The year 2009 was nothing like I imagined it would be. I can remember that a year ago at this time, I was as broken as I am now, but in a much different way...
I had such aspirations about who I would become and what I would do and who I would please. Now I am indeed a changed person, but not the one I expected to be, nor one I recognize or understand.
In 2009 I lived more deeply and fully and recklessly than ever before in my life. There is something to be said for that. There is something to be said for taking chances, making changes, and making choices. Perhaps even for choices that are made unconciously or thoughtlessly? But living, like any battle, cannot be lived through without wounds. This year, life has wounded me. It happens to all of us; I realize this. The feelings I'm experiencing are nothing special or new in the way of the world. But wounds are an individual experience. The healing of them is nothing that anyone can live for me or give to me.
I've learned to live. Now it's time to learn to heal.
(Title taken from the Anberlin song "Glass To The Arson")
December 30, 2009
December 27, 2009
Merry Christmas To Me
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Here's a shot of me and my favourite Christmas present. :-p On Christmas Eve we had a cozy day of wrapping presents, eating some delicious home-made stewed chicken, pak choi, and rice, watching "Up," and searching for neat holiday light displays in a neighborhood near my house. Oh, and taking pictures!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from Nathan and Debbie. :-)
December 24, 2009
Return
To append my series of travel entries I wanted to say we made it home safely. :) Thanks for reading and for the friendly comments that were left!
The drive from Indiana to Maryland took about 14 hours, the weather was fair and the traffic light, and the only major disaster was dropping my iPod in a puddle of freezing water. :( It seems to have survived, however.
Today I am celebrating Christmas by being reunited with Nathan! :-D He's picking me up shortly and we have a nice time of holiday festivities planned.
Merry Christmas Eve!! May the Source of all warmth, light, and love be present in your life, today and always.
The drive from Indiana to Maryland took about 14 hours, the weather was fair and the traffic light, and the only major disaster was dropping my iPod in a puddle of freezing water. :( It seems to have survived, however.
Today I am celebrating Christmas by being reunited with Nathan! :-D He's picking me up shortly and we have a nice time of holiday festivities planned.
Merry Christmas Eve!! May the Source of all warmth, light, and love be present in your life, today and always.
The Heartland Discovered
The post-wedding festivities were just as nice as the former part of the trip. On Tuesday morning we gathered at my uncle and aunt's house to enjoy a huge and delicious brunch, look at the wedding pictures, and then send bride and groom off to the airpot on a sea of hugs and bubbles.
For rest of the day my family chatted with uncle, aunt, and cousin Michael, enjoying their home and getting a walking tour of the adorable town they live in. Francesville, Indiana has a railroad track running through it, a beautiful church (where my aunt pastors; their family lives in the parsonage next door), a drug store, a flower shop, a grocery, a post office, and not a single traffic light. The quiet streets were covered in snow and charm, and the people we met were so friendly as they went about their daily routine and welcomed us to their town.
Indiana left a very good impression on me, not just in the home of my family but everywhere we went- hotels, gas stations, and grocery stores alike. There is a reason why a section of America is called the heartland. When you go there it's like finding a warm, nourishing, and soft place that doesn't demand attention; it simply invites you in when you stop long enough to pay attention to it.
For rest of the day my family chatted with uncle, aunt, and cousin Michael, enjoying their home and getting a walking tour of the adorable town they live in. Francesville, Indiana has a railroad track running through it, a beautiful church (where my aunt pastors; their family lives in the parsonage next door), a drug store, a flower shop, a grocery, a post office, and not a single traffic light. The quiet streets were covered in snow and charm, and the people we met were so friendly as they went about their daily routine and welcomed us to their town.
Indiana left a very good impression on me, not just in the home of my family but everywhere we went- hotels, gas stations, and grocery stores alike. There is a reason why a section of America is called the heartland. When you go there it's like finding a warm, nourishing, and soft place that doesn't demand attention; it simply invites you in when you stop long enough to pay attention to it.
December 22, 2009
A Day of Unity
Despite the tiring events of the evening, I am decently awake considering it is 3AM. I find the more invested I am in an event, the harder time I have relaxing after it's over. Maybe something about Leah's wedding made an impression on me...
Beside the fact I generally love weddings, being at this particular wedding meant the world to me. I've always longed for more time with my blood relatives, but due to geographical distance we've been largely absent in each other's lives. Leah begged me to make it out to her wedding at all costs, and much to my satisfaction we did. It didn't matter our families had been apart for years; we came together to make a truly special event harmonious and memorable. There was nervous energy and running around and careful attention to detail and laughter over small moments that only families can appreciate. There was love and sincerity on the faces of the bride and groom; a love that is inspired not just by appreciation for each other, but by the God they serve. Their actions and words overflowed with gratefulness to us, their family.
Before the ceremony Leah was very nervous about the sundry details that weigh on a bride's mind, and Doug, the groom, was concerned about her being upset. My aunt came to tell him that his bride looked "beautiful." He sighed contently and smiled, and then immediately asked, "But is she happy?" Later during the reception as I was helping my aunt to pour punch, Leah stopped to look straight at her mother and say, "Everything is perfect. Thank you, so much."
Small moments like those remind me of the type of beauty and love I pray I learn to share with those in my life. Congratulations and blessings, Doug and Leah. :)
Beside the fact I generally love weddings, being at this particular wedding meant the world to me. I've always longed for more time with my blood relatives, but due to geographical distance we've been largely absent in each other's lives. Leah begged me to make it out to her wedding at all costs, and much to my satisfaction we did. It didn't matter our families had been apart for years; we came together to make a truly special event harmonious and memorable. There was nervous energy and running around and careful attention to detail and laughter over small moments that only families can appreciate. There was love and sincerity on the faces of the bride and groom; a love that is inspired not just by appreciation for each other, but by the God they serve. Their actions and words overflowed with gratefulness to us, their family.
Before the ceremony Leah was very nervous about the sundry details that weigh on a bride's mind, and Doug, the groom, was concerned about her being upset. My aunt came to tell him that his bride looked "beautiful." He sighed contently and smiled, and then immediately asked, "But is she happy?" Later during the reception as I was helping my aunt to pour punch, Leah stopped to look straight at her mother and say, "Everything is perfect. Thank you, so much."
Small moments like those remind me of the type of beauty and love I pray I learn to share with those in my life. Congratulations and blessings, Doug and Leah. :)
December 21, 2009
Celebration Outfit!
Here's what I'll be wearing to my cousin's wedding this evening:
-Brown, purple, and red paisley dress from Kohl's
-Black sweater from Kohl's-Red t-strap heels from Payless ($7, I was so syked when I found them!)
-Black tights from Target
-Chunky pearls from Charter Club at Macy's
The blog title indicates not just my celebration of Leah's wedding, but of the fact that this is the first short dress I've worn in weeks due to a painful outbreak of eczema on my legs and arms. I've been hiding under long sleeves and pants, and feel very happy to brave the cold in this cheerful outfit today! :-)
December 20, 2009
"You're real!"
Today I saw Indiana by daylight. It's sooo flat! The land stretches on in sight toward the horizon, until interrupted by a forest or a silo. We are in a rural area; dead corn stumps and grain fields peek through the thick dusting of snow that recently fell here. Large, well-kept farm houses are set back from the road, and we saw several acres of wind turbines and several up-to-date graineries.
We slept in today, ate the hotel continental breakfast, and reveled in feeling rested and warm after yesterday's stressful trek. The hotel is really one of the nicest I've ever stayed; a Best Western in Monticello, IN with many amenities and affordable prices. In the afternoon we made a short drive to a small church in Francesville and reunited with my aunt, uncle, and two cousins. My cousin Leah, the bride, jumped up when I walked into the sanctuary, hugged me and shouted "Oh my God you're here! I haven't seen you in ten years! You're real!!" Hehehe, I squeezed her back and we each squealed some more while everyone stared at us. My brother and I have been enlisted as wedding staff; he to run sound and I to light the altar and pew candles.
The ceremony was rehearsed successfully, the reception hall decorated, and then we all enjoyed a satisfying dinner at an Olive Garden. My dad is the wedding photographer, so he was snapping away as we all reunited and worked. After dinner, my parents and brother and I headed back to the hotel, finding on the way a farm that was entirely festooned in Christmas lights and open to passersby. Now I'm cozy and sleepy, and excited for the big day tomorrow! :)
We slept in today, ate the hotel continental breakfast, and reveled in feeling rested and warm after yesterday's stressful trek. The hotel is really one of the nicest I've ever stayed; a Best Western in Monticello, IN with many amenities and affordable prices. In the afternoon we made a short drive to a small church in Francesville and reunited with my aunt, uncle, and two cousins. My cousin Leah, the bride, jumped up when I walked into the sanctuary, hugged me and shouted "Oh my God you're here! I haven't seen you in ten years! You're real!!" Hehehe, I squeezed her back and we each squealed some more while everyone stared at us. My brother and I have been enlisted as wedding staff; he to run sound and I to light the altar and pew candles.
The ceremony was rehearsed successfully, the reception hall decorated, and then we all enjoyed a satisfying dinner at an Olive Garden. My dad is the wedding photographer, so he was snapping away as we all reunited and worked. After dinner, my parents and brother and I headed back to the hotel, finding on the way a farm that was entirely festooned in Christmas lights and open to passersby. Now I'm cozy and sleepy, and excited for the big day tomorrow! :)
Rehearsal Outfit
I'll make a few brief fashion entries from my trip!
Here's what I wore today for decorating/rehearsal/dinner for my cousin's wedding:
Belt and sweater dress from Forever 21
Skinny jeans from Macy's
Brown leather flat boots by Hot Kiss at Famous Footwear
And the facebook album from my last entry is being updated daily with trip pictures!
Here's what I wore today for decorating/rehearsal/dinner for my cousin's wedding:
Belt and sweater dress from Forever 21
Skinny jeans from Macy's
Brown leather flat boots by Hot Kiss at Famous Footwear
And the facebook album from my last entry is being updated daily with trip pictures!
Indiana Chronicles
Hopefully this will work! Click here for the Facebook link to my pictures. I'll continue to update it until we get home.
My brother and I have also been making some funny videos..Might try to post those at a later time!
My brother and I have also been making some funny videos..Might try to post those at a later time!
December 19, 2009
Hoosierness
We made it safely to Indiana! We left Maryland around 4am in a blizzard, and have been on the road (with two meal breaks) since then. We got settled in the hotel about an hour ago, and I've had about 4 hours sleep in two days. The Audrey book and my iPod, coupled with texting Nathan off and on for hours at a time, made the day pass by. We ate brunch and dinner at Cracker Barrels; one in Pennsylvania and one in Indiana. My relatives are about 20 mins away, and tomorrow I see my aunt, uncle, and two cousins for the first time in 8 years! I'm sure after I get more sleep, I'll be more excited. Pics in the morning, maybe. <3
December 17, 2009
Epic Traveling Items
Here is what I am taking with me to make the long drive and hotel stay bearable!~My [red] iPod
~My awesome new phone (Samsung Impression; it has a touch screen!)
~My laptop
~A bag of dark chocolate from dear Shannon
~A stack of scripts that I have to judge for the Barnstormers' playwright contest
~"The Night The Songs Sang". It's a Christmas anthology. I read it every Christmas, usually while snuggled in my bed late at night.
