wrote an essay with my application, trying to encapsulate my CCBC experience.  That wasn't completely possible, but I did have this to say:

Pre-Tech Week Post

Trying to balance the show while getting good grades is, as usual, difficult.  It's causing me to neglect other things in my life I'd like to be paying attention too.  If you've read my blog long enough, you know the drill. ;-)

I auditioned for the summer season at Cockpit in Court last weekend, and felt really good about my readings for two plays.  However, I haven't heard anything yet and am getting sad and anxious about it.

My classes are so good this semester, and much harder than I expected.  I feel like I'm being stretched as an intellectual and a performer this semester, and it's great!  I'd like to write a more detailed post sharing about all that...but probably not till after the show, haha.

If you're in the Baltimore area, please come check us out next weekend!!

Small?

I didn't think it could happen, but I'm warming up to the idea of a much smaller, intimate wedding.
 

We'll see.  There's some things left to accomplish outside of wedding planning in my life, and a lot of financial and emotional preparation yet to be done as a couple.

photo cred

I'm just excited I'm marrying my best friend.  A wedding is a lovely and meaningful event, but it's one day in the rest of our lives together.  Deciding whether two or 200 guests will be at the ceremony is just a minor detail, when you really think about it.

Tassles and Titles

I've been nominated to apply for the President's Distinguished Graduate Award at my college!

...and I'm super nervous about it.  So nervous in fact, I'm nervous to even work on the application.  I'm starting it tonight.  I was informed of my nomination a little under two weeks ago, and the application is due in under a month.  The due date is smack in the middle of Spring Awakening's tech week and the finalist interviews would be right after the show closes, so I need to get the majority of it all done now.

I wish I knew why I'm so nervous about the whole process, considering I've become used to being in the public eye of the school's community for my leadership and co-curricular involvement.  I am extremely honored to even be nominated because CCBC has changed my life in so many ways that I'm grateful for.  Leaving with not just my degree but this award and the chance to represent the entire graduating class would be beyond amazing!  Any perspective/prayers/well wishes would be appreciated.

February Woes

Happy February!  The show is going well, wedding planning has slowed, and I already feel behind in all my classes. 

I'm trying to pull an all-nighter so I no longer have to feel behind on everything and surrounded by disorganization all the time.  Every night I do the rehearsal report and try to do homework, but usually feel unmotivated.  Stress of work, school, and engagement has hit Nathan and I pretty hard, and that has been somewhat of a distraction.

Anything worth having is not easily got.  I'll work to stay focused on building healthy relationships, and having a successful graduation semester.

Our Productive Nuptial Planning

I just realized that I "dropped the ball"; yesterday was our one-month engagement anniversary!!  So- Happy One Month, Hubs-to-Be. :-)

In honor of this little milestone I'll give a small wedding planning update.  The worries of my long ranting post earlier this month have calmed a bit.  We've discussed and agreed on my future schooling plans, as well as beginning the home hunting process.  In the last two weeks we've toured six possible wedding venues.  Since the engagement we've looked at wedding rings, trolled theknot.com multiple times, confirmed a musician and an officiant, made a tentative guest list, picked colors, invited our wedding attendants, agreed on the style and size of the wedding, and almost settled on a date.  I've tried on three dresses and have an appointment with a bridal salon tomorrow.  Whew!!  My head has been spinning, and now that I put in words all we've already done I understand why.  Even though our wedding is probably a year away, we really rode the wave of excitement and got a lot accomplished.  Nathan and I are the type of people who like details and thoroughness, so planning far in advance gives us plenty of time to discuss opinions, try new ideas, and save money.  I like our system of sharing a Dropbox folder so we never miss a link or picture for the wedding that one may find and want to share with the other.

Since I'm going back to school on Monday it's nice to know we've already thought out a lot so I can primarily focus on non-wedding priorities for awhile.

