Small?

I didn't think it could happen, but I'm warming up to the idea of a much smaller, intimate wedding.
 

We'll see.  There's some things left to accomplish outside of wedding planning in my life, and a lot of financial and emotional preparation yet to be done as a couple.

photo cred

I'm just excited I'm marrying my best friend.  A wedding is a lovely and meaningful event, but it's one day in the rest of our lives together.  Deciding whether two or 200 guests will be at the ceremony is just a minor detail, when you really think about it.

Tassles and Titles

I've been nominated to apply for the President's Distinguished Graduate Award at my college!

...and I'm super nervous about it.  So nervous in fact, I'm nervous to even work on the application.  I'm starting it tonight.  I was informed of my nomination a little under two weeks ago, and the application is due in under a month.  The due date is smack in the middle of Spring Awakening's tech week and the finalist interviews would be right after the show closes, so I need to get the majority of it all done now.

I wish I knew why I'm so nervous about the whole process, considering I've become used to being in the public eye of the school's community for my leadership and co-curricular involvement.  I am extremely honored to even be nominated because CCBC has changed my life in so many ways that I'm grateful for.  Leaving with not just my degree but this award and the chance to represent the entire graduating class would be beyond amazing!  Any perspective/prayers/well wishes would be appreciated.

February Woes

Happy February!  The show is going well, wedding planning has slowed, and I already feel behind in all my classes. 

I'm trying to pull an all-nighter so I no longer have to feel behind on everything and surrounded by disorganization all the time.  Every night I do the rehearsal report and try to do homework, but usually feel unmotivated.  Stress of work, school, and engagement has hit Nathan and I pretty hard, and that has been somewhat of a distraction.

Anything worth having is not easily got.  I'll work to stay focused on building healthy relationships, and having a successful graduation semester.

Our Productive Nuptial Planning

I just realized that I "dropped the ball"; yesterday was our one-month engagement anniversary!!  So- Happy One Month, Hubs-to-Be. :-)

In honor of this little milestone I'll give a small wedding planning update.  The worries of my long ranting post earlier this month have calmed a bit.  We've discussed and agreed on my future schooling plans, as well as beginning the home hunting process.  In the last two weeks we've toured six possible wedding venues.  Since the engagement we've looked at wedding rings, trolled theknot.com multiple times, confirmed a musician and an officiant, made a tentative guest list, picked colors, invited our wedding attendants, agreed on the style and size of the wedding, and almost settled on a date.  I've tried on three dresses and have an appointment with a bridal salon tomorrow.  Whew!!  My head has been spinning, and now that I put in words all we've already done I understand why.  Even though our wedding is probably a year away, we really rode the wave of excitement and got a lot accomplished.  Nathan and I are the type of people who like details and thoroughness, so planning far in advance gives us plenty of time to discuss opinions, try new ideas, and save money.  I like our system of sharing a Dropbox folder so we never miss a link or picture for the wedding that one may find and want to share with the other.

Since I'm going back to school on Monday it's nice to know we've already thought out a lot so I can primarily focus on non-wedding priorities for awhile.

New Roles

I thought I would have moments of regret or sadness during S.A. rehearsals.  Even though I've briefly stage managed before this, I couldn't quite imagine myself sitting contently by while other actors worked with the director to create their roles. Surprisingly, I've enjoyed every minute of my week of note-taking, report-writing, and schedule-keeping.  This is going to be a thrilling two months. :-)

In mushy news: I still get a little flutter every time Hubby-To-Be asks me out on a date. :-)  I'm looking forward to our weekly date nights this semester!  I also get really excited every time I picture walking down the aisle to become his wife.  Like wanting-to-jump-from-my-skin-with-happiness-excited.

I like learning about how love is an attitude AND a choice.  Earlier this week we had some wedding-centric conflict, caused mostly by mutual stress.  Within a day, the conflict was resolved with kindness and compromise, and left me loving him and how he cares for me more than ever.  I'm striving to remember that no detail of wedding planning is more important than respecting each others' feelings.

Awakening and Creating

Sometimes life intersects art.  By which I mean, you see yourself in a song, a painting, or a play.

In some instances those intersections are liberating; finding voice and colour to things you previously knew not even how to whisper.

In other cases, art make you want to turn and run from what it reveals about yourself.

The crazy fandom hype that is spewed all over the internet about the play I'm currently working on annoys me, and I'm a bit older than the average hormone-crazed teenager posting about it on Tumblr.  I don't sit for hours in my room listening to the soundtrack and enjoy wallowing in the angst it stirs.  So when I read the script for the first time I was not prepared to be emotionally accosted.  It speaks openly of things that I have always been hesitant to discuss or question.  The words of the dialogue and songs fell over me, poking little holes in places where I have put up walls for my innermost thoughts and memories.

Seeing it come to life and managing it all in an objective position (instead of as an actress) should prove to be interesting.