~"Audrey Style", which Nathan gave me to read on my trip.
Add in a tooth brush and a fabulous outfit for my cousin's wedding, and I think I'm all set!
Quote of the Day
"Now that finals are over I have nothing to procrastinate about. My life is so empty."
-Me. :p
-Me. :p
December 16, 2009
My First Gift of the Season
Had to pop back in the share this with all my fellow Audrey fans on my blog roll:
"Audrey Style" by Pamela Clark Keogh. It's a "style biography" revealing Audrey as not just a fashionista but as a person. It includes interviews from Hubert de Givenchy, Gregory Peck, Nancy Reagan, and more. Also has gorgeous full page pictures.
This book was an early Christmas gift from my other gift of the season, my wonderful boyfriend. :-* I look forward to enjoying both my gifts! :-D
Countdown
One more final and then I'm free for 5 weeks!...and then we leave for a drive from Maryland to Kentucky to Indiana...and then we drive back for Christmas...and then we drive up to stay in Pennsylvania for a weekend.
On the downside, I am tired and things are only going to get more tiring. On the upside, I will have plenty to blog about!
On the downside, I am tired and things are only going to get more tiring. On the upside, I will have plenty to blog about!
December 10, 2009
December 2, 2009
Patterns and Progress
I am in my third semester of college, and see a pattern emerging. Every semester about this time (two or three weeks left) I start staying up late, having some sort of health problem, get involved in a non-academic project, write a paper I dread (though I have an unreasonable dread of most of my papers :p), and deal with some sort of major social or relationship issue. It's less than two weeks until finals, and all of the above is happening. Lovely.
I was going to end with the above, but that seems too harsh. Good things are happening, and I've grown enough to look for good things and fixate on those instead of my problems. Nathan and I have hung out a lot lately, and that always makes for a good day in Debbie Land. Barnstormers is in the midst of rehearsals for our variety show (opening December 3rd) and I was really encouraged by how things went tonight. Final dress rehearsal is tomorrow and I'm content to say the show is what it is and I'm not going to stress about it. I've started my next psychology paper a week before it's due instead of the day before, and it's shaping up to be interesting...(I didn't say good or pleasant, just interesting). I finished all the test work needed for computer class a week early (this was after coming to the class three weeks into the semester, so I'm pretty happy with myself).
I'm going to stop stalling, and continue listening to Dashboard, while reading about Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development. Good night.
I was going to end with the above, but that seems too harsh. Good things are happening, and I've grown enough to look for good things and fixate on those instead of my problems. Nathan and I have hung out a lot lately, and that always makes for a good day in Debbie Land. Barnstormers is in the midst of rehearsals for our variety show (opening December 3rd) and I was really encouraged by how things went tonight. Final dress rehearsal is tomorrow and I'm content to say the show is what it is and I'm not going to stress about it. I've started my next psychology paper a week before it's due instead of the day before, and it's shaping up to be interesting...(I didn't say good or pleasant, just interesting). I finished all the test work needed for computer class a week early (this was after coming to the class three weeks into the semester, so I'm pretty happy with myself).
I'm going to stop stalling, and continue listening to Dashboard, while reading about Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development. Good night.
November 28, 2009
Candle time!
Apparently, today my blog is one-year old! Woohoo.....I don't actually know what you're supposed to do on your blog's birthday, so I'll just say it's a pleasure knowing that ten followers care enough to subscribe to my randomness. :p :)
Today I did about the same thing I was doing same time last year. Slept in, and then went to the CITY reunion at the Stiegler's house. I'm more invested than ever in the program, but with an entirely difference perspective I had a year ago. Not just about CITY, but about myself and life. Anyway, it was SO good to see the students, and everyone concerned had a lot of fun raking leaves, playing football, roasting marshmallows, and catching up.
Now I am at home, trying to destress from an eventful drive home. If it's possible to destress from things that haven't happened yet, I'm trying to do that too. I'm dreading December. Which seems like an awful thing to say in Debbie Land, but I am.
Today I did about the same thing I was doing same time last year. Slept in, and then went to the CITY reunion at the Stiegler's house. I'm more invested than ever in the program, but with an entirely difference perspective I had a year ago. Not just about CITY, but about myself and life. Anyway, it was SO good to see the students, and everyone concerned had a lot of fun raking leaves, playing football, roasting marshmallows, and catching up.
Now I am at home, trying to destress from an eventful drive home. If it's possible to destress from things that haven't happened yet, I'm trying to do that too. I'm dreading December. Which seems like an awful thing to say in Debbie Land, but I am.
November 26, 2009
Enjoying A Break!
I now definitely do not have a good excuse to not regularly update my blog, and enjoy doing do. I have my own laptop! It's an early Christmas present from my parents. My brother got one as well, and this will make work/schoolwork/entertainment a much easier endeavor in our household! Four people+ one desktop= no fun! My new toy is a Toshiba Satellite with Windows 7.
I'm sorry I didn't post my November bulletin board. Having the same paper background on it for over a year finally started to bug me, and it got cluttered, and it didn't change much from October until a week or so ago. So I promise I will be redecorating and reorganizing to do a post in December that will update you about current events via my tack board!
Theatre is keeping me busy at school. I made myself an honorary member of the academic play crew last week (which the lovely guy mentioned in the previous post was the assistant tech director for) and had a grand time. :) I got to sit backstage for most of the shows and help with strike....fun fun fun! ;p Next week the Barnstormers' variety show goes up. I'm excited with the content and talent of it, but I am extremely nervous because we have yet to find an accompianist for it!! :( Anyone in the Catonsville/Arbutus Maryland area know a good pianist looking for a job?
I was so relieved for Thanksgiving break to come. My schedule, though not incredibly demanding, was just getting old. I've nervous about my grades, even though none of my classes are particularly hard. I have to write a personal biography for psychology class and really do not want to.
I'm sleepy and need to be doing some research. Good night/good morning who ever reads this!
I'm sorry I didn't post my November bulletin board. Having the same paper background on it for over a year finally started to bug me, and it got cluttered, and it didn't change much from October until a week or so ago. So I promise I will be redecorating and reorganizing to do a post in December that will update you about current events via my tack board!
Theatre is keeping me busy at school. I made myself an honorary member of the academic play crew last week (which the lovely guy mentioned in the previous post was the assistant tech director for) and had a grand time. :) I got to sit backstage for most of the shows and help with strike....fun fun fun! ;p Next week the Barnstormers' variety show goes up. I'm excited with the content and talent of it, but I am extremely nervous because we have yet to find an accompianist for it!! :( Anyone in the Catonsville/Arbutus Maryland area know a good pianist looking for a job?
I was so relieved for Thanksgiving break to come. My schedule, though not incredibly demanding, was just getting old. I've nervous about my grades, even though none of my classes are particularly hard. I have to write a personal biography for psychology class and really do not want to.
I'm sleepy and need to be doing some research. Good night/good morning who ever reads this!
Happiness, Defined By Debbie
The other day someone special asked me what makes me happy. Without thinking too hard, I shared the list of following things that came to mind:
- Kisses
- Children
- Sunny days
- Accomplishment
- The ocean
- Sacrifice
- Grace
- Shoes
Each of these things lightens my heart and brightens my day. Do you have a list of favourite things? Try to imagine what it would be like to feel all of your favourite things at once, and you'll have an idea of how I've been feeling lately.
I have someone in my life who makes me feel like all of my favourite things jumbled up into one. I haven't stopped smiling for days, and I'm excited for every morning that I wake up and talk to him. My day is instantly comfortable and complete when we occupy the same space.
A part of me is always scared to take risk, let people in, or invest in something new. I'm scared of getting hurt, or hurting someone else. But a voice of peace has persisted through every part of getting to know him, and I'm so ready and excited to see where life takes us.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! <3
November 22, 2009
November 2, 2009
October
I'm so behind! :( Things are well, however..here's a list of latest events:
-Visiting Maryland Renaissance Festival for the first time
-Sleeping 12 hours on Halloween, but partying the night before :p
-Getting my ears pierced, but with a twist; I got a regular set of holes, and second hole in my right ear to match the hole my BFF has in her left ear.
-Organizing the cabaret show that Barnstormers is putting on
-Hosting a Halloween Murder Mystery coffeehouse at school
-Going on some fun dates :)
-Once again coming to the realization that loneliness is a choice, and so is happiness. More about that later.
-Thus far having a passing average in my math class!
-Taking lots of pictures of pretty changing leaves
-Driving a lot and knowing that my confidence and skills are increasing each time
There are some pictures to go with my hurried catch-up in my newest Facebook album. I hope to be back socializing with my blog world soon!
-Visiting Maryland Renaissance Festival for the first time
-Sleeping 12 hours on Halloween, but partying the night before :p
-Getting my ears pierced, but with a twist; I got a regular set of holes, and second hole in my right ear to match the hole my BFF has in her left ear.
-Organizing the cabaret show that Barnstormers is putting on
-Hosting a Halloween Murder Mystery coffeehouse at school
-Going on some fun dates :)
-Once again coming to the realization that loneliness is a choice, and so is happiness. More about that later.
-Thus far having a passing average in my math class!
-Taking lots of pictures of pretty changing leaves
-Driving a lot and knowing that my confidence and skills are increasing each time
There are some pictures to go with my hurried catch-up in my newest Facebook album. I hope to be back socializing with my blog world soon!
October 15, 2009
Rainy Days Have Sunshine Too
It was a cold and wet day, but a nice one. Here's some things that brightened the day:
-Wearing a comfy hat that I swiped from my brother (ok, not actually...he out grew it and I asked him for it :p). It fits perfectly and even got me a few compliments.
-Spending time with new friends!
-Receiving news that I have been awarded a $1,000 scholarship from the Catonsville Theatre Company!! The money is from the memorial fund of a past Barnstormers President, so the CTC was very gracious in awarding it to me. This money will cover my Spring 2010 tuition, which is a huge relief to me. It means I can spend winter break saving for a car instead of school fees.
-Yoga class was great. The dance studio was SO cold, but after the teacher led us through Sun Salutations I was sweating! Plus, I successfully attempted the side plank pose. It made me happy I could hold it and not topple over! :p
-My club VP, Jo, has Broadway music for me! Tomorrow I am getting The Music Man and West Side Story CDs. :-D
Snuggle up with a good song and a cup of hot tea this evening. :)
-Wearing a comfy hat that I swiped from my brother (ok, not actually...he out grew it and I asked him for it :p). It fits perfectly and even got me a few compliments.
-Spending time with new friends!
-Receiving news that I have been awarded a $1,000 scholarship from the Catonsville Theatre Company!! The money is from the memorial fund of a past Barnstormers President, so the CTC was very gracious in awarding it to me. This money will cover my Spring 2010 tuition, which is a huge relief to me. It means I can spend winter break saving for a car instead of school fees.
-Yoga class was great. The dance studio was SO cold, but after the teacher led us through Sun Salutations I was sweating! Plus, I successfully attempted the side plank pose. It made me happy I could hold it and not topple over! :p
-My club VP, Jo, has Broadway music for me! Tomorrow I am getting The Music Man and West Side Story CDs. :-D
Snuggle up with a good song and a cup of hot tea this evening. :)
October 10, 2009
Blog Takes Flight!