New Roles

I thought I would have moments of regret or sadness during S.A. rehearsals.  Even though I've briefly stage managed before this, I couldn't quite imagine myself sitting contently by while other actors worked with the director to create their roles. Surprisingly, I've enjoyed every minute of my week of note-taking, report-writing, and schedule-keeping.  This is going to be a thrilling two months. :-)

In mushy news: I still get a little flutter every time Hubby-To-Be asks me out on a date. :-)  I'm looking forward to our weekly date nights this semester!  I also get really excited every time I picture walking down the aisle to become his wife.  Like wanting-to-jump-from-my-skin-with-happiness-excited.

I like learning about how love is an attitude AND a choice.  Earlier this week we had some wedding-centric conflict, caused mostly by mutual stress.  Within a day, the conflict was resolved with kindness and compromise, and left me loving him and how he cares for me more than ever.  I'm striving to remember that no detail of wedding planning is more important than respecting each others' feelings.

Awakening and Creating

Sometimes life intersects art.  By which I mean, you see yourself in a song, a painting, or a play.

In some instances those intersections are liberating; finding voice and colour to things you previously knew not even how to whisper.

In other cases, art make you want to turn and run from what it reveals about yourself.

The crazy fandom hype that is spewed all over the internet about the play I'm currently working on annoys me, and I'm a bit older than the average hormone-crazed teenager posting about it on Tumblr.  I don't sit for hours in my room listening to the soundtrack and enjoy wallowing in the angst it stirs.  So when I read the script for the first time I was not prepared to be emotionally accosted.  It speaks openly of things that I have always been hesitant to discuss or question.  The words of the dialogue and songs fell over me, poking little holes in places where I have put up walls for my innermost thoughts and memories.

Seeing it come to life and managing it all in an objective position (instead of as an actress) should prove to be interesting.

The Ring Is Warm and The Plans Are Dry

(And now we return to regular programming.  Thanks for so enthusiastically enjoying the proposal stories with us. :-))

I went back to work at the scene shop today. Since before finals until now has been a pretty slow time, and I haven't seen the shop for weeks. I was given keys to pretty much every door in the theatre, and taught how to properly read  a floor plan and spike (tape) a stage for a set.  Stoked.  A secret part of me feels like I have a whole lotta keys and very little knowledge fit for using them, but then again, it has taken me a long time to build any confidence at this job.  I still panic on the inside when I'm told to pick up tools and use them.  Fortunately I have a boss/professor that does nothing but cheer me on and make me laugh while simultaneously teaching me things.

Those keys will come in handy this semester as I am the stage manager for our production of "Spring Awakening: A New Musical".  Yep, any theatre geeks who may read this blog, CCBC is the first college in our area to do the musical version of this show.  Tonight our director showed us the ad in a playbill from a local Equity theatre and it was so exciting to see us in print.  This will be the biggest thing I've ever stage managed and I'm both scared and excited.  I'm currently toying with the idea of changing my major to another concentration of theatre besides acting, and if this SM venture goes well I will definitely start to make some decisions.

Because, like whoa, do I need to make a decision about school.  I'm engaged.  I need a full time job, I need money, I need a well-rounded vision for my life....I need so many things.  And no, my dears, there is NOT a wedding date yet.  People literally begin to ask you for one before the ring is warm on your finger and it's like, excuse me, let me bask in the glow of being ENGAGED before I stress over the logistics that a WEDDING entails.  Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to be Nathan's wife, but rushing into wedding planning was the last thing I wanted to do.  Yet we did it.

I expressed several times today to a few people that I currently long to either eat or sleep (mostly sleep) all the time recently.  Life just feels really overwhelming right now.  Last weekend after returning from a long trip (Tuesday through Friday at KCACTF :-)) I spent a total of 18 hours sleeping.  Ridiculous, right? I just wanted to rest and hide from everything, and so I did.  It was amazing.  I'll probably never be doing that again, unless taken severely ill, but I also probably won't forget how awesome it felt.

Guess I should visit with you guys more often.  All of that came out like a shook up soda that couldn't wait to spill all over you.