The Ring Is Warm and The Plans Are Dry

(And now we return to regular programming.  Thanks for so enthusiastically enjoying the proposal stories with us. :-))

I went back to work at the scene shop today. Since before finals until now has been a pretty slow time, and I haven't seen the shop for weeks. I was given keys to pretty much every door in the theatre, and taught how to properly read  a floor plan and spike (tape) a stage for a set.  Stoked.  A secret part of me feels like I have a whole lotta keys and very little knowledge fit for using them, but then again, it has taken me a long time to build any confidence at this job.  I still panic on the inside when I'm told to pick up tools and use them.  Fortunately I have a boss/professor that does nothing but cheer me on and make me laugh while simultaneously teaching me things.

Those keys will come in handy this semester as I am the stage manager for our production of "Spring Awakening: A New Musical".  Yep, any theatre geeks who may read this blog, CCBC is the first college in our area to do the musical version of this show.  Tonight our director showed us the ad in a playbill from a local Equity theatre and it was so exciting to see us in print.  This will be the biggest thing I've ever stage managed and I'm both scared and excited.  I'm currently toying with the idea of changing my major to another concentration of theatre besides acting, and if this SM venture goes well I will definitely start to make some decisions.

Because, like whoa, do I need to make a decision about school.  I'm engaged.  I need a full time job, I need money, I need a well-rounded vision for my life....I need so many things.  And no, my dears, there is NOT a wedding date yet.  People literally begin to ask you for one before the ring is warm on your finger and it's like, excuse me, let me bask in the glow of being ENGAGED before I stress over the logistics that a WEDDING entails.  Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to be Nathan's wife, but rushing into wedding planning was the last thing I wanted to do.  Yet we did it.

I expressed several times today to a few people that I currently long to either eat or sleep (mostly sleep) all the time recently.  Life just feels really overwhelming right now.  Last weekend after returning from a long trip (Tuesday through Friday at KCACTF :-)) I spent a total of 18 hours sleeping.  Ridiculous, right? I just wanted to rest and hide from everything, and so I did.  It was amazing.  I'll probably never be doing that again, unless taken severely ill, but I also probably won't forget how awesome it felt.

Guess I should visit with you guys more often.  All of that came out like a shook up soda that couldn't wait to spill all over you.

Proposal Story, Part II

This past December I was secretly expecting something big to happen in my and Nathan's life.  Yet our anniversary and Christmas had come and gone, being pleasant but not holding the special moment I had hoped for.  My man and my parents had a few mysterious conversations and "errands" right before Christmas, and I started to suspect something was going on.

On December 27th Nathan took me to Longwood Gardens.  We spent the whole day exploring the huge gardens, greenhouses, tree houses, and hidden paths.  I was in absolute heaven, especially during the magical moment we found an old stone bell tower that happened to be chiming just as we walked the tiny tree-lined path leading to it.  The weather wasn't ideal, yet the rain made me feel we were enjoying a stormy day straight out of a Frances Hodgson Burnett novel.  At one point I teased him that it was a perfect day to propose to me.  The face he made caused me to immediately apologize and tell him (truthfully) that I was having an incredible time and was only teasing him.

Late in the afternoon as we left the grand conservatory on the Longwood property and headed into the chilling rain and wind, we decided to stop at the outdoor theatre water fountains on our way to the car.  As we waited, I was struck by the ludicrousness of waiting to see a water show while standing in a violent rain storm.  I suggested we go, but Nathan insisted we stay, and so we watched a few rounds of water fountains variations set to different Christmas tunes.  At one point, I turned and found him looking at me very oddly, while standing very oddly.  I asked him "why are you acting weird?" at which he exclaimed "I am not acting weird!"  We were surrounded by people young and old also observing the show (and the storm) and I took pictures of the fountains until we both decided it was time to leave.

He chose a path back to the parking lot that led us through a completely empty and cozy garden filled with benches, trellises and brick paths. I was hurrying to the car on his arm while he carried an umbrella, and suddenly he stopped.  I turned back to look at his face, and when he started the speak I burst into tears as I realized what was happening!   He was holding the umbrella in one hand and the ring in the other, and I stared at him, shocked and ecstatic.  I'm not going to divulge the exact words, but the way in which he asked was eloquent, beautiful, and brief (classic Nathan :-)).  I was crying so hard I couldn't answer, and when I tried to stop crying I started to laugh and still couldn't answer!  But finally I said "yes, yes!!" and we held each other (and kissed a whole bunch. :-) :-p)  Eventually I asked "Can I wear it now?" (the ring) and then I cried and kissed him some more and then I asked to call my mom.  I couldn't even operate my phone I was freaking out so much, so he dialed the call for me.  While I was talking to her the wind blew our umbrella inside out.  Just imagine us in the middle of this storm, me crying and laughing like an idiot on the phone and he wrestling with an inside-out umbrella, and both happy! 

The End of Engagement Story, but just the beginning for lots more adventures.  Together. <3

P.S.  I dare my husband-to-be to tell his version.  I like when he tells stories. :-) *update* You can read his side of the story on his blog (and it's "pretty ballin'!")