As long as the season, my mood, and my hair are changing, so should my blog! I found my gorgeous new look at deluxetemplates.net (same designer as "Letters of Note.") I'm so excited about it, and highly recommend the versatile and user-friendly designs. Browsing the site and tweaking my new layout makes me wish I understood more about HTML, though. :-/ I'll add it to my list of things I wish to become proficient at...
October 9, 2009
Bleh...*pulls hood over hair*
I'm having one of those days where it's very hard to care about anything. I rolled out of bed 20 minutes before class, flipping out that I was going to be late. Made it to class on time with no shower and unruly hair (thank goodness for hair pins), wearing ratty jeans, a hoodie, and no make-up. When I went to visit Nathan in the theatre shop after class, he asked if I had slept lately. :p I sat in the shop, playing with his laptop and watching him cut wood. Sounds weird, but I love being in the shop and I love the smell of cut wood. So it made my day. :) Thanks Nate!
Now I'm home with a to-do list a page long. Lets see how far I get...*reaches for comfort coffee*
P.S. Two items in regard to my blog-
-I've added a video to my "Glee" blog entry
-"Letters of Note" is my find of the week and current favourite blog. Check it out if you love a quirky look at events and gossip of past and present!
Now I'm home with a to-do list a page long. Lets see how far I get...*reaches for comfort coffee*
P.S. Two items in regard to my blog-
-I've added a video to my "Glee" blog entry
-"Letters of Note" is my find of the week and current favourite blog. Check it out if you love a quirky look at events and gossip of past and present!
October 8, 2009
gLee!
I have a new addiction! It is in the form of the Fox television show, "Glee." It's a cute, quirky, and fun hour-long sitcom about the trials and tribulations of an Ohio high school's glee club. Every episode has some fantastic and surprising chorus or musical theatre number, plus Josh Groban and Kristin Chenoweth have guest-starred!!
I say all this not just to gush, but to set the stage for my enjoyable evening. I went over to Johanna's house, joining Edwin and Mara (3/4s of my Barnstormers executive board :), and we had a "Glee" marathon before tonight's newest episode. Afterward, Jo's play list supplied us with music for an impromptu and epic dance party. Selections included "You're The One That I Want", "Defying Gravity," "Don't Stop Believin'" (the "Glee" version), "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," random Phantom, Spring Awakening, and Legally Blonde numbers and much more (as indicated, we're theatre geeks). I laughed so hard and sang so loud I was a tad hoarse. Thanks my loves for a fun time!
(Click the picture to visit Hulu.com and join my glee! ;)
Here's a good synopsis of the show:
I say all this not just to gush, but to set the stage for my enjoyable evening. I went over to Johanna's house, joining Edwin and Mara (3/4s of my Barnstormers executive board :), and we had a "Glee" marathon before tonight's newest episode. Afterward, Jo's play list supplied us with music for an impromptu and epic dance party. Selections included "You're The One That I Want", "Defying Gravity," "Don't Stop Believin'" (the "Glee" version), "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," random Phantom, Spring Awakening, and Legally Blonde numbers and much more (as indicated, we're theatre geeks). I laughed so hard and sang so loud I was a tad hoarse. Thanks my loves for a fun time!
(Click the picture to visit Hulu.com and join my glee! ;)Here's a good synopsis of the show:
October 4, 2009
October Postings!
Ready for my personal notices for the month of October? Enjoy! (New items are bolded)
1. Still love this card I found in NH; "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."
2. Still hearting "I Hate Hamlet."
3. Audrey calendar, October page. As much as I love her at all times, I don't really care for this graphical rendering of my favourite movie. :p
4. Magazine inspirations for the month- hats, capes, gloves, purses, boots, and a whimsical dress!
5. Pictures- one with my bestie, and the other of my "cousins," taken at Jeff's farewell party last month. He's headed to boot camp. :-/
6. A new list of things to save for, including a ticket to Rennfest, and a car!
7. Notebook paper, on which I scrawled some valuable advice a friend gave me recently about perspective, love, and letting go.
8. Fortune from a Chinese cookie.
9. Postcard from a dear friend who was traveling in Lisbon! How exotic and jealous I felt when I received it! :)
10. Printed from modcloth.com, "The Way You Look Tonight Dress"
11. Anberlin concert souvenirs. :)
Vibrant
Hello! Fall is here! :) This means that the temperatures are slightly cooler here - last week I wore cardigans, sweaters, leggings, and my awesome leather boots- and the trees are teasing me with wardrobe changes of their own. I am hoping that this season will be as gorgeous as last fall. I've come to appreciate fall not as a time of death, but as a time of change and celebration. I dyed my hair last week, so my auburn head is proudly proclaiming my love of vibrant colours!
Mini pointless rant: This morning I brought up Playbill Radio, and I had just missed "Phantom of the Opera" sung by Colm Wilkinson (the Phantom of the 1989 Canadian production). THIS IS MAJOR FAIL!! I adore the Canadian production. My dad brought home the show recording from a business trip in the early 90's, and I officially fell in love with my first musical. I was so jealous Dad had seen it in Toronto, and it is one of my most treasured dreams to see a Broadway production of Phantom.
I don't really feel like talking about daily things; I'll just say school is good, and I've enjoyed lots of time with various friends recently. I'm accomplishing my goal of meeting lots of new people this semester. Barnstormers weighs on my mind a little. I would like to see us really grow as a club and as individual artists, but I'll admit I'm not making the time to plan or work on things as much as I'd like to. I barely give the time I should to learning my own music for voice lessons, and then there are my other classes. Excuses, excuses!
I'll try to update again soon, including the monthly bulletin board run-down! <3
Mini pointless rant: This morning I brought up Playbill Radio, and I had just missed "Phantom of the Opera" sung by Colm Wilkinson (the Phantom of the 1989 Canadian production). THIS IS MAJOR FAIL!! I adore the Canadian production. My dad brought home the show recording from a business trip in the early 90's, and I officially fell in love with my first musical. I was so jealous Dad had seen it in Toronto, and it is one of my most treasured dreams to see a Broadway production of Phantom.
I don't really feel like talking about daily things; I'll just say school is good, and I've enjoyed lots of time with various friends recently. I'm accomplishing my goal of meeting lots of new people this semester. Barnstormers weighs on my mind a little. I would like to see us really grow as a club and as individual artists, but I'll admit I'm not making the time to plan or work on things as much as I'd like to. I barely give the time I should to learning my own music for voice lessons, and then there are my other classes. Excuses, excuses!
I'll try to update again soon, including the monthly bulletin board run-down! <3
September 16, 2009
Slacking, Thinking, Hello, Goodbye.
I don't blog well when I'm unhappy, hence the lack of posts last week. However, I am up, running, and smiling again!
This was a long week, filled with thoughts and friends and [school]work. Twas good all in all. :) I'm a bit behind on homework, so I hope to rest this evening and tomorrow, and catch up on reading and note-taking. I've passed my first two quizzes, and am enjoying most of my classes. In computer class, the awesome professor had emergency surgery and I'm feeling iffy about our substitute. Yoga class is doing my mind and body a lot of good. Math is just..going to take work. Voice is going very well. :) In Psychology, my professor has views that conflict with my personal beliefs, but she is none the less a great teacher and the material is fascinating.
I need to work more. Or at least pack lunch for school instead of always buying it.
On Sunday I'm heading up to PA for a going-away party...a life-long friend is heading to boot camp. :-/
This was a long week, filled with thoughts and friends and [school]work. Twas good all in all. :) I'm a bit behind on homework, so I hope to rest this evening and tomorrow, and catch up on reading and note-taking. I've passed my first two quizzes, and am enjoying most of my classes. In computer class, the awesome professor had emergency surgery and I'm feeling iffy about our substitute. Yoga class is doing my mind and body a lot of good. Math is just..going to take work. Voice is going very well. :) In Psychology, my professor has views that conflict with my personal beliefs, but she is none the less a great teacher and the material is fascinating.
I need to work more. Or at least pack lunch for school instead of always buying it.
On Sunday I'm heading up to PA for a going-away party...a life-long friend is heading to boot camp. :-/
If I could sum up what has been bothering me lately, I would say the transientness of life is something I highly dislike and often stubbornly refuse to accept. If I feel safe and content, I get my heart set on what is, to the point that I forget about what could come or be. Does anyone else feel that way?
"Life is made up of meetings and partings. People come into your life every day, you say good morning, you say good evening, some stay for a few minutes, some stay for a few months, some a year, others a whole lifetime. No matter who it is, you meet then you part. I’m so glad I met you...”
I have also always loved these lyrics:
"thoughts they change and times they rearrange I don't know who you are anymore
loves come and go and this I know I'm not who you recall anymore
but I must confess you're so much more then I remember
can't help but entertain these thoughts
thoughts of us together"
I'm done being contemplative. I wish you a wonderful weekend!
P.S. I just started listening to Sleeping At Last and am entranced. Check out "Porcelain." I read the lyrics after I posted this entry and found them slightly ironic.
September 11, 2009
"Nicest Thing"
This is from a song by Kate Nash.
"I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style
I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met
I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three
I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep."
I'm sorry to spam with song lyrics, but it's too perfect and I don't have time to express everything I want to at this moment. A original update coming soon.
"I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style
I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met
I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three
I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep."
I'm sorry to spam with song lyrics, but it's too perfect and I don't have time to express everything I want to at this moment. A original update coming soon.
September 4, 2009
First Week, Fall '09
I started my second year as a CCBC student this week. Monday morning was SO WEIRD- after working all summer on a dead campus, seeing people EVERYWHERE was...disconcerting?! lol. But no, I was really happy to see everything start up and go to class again.
On M/W/F I have Math class. This is my second try at this level course (Intermediate Algebra), and I must pass it. My teacher is GREAT; I love her personality and how she has arranged her teaching plan. I'm feeling good about this one. :-D
Mondays are the day for Barnstormers meetings. This is the campus theatre club, and I am president for my second semester. At our first meeting attendance was double what it was last semester, and people had lots of great ideas for activities and events. I've had a visit with our advisor, Carl, already and he is as full of support as ever. I must admit I'm dragging my feet a little on paperwork that needs to be done, but I will finish all that this weekend. Elections for secretary and treasurer happen at our next meeting and I'm excited for that.
Tuesdays are long- Hatha Yoga, Computer Information 101, Honors Psychology 101, and and Applied Voice (singing lessons) and then I work in the Honors Center for an hour til close. I'll comment about the individual classes as time goes one, but they are all great in their own way. Thursdays will be exactly the same, minus voice lesson plus an extra hour of work.
On Monday and Tuesday I was a part of the "First Week" volunteer staff, which means I walked around campus with a bright green t-shirt that says "STAFF" on the back, and guided students who had questions. I've run into some of my City On The Hill kids who will be students this semester, plus some of my dear I Hate Hamlet crew/cast. :)
On Wednesdays and Fridays I'll be working at AMF, but didn't this week. So I was at school all day long all five days, got in some extra work hours, caught up with friends, and tracked down some scholarship paperwork. It was a great week back!
On M/W/F I have Math class. This is my second try at this level course (Intermediate Algebra), and I must pass it. My teacher is GREAT; I love her personality and how she has arranged her teaching plan. I'm feeling good about this one. :-D
Mondays are the day for Barnstormers meetings. This is the campus theatre club, and I am president for my second semester. At our first meeting attendance was double what it was last semester, and people had lots of great ideas for activities and events. I've had a visit with our advisor, Carl, already and he is as full of support as ever. I must admit I'm dragging my feet a little on paperwork that needs to be done, but I will finish all that this weekend. Elections for secretary and treasurer happen at our next meeting and I'm excited for that.
