A year ago I wrote, "I've learned to live. Now it's time to learn to heal." Now I wonder if we spend our lives in a continual cycle of brokeness and restoration, with each time making us a little more into who we're supposed to be.
In church on Sunday, I had the overwhelming realization that God has spent this year pursuing me. I was and am unworthy in every way. I even told Him, "I give up. If you want me, find me." And He did! How ridiculous is it to tell the God of the universe that you don't care enough to follow Him? But His love is that magnificent, that He still wants me when I don't want Him. I asked Him to make me want Him in my life. And He did that too.
For our last worship service of 2010 at church we sang:
"O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here's my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above."
I don't know what else to say, though I feel like I have more I could say. I know that not everyone reading this blog understands or believes that same things I do. Just know, it's your duty to yourself to be a whole and happy person. And to find out that someone loves you completely, and to completely love them back.
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