Proposal Story, Part II

This past December I was secretly expecting something big to happen in my and Nathan's life.  Yet our anniversary and Christmas had come and gone, being pleasant but not holding the special moment I had hoped for.  My man and my parents had a few mysterious conversations and "errands" right before Christmas, and I started to suspect something was going on.

On December 27th Nathan took me to Longwood Gardens.  We spent the whole day exploring the huge gardens, greenhouses, tree houses, and hidden paths.  I was in absolute heaven, especially during the magical moment we found an old stone bell tower that happened to be chiming just as we walked the tiny tree-lined path leading to it.  The weather wasn't ideal, yet the rain made me feel we were enjoying a stormy day straight out of a Frances Hodgson Burnett novel.  At one point I teased him that it was a perfect day to propose to me.  The face he made caused me to immediately apologize and tell him (truthfully) that I was having an incredible time and was only teasing him.

Late in the afternoon as we left the grand conservatory on the Longwood property and headed into the chilling rain and wind, we decided to stop at the outdoor theatre water fountains on our way to the car.  As we waited, I was struck by the ludicrousness of waiting to see a water show while standing in a violent rain storm.  I suggested we go, but Nathan insisted we stay, and so we watched a few rounds of water fountains variations set to different Christmas tunes.  At one point, I turned and found him looking at me very oddly, while standing very oddly.  I asked him "why are you acting weird?" at which he exclaimed "I am not acting weird!"  We were surrounded by people young and old also observing the show (and the storm) and I took pictures of the fountains until we both decided it was time to leave.

He chose a path back to the parking lot that led us through a completely empty and cozy garden filled with benches, trellises and brick paths. I was hurrying to the car on his arm while he carried an umbrella, and suddenly he stopped.  I turned back to look at his face, and when he started the speak I burst into tears as I realized what was happening!   He was holding the umbrella in one hand and the ring in the other, and I stared at him, shocked and ecstatic.  I'm not going to divulge the exact words, but the way in which he asked was eloquent, beautiful, and brief (classic Nathan :-)).  I was crying so hard I couldn't answer, and when I tried to stop crying I started to laugh and still couldn't answer!  But finally I said "yes, yes!!" and we held each other (and kissed a whole bunch. :-) :-p)  Eventually I asked "Can I wear it now?" (the ring) and then I cried and kissed him some more and then I asked to call my mom.  I couldn't even operate my phone I was freaking out so much, so he dialed the call for me.  While I was talking to her the wind blew our umbrella inside out.  Just imagine us in the middle of this storm, me crying and laughing like an idiot on the phone and he wrestling with an inside-out umbrella, and both happy! 

The End of Engagement Story, but just the beginning for lots more adventures.  Together. <3

P.S.  I dare my husband-to-be to tell his version.  I like when he tells stories. :-) *update* You can read his side of the story on his blog (and it's "pretty ballin'!")

Proposal Story, Part I

Some of you know us offline, or have been following this blog long enough, to know that Nathan and I have been dating for about two years.  You may also know I had a bit of a rough time before and right after we got together as a couple.  Regardless, I've known since within the first few weeks of dating him that he was The One.  I hate to be one of those cheesy, infuriating people who says " I just knew" so I won't.  But I did. ;-)

Once you know what you want, and you want it more than anything, and you know not having it is like missing a key to the rest of your life moving forward, it's easy to start becoming discontented, anxious, or even confused.  I did just that at times.  We had discussed and agreed that we would one day get married, and had also agreed it wasn't the time to officially take on that commitment (didn't have full-time jobs, wasn't finished school, etc).  But deep down, I just wanted to get engaged and move forward.  I freely admit I had started to occasionally pester him about it.  I was caught between knowing I wanted him as a permanent part of my life and figuring out how to plan my life without him yet being that permanent part.  However, I wanted him to be sure, confident, and happy about moving into that phase of our relationship.

Right after Christmas and before the New Year, my dearest invited me to share the rest of his life with him!  The moment was unexpected, thrilling, and lovely.

To be continued... ;-)