Tuesdays are long- Hatha Yoga, Computer Information 101, Honors Psychology 101, and and Applied Voice (singing lessons) and then I work in the Honors Center for an hour til close. I'll comment about the individual classes as time goes one, but they are all great in their own way. Thursdays will be exactly the same, minus voice lesson plus an extra hour of work.
On Monday and Tuesday I was a part of the "First Week" volunteer staff, which means I walked around campus with a bright green t-shirt that says "STAFF" on the back, and guided students who had questions. I've run into some of my City On The Hill kids who will be students this semester, plus some of my dear I Hate Hamlet crew/cast. :)
On Wednesdays and Fridays I'll be working at AMF, but didn't this week. So I was at school all day long all five days, got in some extra work hours, caught up with friends, and tracked down some scholarship paperwork. It was a great week back!
Friday Night
So, I could have gone out. Instead, I was doing math homework and watching this.
I discovered I still have every word and lyric of the movie memorized. I also have rules of trinomials and factors memorized.
Judge as you see fit. ;)
I discovered I still have every word and lyric of the movie memorized. I also have rules of trinomials and factors memorized.
Judge as you see fit. ;)
September 3, 2009
September In Thumbtacks
I enjoyed my last cork board entry, and received some positive feedback on it. So, since it's like a nice little time capsule feature, I think I'll do it every month. You will find that some things stay up for months at time, and some items are a revolving door of tasks and reminders. Here is September on my wall (New items are in bold!)
1. The front of a greeting card I found in New Hampshire. It reads "Life Begins At The End Of Your Comfort Zone."
2. Audrey Hepburn calender- A shot from "Roman Holiday" this month. :)
3. List of driving instructors provided by my driving school (called one of them yesterday!)
4. A page from Glamour magazine featuring Hugh Dancy and model...it's a dashing photo! (I collect inspiring/glamorous magazine photos :)
5. A ticket from "I Hate Hamlet." I convinced myself the poster needed to finally come down, but didn't want to part with all reminder of my show. <3
6. Picture of Selene, "my" little Bolivian girl.
7. A handmade card from my best friend.
8. List of items to save for (bought school books and paid my phone bill. Taking the black dress in to be altered tomorrow :)
9. Title of a Sinatra album
10. A recent fortune from a Chinese cookie: Your life begins to be filled with adventure!
11. Name and email of an interesting guy I met at school....he works with the Youth Federation For World Peace and was encouraging me to check out his website and articles.
12. Ticket/wristband from Anberlin show.
I owe you all and myself an update about my first week of school....coming soon!
1. The front of a greeting card I found in New Hampshire. It reads "Life Begins At The End Of Your Comfort Zone."
2. Audrey Hepburn calender- A shot from "Roman Holiday" this month. :)
3. List of driving instructors provided by my driving school (called one of them yesterday!)
4. A page from Glamour magazine featuring Hugh Dancy and model...it's a dashing photo! (I collect inspiring/glamorous magazine photos :)
5. A ticket from "I Hate Hamlet." I convinced myself the poster needed to finally come down, but didn't want to part with all reminder of my show. <3
6. Picture of Selene, "my" little Bolivian girl.
7. A handmade card from my best friend.
8. List of items to save for (bought school books and paid my phone bill. Taking the black dress in to be altered tomorrow :)
9. Title of a Sinatra album
10. A recent fortune from a Chinese cookie: Your life begins to be filled with adventure!
11. Name and email of an interesting guy I met at school....he works with the Youth Federation For World Peace and was encouraging me to check out his website and articles.
12. Ticket/wristband from Anberlin show.
I owe you all and myself an update about my first week of school....coming soon!
August 30, 2009
It's so true!
I printed this out, showed it to my mom, and put it on the refrigerator. ;)
(Click image to read original size)
August 29, 2009
From Broadway
Some songs make me wish with deep intensity that I have a performance-worthy singing voice. The soundtrack to "The Last Five Years" is an example of this. The songs drip with romance, intensity, and reality. Up til now, I've heard only select tracks from the musical, but thanks to Anderson I can now listen to the whole thing! :-D The number "The Next Ten Minutes" makes me want to cry. :-X
As to my wish, I am taking voice lessons this fall, so we shall see where that leads me!
*Disclaimer* If you check out other numbers of the musical, just wanted to warn that a few of the songs contain some profanity.
As to my wish, I am taking voice lessons this fall, so we shall see where that leads me!
*Disclaimer* If you check out other numbers of the musical, just wanted to warn that a few of the songs contain some profanity.
August 28, 2009
Jumbled Friday
The last week of my summer is almost over! I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee and Playbill Radio
while thinking about the things I want to be doing and the things I should be doing. I'm quietly jubilant because I wrapped up Drivers Education classes this evening with a 100% on my final exam! My bedroom is a mess of clothes and papers and text books and I need to think about organizing a bag for Monday morning. I need to be on campus around 7:30am *ugh* (thankfully this is not my schedule for all of semester).
Today I was planning on heading up to UMBC to see a couple friends and help them move into their new dorms. Ended up shopping around Wal-mart with one of the friends for dorm supplies; still fun and good to see him. <3
Remember my 10+10+80 plan? Well, I'm already behind. I'm currently recovering from paychecks that had unpaid vacation weeks in them. :( Thankfully I'm not behind on bills, but I did have to borrow from my savings and am anxious to replenish it!
Thanks for sweet well wishes concerning my cold...I am pretty much better! I went this morning to the chiropractor to have my hip and back looked at, and am still a little sore. All the pain seems to be settled as low as possible into my tail bone. :( I think I will sit with some ice tonight!
Have a wonderful weekend, loves!
while thinking about the things I want to be doing and the things I should be doing. I'm quietly jubilant because I wrapped up Drivers Education classes this evening with a 100% on my final exam! My bedroom is a mess of clothes and papers and text books and I need to think about organizing a bag for Monday morning. I need to be on campus around 7:30am *ugh* (thankfully this is not my schedule for all of semester).
Today I was planning on heading up to UMBC to see a couple friends and help them move into their new dorms. Ended up shopping around Wal-mart with one of the friends for dorm supplies; still fun and good to see him. <3
Remember my 10+10+80 plan? Well, I'm already behind. I'm currently recovering from paychecks that had unpaid vacation weeks in them. :( Thankfully I'm not behind on bills, but I did have to borrow from my savings and am anxious to replenish it!
Thanks for sweet well wishes concerning my cold...I am pretty much better! I went this morning to the chiropractor to have my hip and back looked at, and am still a little sore. All the pain seems to be settled as low as possible into my tail bone. :( I think I will sit with some ice tonight!
Have a wonderful weekend, loves!
August 25, 2009
"Kiss Me and Smile For Me"
August 24, 2009
Pass The Tissues
Pictures that pretty well describe my current state:
I added cayenne pepper to the tea. Good for natural and speedy mucous killing! :)
I am at work, and didn't even bother wearing make-up today because watery eyes render it useless within ten minutes.
Speaking of tissues, has anyone seen or read "The Time Travelers Wife"? I have not read the book, and saw the movie last night. My date and I found it to be much more gut-wrenching than we expected! I didn't actually cry (I was already sniffling from my on-setting cold :p) but it was definitely a story in which I genuinely felt for the characters.
I added cayenne pepper to the tea. Good for natural and speedy mucous killing! :)
I am at work, and didn't even bother wearing make-up today because watery eyes render it useless within ten minutes.
Speaking of tissues, has anyone seen or read "The Time Travelers Wife"? I have not read the book, and saw the movie last night. My date and I found it to be much more gut-wrenching than we expected! I didn't actually cry (I was already sniffling from my on-setting cold :p) but it was definitely a story in which I genuinely felt for the characters.
August 19, 2009
Old Friends and New Connections
Hello to the friendly ladies that have dropped by my blog the past couple days! I think we all found each other through Oh,mishka; a lovely blog about lovely things. Check it out if you have not already!
The Blogs of Note feature is a really fun way to experience new blogging styles and meet interesting people. I feel a little daunted at making my blog as follow-worthy as those featured are, but for now I will keep writing for myself and not worry too much about it. :)
I've completed evening three of Drivers Education classes (there are ten over a two week period). I found out that one of my fellow students lived for years one street over from me, and we played with all the same people growing up! It's crazy. :) We rattled off name after name, our faces lighting up with mutual recognition. Moments like that are fun. Between coffeehouses, community college, church, and Facebook (:p), the world grows smaller and smaller in this town.
Working at school was nice today, but reminded me that summer is drawing to a close. In the fall three of my dearest friends are heading to the university around the corner. Life will feel different for us next semester, and maybe slightly lonely at first. I'm trying not to think of what is lost, but rather to treasure what is gained.
The Blogs of Note feature is a really fun way to experience new blogging styles and meet interesting people. I feel a little daunted at making my blog as follow-worthy as those featured are, but for now I will keep writing for myself and not worry too much about it. :)
I've completed evening three of Drivers Education classes (there are ten over a two week period). I found out that one of my fellow students lived for years one street over from me, and we played with all the same people growing up! It's crazy. :) We rattled off name after name, our faces lighting up with mutual recognition. Moments like that are fun. Between coffeehouses, community college, church, and Facebook (:p), the world grows smaller and smaller in this town.
Working at school was nice today, but reminded me that summer is drawing to a close. In the fall three of my dearest friends are heading to the university around the corner. Life will feel different for us next semester, and maybe slightly lonely at first. I'm trying not to think of what is lost, but rather to treasure what is gained.
August 17, 2009
A Week of Retreat
I have mixed feelings about my vacation being over. I treasure time with Patty, and the change of scenery was very nice. But nothing really went as planned, as far as seeing or doing things we had planned. We traveled on Saturday, rested on Sunday, shopped on Monday, and then on Tuesday Mom pulled her back out. Her ability to walk being severely limited, and not wanting to leave her alone much, we mostly stayed at the cabin for the rest of the week.
So I spent lots of time laying around in the sun or on the water (kayaking around the pond or swimming out to the floating dock), reading, goofing around with Josh, taking pictures, and watching movies on TCM. We don't have cable at my house so I enjoy when I get some time to watch the oldies! I discovered "The Greatest Show On Earth" with Charlton Heston. It's directed by Cecil B. DeMille (same as "The Ten Commandments") so it's a great spectacle movie.
I also went hiking (once) with Patty and Josh. I appreciate the beauty of the outdoors, but I'm not a big fan of hiking. Go figure. We went to the beach on New Castle Island, which is on the coast of New Hampshire. Went shopping in Freeport, Maine for the second time. It has lots of brand name outlets, and I clothes shopped with Josh. That was a nice time of bonding for us, which we badly needed. Tensions at home have driven us apart in the past months, and I think that a week with no alternative but to hang out with each other reminded us both how much we appreciate each other.
The weather was chilly and the pond was beautiful in all its moods. I was up early one morning to keep Josh company while he fished, and we watched a gorgeous thunderstorm roll in. The thunder echoed around us as the sound bounced off the water. The rain got so thick we couldn't see across the water to the forest beyond. We stood on the deck sheltered by tree branches as long as we could, enjoying the wind and rain and lightning. Other days were sunny, and the fluffy clouds and blue sky reflected on the pond's surface. Some afternoons the breeze was strong and made little waves that would lightly toss the kayak to and fro. Other times the water was glassy and still. My paddles would slice gracefully through and leave ripples in their wake. The evenings that we had no clouds, stars reflected on the water and the trees that closet the shoreline were dark and haunting.
I had LOTS of time to think. The first couple days, especially at night, it was a lonely feeling to be separated from all the things I usually use to distract me- my friends, the Internet, work, texting :p (due to lack of service). After I got used to it, I journaled and allowed myself to think back on this year. I've been hurt and loved and victorious and humbled and changed, and in my day to day life I think I fight to ignore what I should be acknowledging.
The shopping- I got a long sleeve tee at The Gap in Freeport that is super cute and soft. Also bought a shirt in Ralph Lauren (because I'm secretly a label snob at heart :p). Both are tops are striped. Outlet shopping is so fun and guilt-free! I tried on the most adorable winter trench coat in Banana Republic, but couldn't justify buying it. At an art gallery in Portsmouth I bought a small red vase, and an antique shop in Northwood I bought another vase, a little Wedgewood piece. In the same shop they had oodles of post cards from all 50 states that I wanted to spend all day looking at. But I skipped to the Maryland ones and picked out two, a view of the harbor skyline and the other a painting of Johns Hopkins. Both are from the early 1900's.
Mom recovered somewhat after a trip to a chiropractor and an urgent care doctor. After muscle relaxers, Advil, and lots of rest she was walking by the time we needed to travel. I felt badly she missed out on her vacation, but enjoyed the time we got to talk, eat dinner, and watch movies together. Another less then desirable aspect of the trip came when we drove home. Josh mysteriously got very sick to his stomach and progressively worse as we got closer to Baltimore, and we spent some time on the side of the road in Pennsylvania taking care of that. :(
We're finally here, for better or worse. I'm back at work, Drivers Ed classes start tonight, and school starts in two weeks!
So I spent lots of time laying around in the sun or on the water (kayaking around the pond or swimming out to the floating dock), reading, goofing around with Josh, taking pictures, and watching movies on TCM. We don't have cable at my house so I enjoy when I get some time to watch the oldies! I discovered "The Greatest Show On Earth" with Charlton Heston. It's directed by Cecil B. DeMille (same as "The Ten Commandments") so it's a great spectacle movie.
I also went hiking (once) with Patty and Josh. I appreciate the beauty of the outdoors, but I'm not a big fan of hiking. Go figure. We went to the beach on New Castle Island, which is on the coast of New Hampshire. Went shopping in Freeport, Maine for the second time. It has lots of brand name outlets, and I clothes shopped with Josh. That was a nice time of bonding for us, which we badly needed. Tensions at home have driven us apart in the past months, and I think that a week with no alternative but to hang out with each other reminded us both how much we appreciate each other.
The weather was chilly and the pond was beautiful in all its moods. I was up early one morning to keep Josh company while he fished, and we watched a gorgeous thunderstorm roll in. The thunder echoed around us as the sound bounced off the water. The rain got so thick we couldn't see across the water to the forest beyond. We stood on the deck sheltered by tree branches as long as we could, enjoying the wind and rain and lightning. Other days were sunny, and the fluffy clouds and blue sky reflected on the pond's surface. Some afternoons the breeze was strong and made little waves that would lightly toss the kayak to and fro. Other times the water was glassy and still. My paddles would slice gracefully through and leave ripples in their wake. The evenings that we had no clouds, stars reflected on the water and the trees that closet the shoreline were dark and haunting.
I had LOTS of time to think. The first couple days, especially at night, it was a lonely feeling to be separated from all the things I usually use to distract me- my friends, the Internet, work, texting :p (due to lack of service). After I got used to it, I journaled and allowed myself to think back on this year. I've been hurt and loved and victorious and humbled and changed, and in my day to day life I think I fight to ignore what I should be acknowledging.
The shopping- I got a long sleeve tee at The Gap in Freeport that is super cute and soft. Also bought a shirt in Ralph Lauren (because I'm secretly a label snob at heart :p). Both are tops are striped. Outlet shopping is so fun and guilt-free! I tried on the most adorable winter trench coat in Banana Republic, but couldn't justify buying it. At an art gallery in Portsmouth I bought a small red vase, and an antique shop in Northwood I bought another vase, a little Wedgewood piece. In the same shop they had oodles of post cards from all 50 states that I wanted to spend all day looking at. But I skipped to the Maryland ones and picked out two, a view of the harbor skyline and the other a painting of Johns Hopkins. Both are from the early 1900's.
Mom recovered somewhat after a trip to a chiropractor and an urgent care doctor. After muscle relaxers, Advil, and lots of rest she was walking by the time we needed to travel. I felt badly she missed out on her vacation, but enjoyed the time we got to talk, eat dinner, and watch movies together. Another less then desirable aspect of the trip came when we drove home. Josh mysteriously got very sick to his stomach and progressively worse as we got closer to Baltimore, and we spent some time on the side of the road in Pennsylvania taking care of that. :(
We're finally here, for better or worse. I'm back at work, Drivers Ed classes start tonight, and school starts in two weeks!
August 7, 2009
Counting Down The Hours
This time tomorrow we'll be on our way to New England! (Northwood, New Hampshire to be more specific.) I am looking forward to being in what I consider heaven on earth...nature, quiet, starlight at night, kayaking, ocean, lighthouses, country stores, old homey buildings..and seeing Aunt Patty. :)
I haven't really started to pack, so I suppose I must get to that. I'm not feeling well today and am worried about being sick over vacation. Also, the long range forecast is calling for lots of thunderstorms...here's wishing for the best!
Be back next Saturday!
P.S. I got my learners permit yesterday! Woo hoo!! I start drivers ed the week I get back, and I'll be eligible to take the driving test in January. I'm so excited to be finally be accomplishing this!
I haven't really started to pack, so I suppose I must get to that. I'm not feeling well today and am worried about being sick over vacation. Also, the long range forecast is calling for lots of thunderstorms...here's wishing for the best!
Be back next Saturday!
P.S. I got my learners permit yesterday! Woo hoo!! I start drivers ed the week I get back, and I'll be eligible to take the driving test in January. I'm so excited to be finally be accomplishing this!
August 5, 2009
Tacked Up For The World To See
I think the corkboard in my room in its present state is a good "snapshot" of my current life...
1. Ticket and wristband from Anberlin concert at Sonar
2. Audrey Hepburn calender (new fabulousness every month!)
3. Ad from Avon to donate toiletry kits to soldiers (great idea!)
4. Sticky note with a degree name from University Of Baltimore written on it- "Community Studies and Civic Engagement" (I'm currently researching and considering pursuing it!)
5. A notecard from my best friend. Recently I was going to adopt a kitten, but it didn't work out. So she made me a sweet little card with a picture of a kitten on it. :)
6. Recent photo of Selene, the little girl in Boliva that I sponsor through Compassion International.
7. Program art and ticket from "I Hate Hamlet", the student production I directed/acted in.
8. A list of things I'm saving for. It includes: trip to Indiana for my cousin's wedding, school books, and getting a black dress I found in a thrift store altered.
9. Scrap of paper with "Sinatra and Friends, Reprise Records" written on it. Got that in a vinyl shop in Fells Point when I asked about the Frank Sinatra cover of "Leavin' On A Jet Plane."
Awhile back I started covering my corkboard in wrapping paper. Over the years I'd put glitter and stickers all over it, written on it, and torn it all up. It's good to make old things look new again!
July
As has become my custom this summer due to lack of regular blogging, I will recap the last month...
The 4th of July is probably my favourite holiday (competing with Christmas) and this year it was very nice. I mostly spent the day with Shannon, Jeremy, and John, and went to the Arbutus parade (watched that by myself, which was actually nice), out to lunch, stopped by a cast mate's birthday party, and watched fireworks.
I worked a lot in July...this summer has been the first time that I regularly worked five days a week. I feel like I don't have much savings to show for it, probably because I buy clothes and eat out too much. ;) However, I've been able to pay all my bills on time and pay for drivers ed, along with a few school expenses. I was blessed to have my fall tuition paid almost completely by financial aid.
The middle of the month was City On The Hill, the leadership/political camp that AMF puts on for high schoolers. I served as student support and speaker coordinator, along with orchestrating details of daily tasks and the student application process. The week was incredibly challenging, both personally for me and as for the staff as a whole. Working one on one with students and leading groups of kids was incredibly affirming to me, both as a person and in my relationship with God. One big lesson was that I can always use my weaknesses and mistakes to encourage others. If I was not out learning life, and failing and succeeding, I would have nothing with which to minister to others. I was blessed to again spend time with the Stieglers, who have a 40-year marriage and a testimony that blesses all who hear it. Listening to them share one evening of their dating relationship and life together brought me to tears, and reminded me of the type of relationship I long to have with someone one day.
Right after City I spent a week housesitting with Shannon. I worked during the day and enjoyed lazyness in the evening of just cooking, watching TV, and hanging out. Late in the month a couple friends from Pennsylvania came down to visit me, and we spent an awesome Saturday roaming Fells Point and Harborplace.
July was an incredibly busy and fullfilling month, and August isn't shaping up to be any less!
The 4th of July is probably my favourite holiday (competing with Christmas) and this year it was very nice. I mostly spent the day with Shannon, Jeremy, and John, and went to the Arbutus parade (watched that by myself, which was actually nice), out to lunch, stopped by a cast mate's birthday party, and watched fireworks.
I worked a lot in July...this summer has been the first time that I regularly worked five days a week. I feel like I don't have much savings to show for it, probably because I buy clothes and eat out too much. ;) However, I've been able to pay all my bills on time and pay for drivers ed, along with a few school expenses. I was blessed to have my fall tuition paid almost completely by financial aid.
The middle of the month was City On The Hill, the leadership/political camp that AMF puts on for high schoolers. I served as student support and speaker coordinator, along with orchestrating details of daily tasks and the student application process. The week was incredibly challenging, both personally for me and as for the staff as a whole. Working one on one with students and leading groups of kids was incredibly affirming to me, both as a person and in my relationship with God. One big lesson was that I can always use my weaknesses and mistakes to encourage others. If I was not out learning life, and failing and succeeding, I would have nothing with which to minister to others. I was blessed to again spend time with the Stieglers, who have a 40-year marriage and a testimony that blesses all who hear it. Listening to them share one evening of their dating relationship and life together brought me to tears, and reminded me of the type of relationship I long to have with someone one day.
Right after City I spent a week housesitting with Shannon. I worked during the day and enjoyed lazyness in the evening of just cooking, watching TV, and hanging out. Late in the month a couple friends from Pennsylvania came down to visit me, and we spent an awesome Saturday roaming Fells Point and Harborplace.
July was an incredibly busy and fullfilling month, and August isn't shaping up to be any less!
August 4, 2009
10+10+80=?
I'm starting the 10, 10, 80 plan with my paychecks. Probably you've heard of it before, but it's something I was impressed with when a speaker at City On The Hill talked about it. Pastor Paul Schindler from Living Hope Church spoke about stewardship, and encouraged us to tithe 10 percent of our money, save 10 percent, and use the remaining 80 percent for expenses. A fellow staffer says it really works for her, and I want to have a consistent system of managing my money. I'm looking forward to seeing how this one works out.
Since a couple homemakers read my blog, I'd be curious to hear your opinions or advice about money managing!
Since a couple homemakers read my blog, I'd be curious to hear your opinions or advice about money managing!
August 3, 2009
Ten Minutes Worth of Blog-Worthyness!
I'm on campus working today. It's a really gorgeous sunny day, I'm feeling happy, and I'm wearing a new dress that is so comfy and pretty I want to wear it all the time. :) I ate lunch outside with a good friend, and then went to visit the Student Life Building to make sure that Barnstormers will have an office this semester (we will). Then, still on my lunch break I made a stop over at registration building to take care of some things. I was all done and decided I must have candy, and at the vending machine is where my day got a little extra nice...
Two little boys were playing with the buttons on the vending machine, and commenting about how they didn't have enough change for the candy bar they wanted. The older of the two pulled his brother aside and said "let her go next" (referring to me). I was wishing that I had enough change to give to them, and thought about buying them something with what I had left. As the candy I had bought for myself came out of the machine, TWO candy bars came out instead of one! The boys were watching me and said "Oh wow, she got two!" I asked them, "Would you like one of them?" and the older boy said "Sure! and I'll share it with my brother!" :-D I loved it. The candy was an extra big Kit Kat bar, so I'm sure they enjoyed it. As I walked away, I heard the boy exclaim to his mom (who was a few feet away talking to someone) "Mom! That girl got two candy bars and she gave one to me!"
I'm not sharing this to brag, but rather because I felt so tickled that two candy bars came out instead of one so that I could share them. I love when God gives us little blessings like that! To top off the moment, when I left the building I saw one of my City students waiting at the registration office! :-D We were really happy to see each other, and she is coming to work to visit me later.
It's been a really good day filled with really simple, good moments. And it's not over yet!
Two little boys were playing with the buttons on the vending machine, and commenting about how they didn't have enough change for the candy bar they wanted. The older of the two pulled his brother aside and said "let her go next" (referring to me). I was wishing that I had enough change to give to them, and thought about buying them something with what I had left. As the candy I had bought for myself came out of the machine, TWO candy bars came out instead of one! The boys were watching me and said "Oh wow, she got two!" I asked them, "Would you like one of them?" and the older boy said "Sure! and I'll share it with my brother!" :-D I loved it. The candy was an extra big Kit Kat bar, so I'm sure they enjoyed it. As I walked away, I heard the boy exclaim to his mom (who was a few feet away talking to someone) "Mom! That girl got two candy bars and she gave one to me!"
I'm not sharing this to brag, but rather because I felt so tickled that two candy bars came out instead of one so that I could share them. I love when God gives us little blessings like that! To top off the moment, when I left the building I saw one of my City students waiting at the registration office! :-D We were really happy to see each other, and she is coming to work to visit me later.
It's been a really good day filled with really simple, good moments. And it's not over yet!
August 2, 2009
Relationships aren't easy (or are they?)
Feedback wanted on a thought from church today: "Stop having a relationship with Jesus."
It is important to have more than just a relationship with Jesus? Do we instead need to understand "abiding" in Jesus?
I heard it put this way: Many different levels of human interaction can be called a "relationship." You have a relationship with someone you golf or shop or jog with, and you have a relationship with the person you're married too. The levels of closeness differ, but it's all relationship.
"Abiding" however, is what Jesus talked about in John 15. Or like a baby in the womb, who does not just have a relationship with his mother, but cannot exist with her. That baby literally abides within its mother.
It's easy to have a relationship with Jesus- if it means visiting church, praying when I'm sad, singing songs, etc. Abiding is hard, and definitely something I'm struggling with. As the pastor put it this morning, it's possible to live without Jesus if all we want is a relationship.
But what would my life look like if I were abiding in Him?
It is important to have more than just a relationship with Jesus? Do we instead need to understand "abiding" in Jesus?
I heard it put this way: Many different levels of human interaction can be called a "relationship." You have a relationship with someone you golf or shop or jog with, and you have a relationship with the person you're married too. The levels of closeness differ, but it's all relationship.
"Abiding" however, is what Jesus talked about in John 15. Or like a baby in the womb, who does not just have a relationship with his mother, but cannot exist with her. That baby literally abides within its mother.
It's easy to have a relationship with Jesus- if it means visiting church, praying when I'm sad, singing songs, etc. Abiding is hard, and definitely something I'm struggling with. As the pastor put it this morning, it's possible to live without Jesus if all we want is a relationship.
But what would my life look like if I were abiding in Him?
July 31, 2009
I'm Checking In, and Trying To Stay.
What is more perfect than a summer evening under the stars, next a bonfire, with dulcimer music and good friends? Not much. :)
I'm enjoying my summer, but looking forward to being back in class!
I'm reading the book of Isaiah. It's meeting me right where I'm at.
I miss blogging and going to try my best to start again.
I'm enjoying my summer, but looking forward to being back in class!
I'm reading the book of Isaiah. It's meeting me right where I'm at.
I miss blogging and going to try my best to start again.
June 24, 2009
June
My summer is finally falling into a pattern...characterized mostly by work! It feels good to be earning a steady paycheck[s]. Work at school is really quiet...sitting in the Honors center we play scrabble, talk, and surf Facebook. :p Marcia gives me a lot of freedom to leave and take care of whatever I need to on campus. To make up extra hours I sometimes work in the English office, which is a little busier and more interesting. The administrator there is very sweet and organized and treats all her aides wonderfully (just like Marcia :). So while it's a bummer being inside so much, at least it's quiet and pleasant.
"I Hate Hamlet" went really well. Opening night blew me away...we all pulled it together and offered something I was truly proud of. :) Six months of work paid off I suppose...I'm definitely not in a hurry to do it again. :p The setbacks, the long evenings, the drama (off stage :p), the work of memorization and planning...it's all so incredibly taxing and culminated (for me) in a experience I will definitely treasure. I'm very grateful the understudies had the chance to put on their own show on Thursday evening. So I got to play Deirdre, the girlfriend of the lead character. My family, Shannon, Jeremy, the Murrays, and Ryan came to see me. I felt so good about my performance, and being up there was an incredible rush! :) Now I know what it takes to do a full-scale production I am still very much interested in theatre, but have a better appreciate for the type of sacrifice it takes. I have so much to learn and want to keep studying it as much as I can, as a hobby if nothing else.
On Sunday night Shannon, Jeremy, and I went downtown to Sonar to see Anberlin, their first time and my second. The sound quality was awful, and feeling like a sardine for two hours isn't exactly marvelous, but once Stephen and the rest of the band came onstage it made it all worth it. :) Seeing them live is incredibly exciting to me, despite the fact everything was so distorted Shannon and I couldn't always pick out which song they were playing. We didn't stay for the headliner (Taking Back Sunday) instead left to get Chinese and drove around Catonsville for awhile. Our ears were ringing (my still were yesterday) and we had a great concert high. :) While we were driving in a neighbohood near school we saw a deer (a big buck actually) and Jeremy made Shannon drive up and around the same two streets a few times so we could get a better look at it, hahaa.
Having the evenings to myself feels oddly nice but also a little lonely. I'm working on organizing so much in my life...my thoughts, my possessions, my plans...before I didn't have time for simple things like doing my laundry or balancing my checkbook! I badly need to save money for several expenses I have coming up, so I'm grateful to be out of the house and working so much. Also, I've been going to small group again, and plan to get back into church activities.
I would like to run away to the beach for a day or two. <3
"I Hate Hamlet" went really well. Opening night blew me away...we all pulled it together and offered something I was truly proud of. :) Six months of work paid off I suppose...I'm definitely not in a hurry to do it again. :p The setbacks, the long evenings, the drama (off stage :p), the work of memorization and planning...it's all so incredibly taxing and culminated (for me) in a experience I will definitely treasure. I'm very grateful the understudies had the chance to put on their own show on Thursday evening. So I got to play Deirdre, the girlfriend of the lead character. My family, Shannon, Jeremy, the Murrays, and Ryan came to see me. I felt so good about my performance, and being up there was an incredible rush! :) Now I know what it takes to do a full-scale production I am still very much interested in theatre, but have a better appreciate for the type of sacrifice it takes. I have so much to learn and want to keep studying it as much as I can, as a hobby if nothing else.
On Sunday night Shannon, Jeremy, and I went downtown to Sonar to see Anberlin, their first time and my second. The sound quality was awful, and feeling like a sardine for two hours isn't exactly marvelous, but once Stephen and the rest of the band came onstage it made it all worth it. :) Seeing them live is incredibly exciting to me, despite the fact everything was so distorted Shannon and I couldn't always pick out which song they were playing. We didn't stay for the headliner (Taking Back Sunday) instead left to get Chinese and drove around Catonsville for awhile. Our ears were ringing (my still were yesterday) and we had a great concert high. :) While we were driving in a neighbohood near school we saw a deer (a big buck actually) and Jeremy made Shannon drive up and around the same two streets a few times so we could get a better look at it, hahaa.
Having the evenings to myself feels oddly nice but also a little lonely. I'm working on organizing so much in my life...my thoughts, my possessions, my plans...before I didn't have time for simple things like doing my laundry or balancing my checkbook! I badly need to save money for several expenses I have coming up, so I'm grateful to be out of the house and working so much. Also, I've been going to small group again, and plan to get back into church activities.
I would like to run away to the beach for a day or two. <3
May 27, 2009
May
School is finally over, and I'm lost in a sea of work. Working as a student aide at school (I was awarded the position as part of my financial aid) and pulling together everything that needs to happen before June 10 (opening night of I Hate Hamlet). Plus I'm putting hours in at AMF again, and getting some City on the Hill projects taken care of it.
The aide job is in the Honors Center and it isn't difficult. It's work that I'm used to, such as data entry and stuffing envelopes. Other than that I surf on the computer and talk to my boss, Marcia, and the students that drop in.
We are two weeks from opening night, and I'm scared. There is SO much to be done; both cast and crew are behind on their respective responsibilities. I work well under pressure however, and I hope the others do as well and we pull this off with something to be proud of. I am also now an understudy (can't remember if I mentioned that before) and I'm very grateful and excited for my chance to learn and perform. I'm feeling better about it now that I know my lines...
The major events of this month were getting my job, working on the play, completing finals (grades haven't been released yet) and going to the SGA awards banquet. At the banquet I was shocked and happy to be given a $500 returning scholarship, and an award for "Emerging Student Leader." Having the money means that I will be paying for classses next semester without my parent's funds...a relief to myself and them! The leader award was nice, especially after the work I've poured into Barnstormers this spring. At our last meeting of the semester I was re-elected president, and have lots of plans for fall semester. I'm not going to think to hard about those until after the play however.
Physically and mentally, I'm very tired; yet I'm in a good place. I'm surrounded by opportunity, love and challenge. I'm grateful for the people God has put in my life, and the lessons we are teaching each other. I've had several opportunities to share my faith this semester, and been taught some other viewpoints and lessons in return. Also, I'm learning new lessons about who I am as an adult, and balancing that with still living at home. My parents and I have had some good talks about that recently.
To you people who have been at the beach recently- I am so jealous!! I want a vacation! or just a fun day away from everything...
<3
The aide job is in the Honors Center and it isn't difficult. It's work that I'm used to, such as data entry and stuffing envelopes. Other than that I surf on the computer and talk to my boss, Marcia, and the students that drop in.
We are two weeks from opening night, and I'm scared. There is SO much to be done; both cast and crew are behind on their respective responsibilities. I work well under pressure however, and I hope the others do as well and we pull this off with something to be proud of. I am also now an understudy (can't remember if I mentioned that before) and I'm very grateful and excited for my chance to learn and perform. I'm feeling better about it now that I know my lines...
The major events of this month were getting my job, working on the play, completing finals (grades haven't been released yet) and going to the SGA awards banquet. At the banquet I was shocked and happy to be given a $500 returning scholarship, and an award for "Emerging Student Leader." Having the money means that I will be paying for classses next semester without my parent's funds...a relief to myself and them! The leader award was nice, especially after the work I've poured into Barnstormers this spring. At our last meeting of the semester I was re-elected president, and have lots of plans for fall semester. I'm not going to think to hard about those until after the play however.
Physically and mentally, I'm very tired; yet I'm in a good place. I'm surrounded by opportunity, love and challenge. I'm grateful for the people God has put in my life, and the lessons we are teaching each other. I've had several opportunities to share my faith this semester, and been taught some other viewpoints and lessons in return. Also, I'm learning new lessons about who I am as an adult, and balancing that with still living at home. My parents and I have had some good talks about that recently.
To you people who have been at the beach recently- I am so jealous!! I want a vacation! or just a fun day away from everything...
<3
April 25, 2009
a week-long blur
This past week was incredibly busy. I think I got a lot done, but it all ran together. I've been pouring a lot of time into the play and the club, and both have been bringing A LOT of stress. One of the things I hate most is the feeling of not being able to count on someone, and I've been experiencing a lot of that lately. To balance it however, I've been growing closer to other people who make me laugh and encourage me and are making this time in my life a memorable one.
I visited the doctor again, and found that I have an infection in my leg. Frustrating, but a relief to find out and be taking something to heal it. It's the source of the eczema I've been dealing with. Also my liver and immune system is really weak right now, and my doctor is working on strengthening so that things like the infection won't happen again. My health has been a serious source of distraction and stress lately. I think it's been a few weeks now since I slept all the way through the night, because the pain or itching in my foot and leg keeps me awake.
My classes are stressing me. Last semester I was the student who never missed a deadline or a class and got mad at a low grade. I'm slowly accepting that I'm in college now with lots of demands in my life, and accepting that things can't be perfect all the time. Something's just got to give, and unfortunately this week it was my school work. I skipped a math class where I was supposed to have a quiz because I knew I would flunk it anyway. I didn't do a small project for acting class, and was an hour late to that class on Wednesday. I had an English paper due on Thursday, and made the decision to turn it in late next week because I knew if I wrote it in a rush it would be crap. This is so uncharacteristic of me. One week won't make a difference, but I'm in the Honors program and my parents paid for my classes this semester, so I can't afford to continue slacking off. One positive note, I finally got approval for work study, which means I can get an on-campus job. That will be so convenient for me! The hourly pay is less than what I'm used to, but the hours would equal more than what I get now due to my schedule. I'm visiting the career center on Monday to hopefully find a department and position.
I'm living in a blur. I'm confused and sad and excited and happy and empty and full. My brain hurts from thinking and my heart hurts from feeling. It's a good kind of hurt though- the kind that tells me I'm alive and living.
I'm sorry I'm not myself. Actually, I'm not sorry. if I was "myself" all the time it would probably mean I wasn't growing. I realized recently the reason why I've had so much trouble accepting myself and my life. I had the unconscious expectation that I would go on living as exactly the same person and slowly become a better, more mature, accomplished version of myself. Turns out it doesn't work like that. We can't stay the same. We learn, grow, adapt, and change. As long as the person I'm becoming knows how to love and to live an honorable life, I think I'll be ok.
I visited the doctor again, and found that I have an infection in my leg. Frustrating, but a relief to find out and be taking something to heal it. It's the source of the eczema I've been dealing with. Also my liver and immune system is really weak right now, and my doctor is working on strengthening so that things like the infection won't happen again. My health has been a serious source of distraction and stress lately. I think it's been a few weeks now since I slept all the way through the night, because the pain or itching in my foot and leg keeps me awake.
My classes are stressing me. Last semester I was the student who never missed a deadline or a class and got mad at a low grade. I'm slowly accepting that I'm in college now with lots of demands in my life, and accepting that things can't be perfect all the time. Something's just got to give, and unfortunately this week it was my school work. I skipped a math class where I was supposed to have a quiz because I knew I would flunk it anyway. I didn't do a small project for acting class, and was an hour late to that class on Wednesday. I had an English paper due on Thursday, and made the decision to turn it in late next week because I knew if I wrote it in a rush it would be crap. This is so uncharacteristic of me. One week won't make a difference, but I'm in the Honors program and my parents paid for my classes this semester, so I can't afford to continue slacking off. One positive note, I finally got approval for work study, which means I can get an on-campus job. That will be so convenient for me! The hourly pay is less than what I'm used to, but the hours would equal more than what I get now due to my schedule. I'm visiting the career center on Monday to hopefully find a department and position.
I'm living in a blur. I'm confused and sad and excited and happy and empty and full. My brain hurts from thinking and my heart hurts from feeling. It's a good kind of hurt though- the kind that tells me I'm alive and living.
I'm sorry I'm not myself. Actually, I'm not sorry. if I was "myself" all the time it would probably mean I wasn't growing. I realized recently the reason why I've had so much trouble accepting myself and my life. I had the unconscious expectation that I would go on living as exactly the same person and slowly become a better, more mature, accomplished version of myself. Turns out it doesn't work like that. We can't stay the same. We learn, grow, adapt, and change. As long as the person I'm becoming knows how to love and to live an honorable life, I think I'll be ok.
April 17, 2009
Questions & Lyrics
I've been struggling with a thought/question lately, and yesterday one of my favourite songs further spurred my musings...
In "Fix You" by Coldplay there are these lines:
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
The bolded part makes me ask, does love go "to waste"? How could it be wasted that you loved something you lost? We all lose everything in this life eventually...so should we regret that we poured ourselves into something lost? If that were so, we can't love or even live at all.
But my burning and original question is this: If you feel that you no longer love someone, does that mean you never really loved them at all? Was that "love" just wasted time, effort, and emotion on both sides?
I'm confused. But whatever the answer is, everything I ever gave myself to has made who I am as a person, and I wouldn't change any of it.
In "Fix You" by Coldplay there are these lines:
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
The bolded part makes me ask, does love go "to waste"? How could it be wasted that you loved something you lost? We all lose everything in this life eventually...so should we regret that we poured ourselves into something lost? If that were so, we can't love or even live at all.
But my burning and original question is this: If you feel that you no longer love someone, does that mean you never really loved them at all? Was that "love" just wasted time, effort, and emotion on both sides?
I'm confused. But whatever the answer is, everything I ever gave myself to has made who I am as a person, and I wouldn't change any of it.
April 10, 2009
Spring Break recap!
It's not over yet so I can't recap it yet, but I can summarize thus far....
Friday-City on the Hill staff meeting. Less than four months until the conference and so much to do! With my free time this week I've been at the office a little more- thankful for the hours and for getting the ball rolling on some promotional work.
Saturday- Got my hair cut, then hit the mall with Amanda (friend from acting class/the play) and engaged in some girly shopping therapy. ;)
Sunday- John and I enjoyed the gorgeous weather by driving around and walking in the state park. Even though the park is still really close to everything, it reminded me of how theraputic it is to be away from stores and streets and soak up sun and nature. I definitely need more of that.
Monday- worked and chilled at home i think..
Tuesday- DYED MY HAIR! *See pictures* Shannon and I picked out the color and then we dyed it outside...it was a bit of a chilly day *understatement* so that was an interesting process. I washed and dried it, freaked out for a second, let her style it, and then loved it! :) That evening Anderson, John, and I went to Columbia mall; I love that mall! Those two are the first men I've enjoyed clothes shopping with, haha. We took pictures and were our general crazy selves. :)
Wednesday- slept in and laid around..yay
Thursday- worked, then up to PA for doctor appt, dinner, and visiting the Murrays. Good stuff. The doctor visit was pretty positive. I have made so much progress since he started treating me a year ago..my appetite and energy and other issues are like a different person. The only frustrating thing is, I am really having trouble with eczema right now. With the warmer weather/skirt wearing time here, I'm hoping it heals up soon! :-/
Friday- slept in again and then went to work. This evening I've been tackling some chores and staring at the to-do list I made for myself last weekend....I have until Tuesday to finish...
:-* Happy Easter!
Friday-City on the Hill staff meeting. Less than four months until the conference and so much to do! With my free time this week I've been at the office a little more- thankful for the hours and for getting the ball rolling on some promotional work.
Saturday- Got my hair cut, then hit the mall with Amanda (friend from acting class/the play) and engaged in some girly shopping therapy. ;)
Sunday- John and I enjoyed the gorgeous weather by driving around and walking in the state park. Even though the park is still really close to everything, it reminded me of how theraputic it is to be away from stores and streets and soak up sun and nature. I definitely need more of that.
Monday- worked and chilled at home i think..
Tuesday- DYED MY HAIR! *See pictures* Shannon and I picked out the color and then we dyed it outside...it was a bit of a chilly day *understatement* so that was an interesting process. I washed and dried it, freaked out for a second, let her style it, and then loved it! :) That evening Anderson, John, and I went to Columbia mall; I love that mall! Those two are the first men I've enjoyed clothes shopping with, haha. We took pictures and were our general crazy selves. :)
Wednesday- slept in and laid around..yay
Thursday- worked, then up to PA for doctor appt, dinner, and visiting the Murrays. Good stuff. The doctor visit was pretty positive. I have made so much progress since he started treating me a year ago..my appetite and energy and other issues are like a different person. The only frustrating thing is, I am really having trouble with eczema right now. With the warmer weather/skirt wearing time here, I'm hoping it heals up soon! :-/
Friday- slept in again and then went to work. This evening I've been tackling some chores and staring at the to-do list I made for myself last weekend....I have until Tuesday to finish...
:-* Happy Easter!
April 4, 2009
Reasons to Smile
~Spring break is here!
~I got a hair cut.
~I got some pretty things at the mall today.
~I'm almost over my cold/losing my voice. I coughed up the weirdest ball of yellow and brown goop earlier!
-This has been a nice weekend so far, making up for a very rough week. *crosses fingers for good tomorrow*
lol, that's all I've got for now. Enjoy the lovely weekend!
~I got a hair cut.
~I got some pretty things at the mall today.
~I'm almost over my cold/losing my voice. I coughed up the weirdest ball of yellow and brown goop earlier!
-This has been a nice weekend so far, making up for a very rough week. *crosses fingers for good tomorrow*
lol, that's all I've got for now. Enjoy the lovely weekend!
March 31, 2009
quiet afternoon *cough cough*
I'm not usually home from school this early. I usually hang out, go to meetings, study, and wait around for Shannon to take me home. Today, however, I was supposed to have an appointment with my doctor in PA...but the beltway was so backed up so we knew were wouldn't get there in time, so we came home.
I'm sick with some sort of cold/congestion/crap thing (not what I was originally going to the doctor for)...my chest hurts terribly and I'm coughing, and it's a dry cough and it's really painful. But it's getting really bad so hopefully the worst is almost over. I'm drinking some tea with cayenne pepper in it...I can feel all the germs dying as it washes down my throat, lol.
I'm tired, but I really don't want to waste the lovely weather. I was thinking about laying outside for a bit and then taking a nap. I skipped math class this morning because I knew I'd be tired and behind anyway, so I'll try to motivate myself to do some homework problems and figure out where I should be on that..
Speaking of school work, I got two papers back in English class today, and they were both A's!! One of them was a re-write of a paper that was originally a C, and the other was the paper I wrote in one night! That's pretty much fantastic, if I do say so myself. :-D
Mk, well I hope you enjoyed your unexpected midweek dose of Debbie. Stay healthy, kiddos!
I'm sick with some sort of cold/congestion/crap thing (not what I was originally going to the doctor for)...my chest hurts terribly and I'm coughing, and it's a dry cough and it's really painful. But it's getting really bad so hopefully the worst is almost over. I'm drinking some tea with cayenne pepper in it...I can feel all the germs dying as it washes down my throat, lol.
I'm tired, but I really don't want to waste the lovely weather. I was thinking about laying outside for a bit and then taking a nap. I skipped math class this morning because I knew I'd be tired and behind anyway, so I'll try to motivate myself to do some homework problems and figure out where I should be on that..
Speaking of school work, I got two papers back in English class today, and they were both A's!! One of them was a re-write of a paper that was originally a C, and the other was the paper I wrote in one night! That's pretty much fantastic, if I do say so myself. :-D
Mk, well I hope you enjoyed your unexpected midweek dose of Debbie. Stay healthy, kiddos!
March 28, 2009
Because I can.
I don't own an Ipod (though I want to) or play music anywhere except through the CD player in my room...except lately I've been using Pandora.com a lot. It seems to read my mood quite accurately. My brain has been consuming much of the following:
This past week was incredibly crazy for me! Barnstormers hosted a coffeehouse on Tuesday, which meant I had shopping, organizing, rehearsing, and stressing to do. The event itself did not go as I hoped it would; the theatre presence at school is just...not at all there. But we learned about what kind of crowd we're hosting to and what we need to change.
Besides that, I had two papers due, and three evenings of rehearsal, and work to make-up in math to try to bring up my midterm grade. On Monday I performed a monologue for acting class, and that was most definitely a highlight of the week. The feedback I got on that from Carl and my classmates was extremely encouraging and flattering. :) (I performed the monologue again, unplanned, at the coffeehouse to a surprisingly receptive audience.)
Wednesday night I didn't go to bed because I had a paper due the next morning, and had gone out with friends after rehearsal. So when I got home, I wrote a paper comparing Christianity and Islam from midnight to 5am, slept for an hour, went to class, worked on it for another hour, and turned it in at 11am. That afternoon I ushered for and watched a two-and-hour-half play, and that evening I got my second wind and went to bed around 10pm. Friday I had off work and school...oh bliss. :)
I realized I'm incredibly distracted and busy and could probably be less so if I decided to be. I'm choosing to be as such because I feel like there are so many things I haven't experienced and done when I should have, and now is my time to do them. I feel like I'm testing my limits and capabilites basically. I'm only young once, and I love the feeling of living, even when it exhausts me. Even more so, actually.
But on that note, I do realize the importance of healthy priorities such as rest and good grades. I'm determined this weekend to concentrate on the things I've been neglecting, which would include my family, myself, and studying.
- Jack Johnson
- The Goo Goo Dolls
- James Taylor
- The Beatles
- KT Tunstall
- Matt Nathansan
- Matt Kearney
This past week was incredibly crazy for me! Barnstormers hosted a coffeehouse on Tuesday, which meant I had shopping, organizing, rehearsing, and stressing to do. The event itself did not go as I hoped it would; the theatre presence at school is just...not at all there. But we learned about what kind of crowd we're hosting to and what we need to change.
Besides that, I had two papers due, and three evenings of rehearsal, and work to make-up in math to try to bring up my midterm grade. On Monday I performed a monologue for acting class, and that was most definitely a highlight of the week. The feedback I got on that from Carl and my classmates was extremely encouraging and flattering. :) (I performed the monologue again, unplanned, at the coffeehouse to a surprisingly receptive audience.)
Wednesday night I didn't go to bed because I had a paper due the next morning, and had gone out with friends after rehearsal. So when I got home, I wrote a paper comparing Christianity and Islam from midnight to 5am, slept for an hour, went to class, worked on it for another hour, and turned it in at 11am. That afternoon I ushered for and watched a two-and-hour-half play, and that evening I got my second wind and went to bed around 10pm. Friday I had off work and school...oh bliss. :)
I realized I'm incredibly distracted and busy and could probably be less so if I decided to be. I'm choosing to be as such because I feel like there are so many things I haven't experienced and done when I should have, and now is my time to do them. I feel like I'm testing my limits and capabilites basically. I'm only young once, and I love the feeling of living, even when it exhausts me. Even more so, actually.
But on that note, I do realize the importance of healthy priorities such as rest and good grades. I'm determined this weekend to concentrate on the things I've been neglecting, which would include my family, myself, and studying.
March 22, 2009
retro musings.
I was with a friend wandering around a Toys 'R Us today, and decided to find out what Barbie dolls look like nowadays. I have a couple Barbies from the 60's which belonged to my mom, and then one or two of my own from the late 90's. I waited a long time to own Barbies; I think a good friend gave me one for the 11th birthday, and shortly after that my grandmother gave me my mom's old ones. I still own them all 'cause I can't let them go. After seeing today what Barbie looks like, I will certainly be holding onto mine. She's so ugly!! Her body is tinier, and her head is bigger. The material of her head looks incredibly cheap and squishy- like if dropped once on the pavement or stepped on by a little shoe she'd be toast. She's wearing more eye make-up and her lips are bigger. Barbie looks like a Bratz doll's big sister, basically. It was disheartening! :-p I mean, she's always been an unrealistic model of beauty...but I think Barbie has crossed into from beauty to bizzare if you ask me.
Ok, today I tackled toys. I have commentaries involving music in mind for my next post... g'night. <3
Ok, today I tackled toys. I have commentaries involving music in mind for my next post... g'night. <3
March 21, 2009
I do love roses.
For the past couple days, this song has made me want to cry: "Everything" by Stereo Fuse. Typically, I cry a lot. For various happy/sad/dumb reasons. Funny thing, in the past month I could count on one hand the amount of times I have cried, and yet logically I have more reason than ever to do so. I'm so tangled up that I'm numb, I guess. But the good thing about being tangled up is that eventually I will untie all the knots and find what my rope is made of, and where it leads to.
I used to think of myself as fairly healthy person, emotionally speaking. However, that perspective is changing slowly, in a disconcerting fashion. For instance, I'm very wrapped up in the idea of being strong, and consider being vulnerable a weakness. I have this idea that my vulnerability will get exploited. When I catch myself being open with someone, I regret it. As Shannon put it, I don't like people in my bubble. How will I have healthy relationships with that attitude? How will I appreciate people and be appreciated in return if I don't want to let people in?
Also, I'm discovering I have big issues with control. I'm bad at controlling myself, but I'm scared of being controlled by others. I guess as a Christian, my answer to this should be that only God has control and He knows best anyway. But people are instruments of control, and we all choose to wield it in some way.
I'm programmed to care for others before I care for myself. I'm finding it very hard to say nice things about myself or do things that are strictly for me, because I always find fulfillment in the affirmation and comfort of others. I have watched an example of this all my life, and it's going to be a tough thing, learning what it means to put myself first in a loving way.
*Sigh* well putting all that in my blog feels a bit weird. But I know people who love me read this and might have some advice, and if you don't love me, why are you bothering to read my business? :-p
Things of lighter vernacular:
IH2 rehearsals have started! We read through the first act on Monday, and steady Mon/Wed/Fri rehearsals start this week. I'm very pleased with everyone we cast, and I'm looking forward to a great time of hard work, getting to know the actors, and watching the show take shape. Working with Anderson is as much of a pleasure as ever, and our friendship has been deepening both through and outside the show.
After almost exactly a year, I no longer work for Execuhome Realty. The economy hit the company hard throughout the winter, and Linda was forced to let me go yesterday. I will miss having her as a boss; I don't think I could have asked for better, but besides the friendship of a few of the agents (whose numbers I have anyway) I won't miss that job. I will either work more hours for AMF, pursue a couple opportunities that have come a long recently, or just try to get by with less hours until IH2 is done in June. I'm exhausted all the time, physically and otherwise, so that might be the smartest option.
Anberlin is coming back to Baltimore!!!! I think Shannon, Jeremy, and I are going..if you're interested in joining us let me know! It's at Sonar on June 21st (a Sunday night)
I consider writing a long and thoughtful blog as having done something nice for myself. :) Now I must be getting back to homework. Enjoy the weekend!
I used to think of myself as fairly healthy person, emotionally speaking. However, that perspective is changing slowly, in a disconcerting fashion. For instance, I'm very wrapped up in the idea of being strong, and consider being vulnerable a weakness. I have this idea that my vulnerability will get exploited. When I catch myself being open with someone, I regret it. As Shannon put it, I don't like people in my bubble. How will I have healthy relationships with that attitude? How will I appreciate people and be appreciated in return if I don't want to let people in?
Also, I'm discovering I have big issues with control. I'm bad at controlling myself, but I'm scared of being controlled by others. I guess as a Christian, my answer to this should be that only God has control and He knows best anyway. But people are instruments of control, and we all choose to wield it in some way.
I'm programmed to care for others before I care for myself. I'm finding it very hard to say nice things about myself or do things that are strictly for me, because I always find fulfillment in the affirmation and comfort of others. I have watched an example of this all my life, and it's going to be a tough thing, learning what it means to put myself first in a loving way.
*Sigh* well putting all that in my blog feels a bit weird. But I know people who love me read this and might have some advice, and if you don't love me, why are you bothering to read my business? :-p
Things of lighter vernacular:
IH2 rehearsals have started! We read through the first act on Monday, and steady Mon/Wed/Fri rehearsals start this week. I'm very pleased with everyone we cast, and I'm looking forward to a great time of hard work, getting to know the actors, and watching the show take shape. Working with Anderson is as much of a pleasure as ever, and our friendship has been deepening both through and outside the show.
After almost exactly a year, I no longer work for Execuhome Realty. The economy hit the company hard throughout the winter, and Linda was forced to let me go yesterday. I will miss having her as a boss; I don't think I could have asked for better, but besides the friendship of a few of the agents (whose numbers I have anyway) I won't miss that job. I will either work more hours for AMF, pursue a couple opportunities that have come a long recently, or just try to get by with less hours until IH2 is done in June. I'm exhausted all the time, physically and otherwise, so that might be the smartest option.
Anberlin is coming back to Baltimore!!!! I think Shannon, Jeremy, and I are going..if you're interested in joining us let me know! It's at Sonar on June 21st (a Sunday night)
I consider writing a long and thoughtful blog as having done something nice for myself. :) Now I must be getting back to homework. Enjoy the weekend!
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